I have a theory.

Two weeks ago I attended the funeral of my last remaining grandparent. Although I have attended a number of funerals over the past couple of years, this time was markedly different. The difference is due to the change, or perhaps the refining, of my views towards religion and God. On previous occasions I would walk into the church with my family, dip my finger in the holy water, recite prayers, take communion, sing hymns with everybody else and generally participate in the religious ceremonies expected of me.

Walking into the church on this occasion I avoided the holy water, a small thing really. The service began, and I couldn't help but feel anger towards the priest, the church, the religion and the congregation, for allowing what should only be an occasion for mourning or remembering a great mans life be mixed with a preaching sermon on God and christianity. This struck me as taking advantage of believers in a time of grief, particularly as they are at an emotionally vulnerable point.
Sitting in the front pew is awkward for me, as a non-believer who is still somewhat in the Atheist 'closet' to his catholic family. As my father rose next to me for communion, I was unsure what I was going to do. I could pay no reverence to their beliefs, they used to be my beliefs... but no longer. I stayed in my seat - a big step for me, particularly in front of my entire family at a funeral. I did not want to cause any intrigue at this sad time, but at the same time I didn't feel it necessary to take communion as part of my paying respect to the memory of my grandfather.

It's an odd thing, but I found that I cried less than at my other grandparents funerals. Emotions are complicated things, but I believe this is at least partly due to my atheism helping me to accept the reality of death, and to place a higher priority on living and appreciating every moment allocated to me. I don't think it's due to denial, I was still most certainly sad, just more accepting and ready, I think, for this occasion and the turbulence it may have brought.

To hear people say "He's with <my grandmother> now, I'm sure they're happy together". What on Earth?? Grief is a terrible thing, but to delude ourselves into believing that they're still living somewhere - this has a huge affect on our lives. Wouldn't it be better to say "Hey was a great man, let us never forget him and make the most of the ideals that he and his wife lived by in life. Let's not allow their death to be devoid of meaning, and integrate the lessons that they learned throughout their lives into our own."
Why must we continue with this childish fantasy of life after death?

On the car trip to the cemetary, my dad remarked (paraphrasing here) that we should thank God that he was able to live to his age of 87, that he hadn't been sick for a long time, and that particularly after his accident 18years ago when a teenager backed over him in his car in a local caravan park - something which he should not have survived.
Sure, we could thank God, or we could thanks the doctors who treated him after his accident and kept him alive this long. We could thank the nurses for washing him every day, we could thank the technicians, the radiologists, the orderlies, and the rest of the hospital staff. We could also thank scientists, philosophers, mathematicians, and all manner of professionals who have helped bring us to this point where we are able to live so long and enjoy our lives the way we are.
But no... thank *God* instead. Perhaps we should give credit where credit is due?

Life is a far more beautiful thing to me after accepting that there is no life after death. Impermanence and change are part of nature, without them there would be no beauty. As one person dies, another is born, a new generation comes to replace the last and the cycle continues.

My theory is that atheism helps us to confront life, to appreciate life more, to see the complexities and to avoid taking it for granted.

That's an experience I wanted to share with you all. Feel free to post your own experiences or thoughts on the interactions between religion and death, or other areas if you have feedback.

When my supposedly religious mother revealed to me that she didn't believe in God a few weeks ago, she remarked on when she took my late grandmother's pet dog to be put down. My mum had diligently looked after the dog, who was 17, after my gran died 3 years ago, and last month she took her to the vet to be put down, after her health problems simply meant she was in pain all the time, was completely deaf and blind, and couldn't eat. The vet said after the procedure "she's with your mother now", and my mum told me how she nodded whilst at the time thinking "well...not really".

She also revealed how it was something I had said when I was 14 that changed her whole view on things. I was volunteering at a home for mentally handicapped children in order to put it down on my list of charitable things for Duke Of Edinburgh's Award (nobody does charity just for charity by the way). During my time there, I met several teenagers who had the mental capacity of 1 year olds, and spent their days incapable of walking, lying in specially built cots. I remarked to my mother at the time "How can anyone still believe in a God after you see something like this? Where is the purpose?", and it turns out those sentiments ring true today.

