Death & Religion

[Edwardo Piet]

I have a theory.

Two weeks ago I attended the funeral of my last remaining grandparent. Although I have attended a number of funerals over the past couple of years, this time was markedly different. The difference is due to the change, or perhaps the refining, of my views towards religion and God. On previous occasions I would walk into the church with my family, dip my finger in the holy water, recite prayers, take communion, sing hymns with everybody else and generally participate in the religious ceremonies expected of me.

Walking into the church on this occasion I avoided the holy water, a small thing really. The service began, and I couldn't help but feel anger towards the priest, the church, the religion and the congregation, for allowing what should only be an occasion for mourning or remembering a great mans life be mixed with a preaching sermon on God and christianity. This struck me as taking advantage of believers in a time of grief, particularly as they are at an emotionally vulnerable point.
Sitting in the front pew is awkward for me, as a non-believer who is still somewhat in the Atheist 'closet' to his catholic family. As my father rose next to me for communion, I was unsure what I was going to do. I could pay no reverence to their beliefs, they used to be my beliefs... but no longer. I stayed in my seat - a big step for me, particularly in front of my entire family at a funeral. I did not want to cause any intrigue at this sad time, but at the same time I didn't feel it necessary to take communion as part of my paying respect to the memory of my grandfather.

It's an odd thing, but I found that I cried less than at my other grandparents funerals. Emotions are complicated things, but I believe this is at least partly due to my atheism helping me to accept the reality of death, and to place a higher priority on living and appreciating every moment allocated to me. I don't think it's due to denial, I was still most certainly sad, just more accepting and ready, I think, for this occasion and the turbulence it may have brought.

To hear people say "He's with <my grandmother> now, I'm sure they're happy together". What on Earth?? Grief is a terrible thing, but to delude ourselves into believing that they're still living somewhere - this has a huge affect on our lives. Wouldn't it be better to say "Hey was a great man, let us never forget him and make the most of the ideals that he and his wife lived by in life. Let's not allow their death to be devoid of meaning, and integrate the lessons that they learned throughout their lives into our own."
Why must we continue with this childish fantasy of life after death?

On the car trip to the cemetary, my dad remarked (paraphrasing here) that we should thank God that he was able to live to his age of 87, that he hadn't been sick for a long time, and that particularly after his accident 18years ago when a teenager backed over him in his car in a local caravan park - something which he should not have survived.
Sure, we could thank God, or we could thanks the doctors who treated him after his accident and kept him alive this long. We could thank the nurses for washing him every day, we could thank the technicians, the radiologists, the orderlies, and the rest of the hospital staff. We could also thank scientists, philosophers, mathematicians, and all manner of professionals who have helped bring us to this point where we are able to live so long and enjoy our lives the way we are.
But no... thank *God* instead. Perhaps we should give credit where credit is due?

Life is a far more beautiful thing to me after accepting that there is no life after death. Impermanence and change are part of nature, without them there would be no beauty. As one person dies, another is born, a new generation comes to replace the last and the cycle continues.

My theory is that atheism helps us to confront life, to appreciate life more, to see the complexities and to avoid taking it for granted.

That's an experience I wanted to share with you all. Feel free to post your own experiences or thoughts on the interactions between religion and death, or other areas if you have feedback.

I can see this to be true, simply because I am not as afraid of death as I used to be. And I've heard a lot about this. And its pretty understandable to me that 'wishful thinking' (in this case that there's an afterlife) can make you feel worse. Whether its about death or anything else. Wishful thinking has made me more depressed than needed in the past.
I used to want to live forever and felt bad that I'd have to die in future, because even if I lived to 100, 100 years is nothing compared to living forever! If you want to live forever a hundred years is not good enough!
I am no longer afraid anymore, because I realize how unlikely the existence of an afterlife is, and moreover, how understanding that having one life that doesn't go on for too long drives you to make the most of it and feel inspired and uplifted by the grotesquely unlikeliness of your birth.
I understand you as much as I can understand how you feel about the whole religious funeral thing. I myself would hate to have a religious funeral myself, because of the impression it would leave on others. I want people to understand when I die that my atheism was important to me. That I see religion as a serious issue not something to just be overlooked and tolerated above lots of other things when it shouldn't be. This all helps relgion grow. And the delusion of religion is NOT a good thing.