Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote)

[John V]

This is a sentence fragment. It has no verb. "moving with wind of the Israeli desert" is a present participle phrase which modifies "hair."

If you change "moving" to "moved" or "was moving" you'd have a sentence. "Moved" is better because it's active voice. Avoid passive voice such as "was moving." Better yet would be a more descriptive word than "moved." Flowed, whipped or waved might be better. It depends on what the hair is actually doing. Move doesn't tell us much.

That full sentence is actually this

His handsome blond hair under his fedora moving with the wind of the Israeli desert.

I may have missed the word the as I tend to miss words sometimes when I get really into writing, usually I pick them up but I was exhausted proof reading this.

The issues I noted remain. Adding "the" does make it read better, but wasn't grammatically necessary. It's absolutely necessary to make one of the changes I suggested.

Note that sentence fragments can be used in fiction, but such use must be infrequent, and can't be early in the book.

I've since read the whole piece. There are a lot of craft issues. I can clean it up for you for twenty American dollars.