When you accept life for what it is, all the magical "purposes" fall apart, and you no longer have to explain away the ignorant nature of a God who chooses to create mentally ill children. Life isn't a test. Anything that happens to you is down to random genetic mutations that are out of anyone's control. So instead of saying how "God has a plan" and that everything will "be ok", why not make a difference? Give yourself a purpose by trying to help sort out all those things "God" failed on. Science has achieved so many breakthroughs in recent years that they estimate cures for AIDS and Cancer within our lifetimes.

Where God fails, humanity comes through.

Jason,please accept my most sincerest condolences on the passing away of your grandfather.Based on your statements about him it seems like he was a wonderful man.I feel the same as you regarding death and religion.I don't think that religion has anything to do with something that comes so natural.Speaking as an atheist,life is not as complicated as we make it out to be.We are born,we live,we die and the world goes on without you.There is no reason in my mind for life after death or reincarnation.

Religion fosters false hope in a future that quite frankly I think does not exist at all.The way I see it life is enough to keep anyone busy for a lifetime to be worrying about heaven or hell or what some non-existent God might think about the way I am living my life.

My philosophy regarding life is that since we don't know how long we have on this Earth,we should live life to the fullest and live every day as if it were our last.Make those you love around you happy and enjoy those that make you happy and when that time comes for you to say goodbye you can do so with no regrets and leave with a clear conscience and peace of mind.

(November 11, 2008 at 9:14 pm)Jason Jarred Wrote: I have a theory.

Two weeks ago I attended the funeral of my last remaining grandparent. Although I have attended a number of funerals over the past couple of years, this time was markedly different. The difference is due to the change, or perhaps the refining, of my views towards religion and God. On previous occasions I would walk into the church with my family, dip my finger in the holy water, recite prayers, take communion, sing hymns with everybody else and generally participate in the religious ceremonies expected of me.

Walking into the church on this occasion I avoided the holy water, a small thing really. The service began, and I couldn't help but feel anger towards the priest, the church, the religion and the congregation, for allowing what should only be an occasion for mourning or remembering a great mans life be mixed with a preaching sermon on God and christianity. This struck me as taking advantage of believers in a time of grief, particularly as they are at an emotionally vulnerable point.
Sitting in the front pew is awkward for me, as a non-believer who is still somewhat in the Atheist 'closet' to his catholic family. As my father rose next to me for communion, I was unsure what I was going to do. I could pay no reverence to their beliefs, they used to be my beliefs... but no longer. I stayed in my seat - a big step for me, particularly in front of my entire family at a funeral. I did not want to cause any intrigue at this sad time, but at the same time I didn't feel it necessary to take communion as part of my paying respect to the memory of my grandfather.

It's an odd thing, but I found that I cried less than at my other grandparents funerals. Emotions are complicated things, but I believe this is at least partly due to my atheism helping me to accept the reality of death, and to place a higher priority on living and appreciating every moment allocated to me. I don't think it's due to denial, I was still most certainly sad, just more accepting and ready, I think, for this occasion and the turbulence it may have brought.

To hear people say "He's with <my grandmother> now, I'm sure they're happy together". What on Earth?? Grief is a terrible thing, but to delude ourselves into believing that they're still living somewhere - this has a huge affect on our lives. Wouldn't it be better to say "Hey was a great man, let us never forget him and make the most of the ideals that he and his wife lived by in life. Let's not allow their death to be devoid of meaning, and integrate the lessons that they learned throughout their lives into our own."
Why must we continue with this childish fantasy of life after death?

On the car trip to the cemetary, my dad remarked (paraphrasing here) that we should thank God that he was able to live to his age of 87, that he hadn't been sick for a long time, and that particularly after his accident 18years ago when a teenager backed over him in his car in a local caravan park - something which he should not have survived.
Sure, we could thank God, or we could thanks the doctors who treated him after his accident and kept him alive this long. We could thank the nurses for washing him every day, we could thank the technicians, the radiologists, the orderlies, and the rest of the hospital staff. We could also thank scientists, philosophers, mathematicians, and all manner of professionals who have helped bring us to this point where we are able to live so long and enjoy our lives the way we are.
But no... thank *God* instead. Perhaps we should give credit where credit is due?

Life is a far more beautiful thing to me after accepting that there is no life after death. Impermanence and change are part of nature, without them there would be no beauty. As one person dies, another is born, a new generation comes to replace the last and the cycle continues.

My theory is that atheism helps us to confront life, to appreciate life more, to see the complexities and to avoid taking it for granted.

