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Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote)

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Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote)
John V Offline
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#15
RE: Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote)
November 1, 2013 at 11:13 am
Quote:His handsome blond hair under his fedora moving with wind of the Israeli desert.
This is a sentence fragment. It has no verb. "moving with wind of the Israeli desert" is a present participle phrase which modifies "hair."

If you change "moving" to "moved" or "was moving" you'd have a sentence. "Moved" is better because it's active voice. Avoid passive voice such as "was moving." Better yet would be a more descriptive word than "moved." Flowed, whipped or waved might be better. It depends on what the hair is actually doing. Move doesn't tell us much.
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Atheist Forums › Discussion › Off Topic v
Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote)

Messages In This Thread
Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote) - by Lemonvariable72 - October 31, 2013 at 11:34 pm
RE: Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote) - by Cinjin - November 1, 2013 at 12:49 am
RE: Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote) - by Sejanus - November 1, 2013 at 12:56 am
RE: Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote) - by Cinjin - November 1, 2013 at 1:53 am
RE: Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote) - by Fruity - November 1, 2013 at 1:33 am
RE: Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote) - by Fruity - November 1, 2013 at 2:23 am
RE: Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote) - by John V - November 1, 2013 at 8:59 am
RE: Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote) - by Silver - November 1, 2013 at 11:00 am
RE: Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote) - by John V - November 1, 2013 at 11:13 am
RE: Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote) - by John V - November 1, 2013 at 11:26 am
RE: Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote) - by Faith No More - November 1, 2013 at 11:37 am
RE: Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote) - by John V - November 1, 2013 at 11:44 am
RE: Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote) - by Faith No More - November 1, 2013 at 11:48 am
RE: Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote) - by John V - November 1, 2013 at 12:00 pm
RE: Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote) - by Walking Void - November 1, 2013 at 1:23 pm
RE: Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote) - by Minimalist - November 1, 2013 at 1:28 pm
RE: Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote) - by max-greece - November 1, 2013 at 1:48 pm

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