Just looking for a place to kind of hash out all my feelings about coming to the conclusion that all I've been telling myself about god, spirituality, connection, etc were just lies to make myself feel better about the world around me. Now I'm feeling a bit lost and empty.
About a year and a half ago I had a cardiac arrest and was dead for a few minutes before I was revived and was then placed in a medically induced coma for a week. I now have a pacemaker-defibrillator in my chest to help with all that.
As I was recovering from that I became really connected to god. I had been making what I thought was that connection even before then as my wife and I were battling some other first world problems so surviving the heart incident and all made me really grateful. This lead me to think more about the concept of god and why that concept is so relevant and it felt very much like Dorothy pulling the curtain on The Wizard. Nothing magical or special back there. Nothing to see there at all really.
I'm not fooling myself anymore but I do feel like I've lost a family member or loved one. I feel like a safety net I had always counted on being there was never there in the first place.
And that's me and where I am right now. Eyes open to the truth but living in a world that seems less magical to me. It's a bummer.
About a year and a half ago I had a cardiac arrest and was dead for a few minutes before I was revived and was then placed in a medically induced coma for a week. I now have a pacemaker-defibrillator in my chest to help with all that.
As I was recovering from that I became really connected to god. I had been making what I thought was that connection even before then as my wife and I were battling some other first world problems so surviving the heart incident and all made me really grateful. This lead me to think more about the concept of god and why that concept is so relevant and it felt very much like Dorothy pulling the curtain on The Wizard. Nothing magical or special back there. Nothing to see there at all really.
I'm not fooling myself anymore but I do feel like I've lost a family member or loved one. I feel like a safety net I had always counted on being there was never there in the first place.
And that's me and where I am right now. Eyes open to the truth but living in a world that seems less magical to me. It's a bummer.