That's an experience I wanted to share with you all. Feel free to post your own experiences or thoughts on the interactions between religion and death, or other areas if you have feedback.

I can see this to be true, simply because I am not as afraid of death as I used to be. And I've heard a lot about this. And its pretty understandable to me that 'wishful thinking' (in this case that there's an afterlife) can make you feel worse. Whether its about death or anything else. Wishful thinking has made me more depressed than needed in the past.
I used to want to live forever and felt bad that I'd have to die in future, because even if I lived to 100, 100 years is nothing compared to living forever! If you want to live forever a hundred years is not good enough!
I am no longer afraid anymore, because I realize how unlikely the existence of an afterlife is, and moreover, how understanding that having one life that doesn't go on for too long drives you to make the most of it and feel inspired and uplifted by the grotesquely unlikeliness of your birth.
I understand you as much as I can understand how you feel about the whole religious funeral thing. I myself would hate to have a religious funeral myself, because of the impression it would leave on others. I want people to understand when I die that my atheism was important to me. That I see religion as a serious issue not something to just be overlooked and tolerated above lots of other things when it shouldn't be. This all helps relgion grow. And the delusion of religion is NOT a good thing.

I felt the same thing at my Grandfather's funeral 5 or 6 years ago. It wasn't about him, it was just more bullshit about God. I felt insulted, to be honest.

Sadly I've had to go to a couple of funerals in the past years and it does feel awkward staying in your seat the first times when everyone else is standing up to take communion. I do make it a point to sit as far out of the way as I can so I won't disrupt the service anymore than I need to.

The worst thing ever for me was when an Uncle of mine who I knew to be an atheist like me (we had talked about that before) was getting a roman catholic ceremony with all the trimmings. That just disgusted me.

As a rule I don't go to funerals or weddings I am very outspoken and dont like to do things out of hipocrisy.I honestly am content to just be alive and living the life that I have now.It has and so far is a wonderful journey with all it's ups and downs.I have two lovely daughters and honestly I consider them as my only possesion in this world because they are truly derived from my being.Everything else can be taken away,including life.

My philosophy on life is simple: live,love and enjoy it.There does not have to be a reason for why I am here.But while I am here I will live it to the best of my abilities till it's time for me to depart this world forever.No God,heaven,or hell,no religion.

Ah, the life and death thing. I'd seen my share of it. When my grandfather died, the funeral wasn't all that religious, so I wasn't really bothered by it. I knew there was no other life. I was of course upset but understood that death is part of life.

My nan arranged a religious funeral for my aunt, this was where this priest would read from the bible and only pick certain parts and ignore the rest as usual.

Anyway, some people sang but allot like me and my farther did not. I'd say under half of the people there were atheistic. So you'd see allot of them reading this religious book whilst remaining silent. When they prayed, those who were atheistic remained looking towards the front of the room. Me and my farther were looking at each other whilst thinking the same thing - "Fools". Though we didn't moan or anything of the sort since it would be disrespectful.

I found it annoying since it lacks all logic and reason and is only supported by nothing more than empty beliefs of superstitions. I was in the mood for debating it. Can't really can you when in a funeral. The sad loss of a family member was replaced with the desires to debate theists....Strangly I was not that sad. I was in an ok mood. I already knew what death was all about and by that acknowledgement I was ok with it. I wouldn't stop thinking about logic and reason. I wanted to set somethings right with the priest.

Do they preach about an afterlife on funerals to keep that blind fold over you from reality? It's like they must constantly remind them of an afterlife or they will begin to see reality.

(November 15, 2008 at 2:06 pm)Ace Wrote: Do they preach about an afterlife on funerals to keep that blind fold over you from reality? It's like they must constantly remind them of an afterlife or they will begin to see reality.

Indeed. In fact I've noticed something disturbing since the death of my grandfather - my father has become *more* religious, even to the extent of claiming that he goes to church every sunday etc (which he has never been that serious about before, he's more of a Xmas and Easter Christian). I'm not surprised that he's given in to Pascal's Wager without realising it, the death of my grandfather has obviously brought the fact home that it will be him up there next - in 30 or 40 years. Unfortunately the looming possibility of death seems to push the slightly reglious even further over that boundary, regardless of all logic and reason.

Atheism should be advertised as a positive thing and more people would look into it.