RE: Have a good religion joke?
February 25, 2010 at 9:35 am
(This post was last modified: February 25, 2010 at 9:42 am by Dotard.)
We already have a jokes thread. All this should be in there.
But what the hell..........
Why don't baptist fuck standing up?
They don't want people to think they're dancing.
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly and he sees them. He hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is already in there.
The little boy says, "dark in here."
The man says, "yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My Dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250"
Man: "Deal!"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, How much?"
Boy: "$750"
Man: "Sold."
A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The Dad asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy: "$1,000"
The Dad says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that; that is way, way more than those things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession."
They go to the church and Dad makes the boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again; you're in my closet now!"
One Sunday afternoon an old drunk stumbles across a baptismal service down by the river.
He proceeds to walk into the water and stands next to the preacher. The minister notices the old drunk and says, "mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, preacher, I sure am."
The minister dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.
"Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asks."Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up, and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
"Noooo Preacher, I have not!"
The preacher, in disgust, holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water, and says in a harsh tone, "My good man, have you found Jesus yet?"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.
The older of the two pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now."
"Yes, I remember him as a baby," says the other mother cheerfully.
"He's a martyr now," the mother confides.
"Oh, so sad dear," says the other.
"And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21."
"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born."
"He's a martyr too," says the mother quietly.
"Oh, gracious me," says the other.
"And this is my third son, my baby, my beautiful Ahmed. He would have been 18, she whispers.
"Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school."
"He's a martyr also," says the mother, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says;
"They blow up so fast, don't they?"
But what the hell..........
Why don't baptist fuck standing up?
They don't want people to think they're dancing.
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly and he sees them. He hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is already in there.
The little boy says, "dark in here."
The man says, "yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My Dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250"
Man: "Deal!"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, How much?"
Boy: "$750"
Man: "Sold."
A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The Dad asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy: "$1,000"
The Dad says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that; that is way, way more than those things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession."
They go to the church and Dad makes the boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again; you're in my closet now!"
One Sunday afternoon an old drunk stumbles across a baptismal service down by the river.
He proceeds to walk into the water and stands next to the preacher. The minister notices the old drunk and says, "mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, preacher, I sure am."
The minister dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.
"Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asks."Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up, and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
"Noooo Preacher, I have not!"
The preacher, in disgust, holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water, and says in a harsh tone, "My good man, have you found Jesus yet?"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.
The older of the two pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now."
"Yes, I remember him as a baby," says the other mother cheerfully.
"He's a martyr now," the mother confides.
"Oh, so sad dear," says the other.
"And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21."
"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born."
"He's a martyr too," says the mother quietly.
"Oh, gracious me," says the other.
"And this is my third son, my baby, my beautiful Ahmed. He would have been 18, she whispers.
"Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school."
"He's a martyr also," says the mother, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says;
"They blow up so fast, don't they?"
I used to tell a lot of religious jokes. Not any more, I'm a registered sects offender.
---------------
...the least christian thing a person can do is to become a christian. ~Chuck
---------------
NO MA'AM
---------------
...the least christian thing a person can do is to become a christian. ~Chuck
---------------
NO MA'AM
![[Image: attemptingtogiveadamnc.gif]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=img824.imageshack.us%2Fimg824%2F7042%2Fattemptingtogiveadamnc.gif)