I like it. Now the feedback...
I would consider using the word "handsome" less and change it here and there for something else, so it's not redundant.
I would also suggest more context. You could add to the history in order to make the characters appealing and create a sense of attachment to the storyline (engage the reader). When the reader feels attached, it's difficult to stop reading.
In my opinion, I like what Cinjin suggests about Satan's personality, but I also like the personality you gave him. I think it's compelling. I felt myself feeling guilty for hating him at one point. I think in this case it depends on what you want out of this story. It could take different roads and give it a different meaning. What do you want?
This is what I meant. Of course I like people to tell me they like it, but I like them to add the feedback to it. It helps.
I'd love to read it again if you do end up polishing it. I think you got yourself a good scene!
I am not good at expressing myself in English. When I talk I am translating from Spanish to English as I speak (in this case write). I hope I made sense.
I would consider using the word "handsome" less and change it here and there for something else, so it's not redundant.
I would also suggest more context. You could add to the history in order to make the characters appealing and create a sense of attachment to the storyline (engage the reader). When the reader feels attached, it's difficult to stop reading.
In my opinion, I like what Cinjin suggests about Satan's personality, but I also like the personality you gave him. I think it's compelling. I felt myself feeling guilty for hating him at one point. I think in this case it depends on what you want out of this story. It could take different roads and give it a different meaning. What do you want?
This is what I meant. Of course I like people to tell me they like it, but I like them to add the feedback to it. It helps.
I'd love to read it again if you do end up polishing it. I think you got yourself a good scene!
I am not good at expressing myself in English. When I talk I am translating from Spanish to English as I speak (in this case write). I hope I made sense.
Pointing around: "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you, I'm out!"
Half Baked
"Let the atheists come to me, and stop keeping them away, because the kingdom of heathens belongs to people like these." -Saint Bacon
Half Baked
"Let the atheists come to me, and stop keeping them away, because the kingdom of heathens belongs to people like these." -Saint Bacon
