Darkness at the arch (A story I wrote)

[Doubting Thomas]

I agree with John V. You need to clean up the grammar, sentence fragments, spelling, capitalization, and such before you can make it into a readable, compelling story. I'm no English major, but English was one of my better subjects and I hate to see poorly-written prose.

Every time a different character speaks, it should be a new paragraph.

There are a few sentences where the general idea you were trying to convey started to come out but were not complete. Like

The cherub let forth his battle cry and three others like him, with flaming blades.

This is kind of confusing even though I got the general idea. Three others like him with flaming blades what? Did three more cherubs appear? Did three more cherubs let out a battle cry? The main purpose in writing is to convey your ideas clearly.

Now that that's out of the way, the story line itself could use a bit of work. There could be a bit more back story, and the ending where Lucifer talks about "that angel you tortured to death" was not clear. Who was he talking about here? Jesus? Lucifer's buddy? Lucifer's brother? There should be a bit of back story or fleshing out of that part.