(November 1, 2013 at 11:37 am)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote:Quote:Your opinion is valid, but as a matter of politeness, etiquette, and common decency, why don't you offer the man some explanation. Maybe some constructive criticism instead of a cold remark that offers nothing. You just came off as purposefully rude.
Actually, I refrained from a more detailed criticism so I wouldn't appear deliberately rude, but OK.
My main issue with the piece is that it is replete with logical problems:
- The action takes place before the gates of Eden in Israel. Why is Eden in Israel?
-Why is Satan wearing a suit? We are told this is a form of mockery, but the mockery isn't explained. What is Satan mocking and why?
-Why are they all armed with swords? What is Satan doing with a tomahawk?
-A pillar of flame shoots towards Satan, but the flame is described as 'omnidirectional'.
-How is that an angel can be slain by a sword, bleed to death, or have a mother?
There are other issues - not so much logical errors as problems with the crafting of the story. Anton Chekhov once remarked that a writer of fiction needs to tell the reader everything necessary to understand the conflict the story is about, and that simply wasn't done here. I think this short-short could be MUCH better if re-crafted as a short story or a novella. There's simply too much left out to make it work as written.
Boru
Well the reason I went with is real is because its the promisedlLand and basically seemed as good as anywhere in middle when it comes to the garden.
Its the fact that it is a suit from the 50s which is a time most Christians think of as more pure.
The bible, whenever in depicts angels in any kind of military action, describes them as using sword, like a cherub with flaming sword gaurding eden. Satan in this story prefers human type weapons, especially if they were used by people standingbagianst religious tryanny.
Also that flame could be made to move in any direction the angels want.
And finally for the purposes of the story they are basically like us, to each other thus they can kill one another and what not. As for the mother bit, why not, the bible doesn't say how they all came to be
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
