Why did God murder children for making fun of a bald guy?

[Bad Writer]

I just wrote "My penis is larger than yours" in this notebook that I have sitting by my keyboard. You can believe my words because I say so and had it written down, or we can pull down our pants and truly measure them side by side to be certain.

Certainty of God's absolute morality cannot be found in a book that promotes his actions due to the fact that there is a clear conflict of interest in doing so. Secular humanism is probably the best example of objective morality that we have right now, so if you want a standard of morality by which to judge the purported actions of your god, I suggest you start there.