RE: Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote)
November 1, 2013 at 11:17 am
(This post was last modified: November 1, 2013 at 11:19 am by Lemonvariable72.)
(November 1, 2013 at 11:13 am)John V Wrote:Quote:His handsome blond hair under his fedora moving with wind of the Israeli desert.This is a sentence fragment. It has no verb. "moving with wind of the Israeli desert" is a present participle phrase which modifies "hair."
If you change "moving" to "moved" or "was moving" you'd have a sentence. "Moved" is better because it's active voice. Avoid passive voice such as "was moving." Better yet would be a more descriptive word than "moved." Flowed, whipped or waved might be better. It depends on what the hair is actually doing. Move doesn't tell us much.
That full sentence is actually this
His handsome blond hair under his fedora moving with the wind of the Israeli desert.
I may have missed the word the as I tend to miss words sometimes when I get really into writing, usually I pick them up but I was exhausted proof reading this.
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
