RE: Jokes
March 18, 2014 at 8:26 pm
(This post was last modified: March 18, 2014 at 8:43 pm by Phatt Matt s.)
I went to a fortune teller and she looked at my hands. She said, 'Your future looks pretty black.' I said, 'Are you kidding? I've still got my gloves on!
I said to the doctor, 'It hurts when I do this' [raises arm]. He said, 'Well, don't do it.'
My doctor told me to drink a bottle of wine after a hot bath, but I couldn't even finish drinking the hot bath!
Two cannibals were eating a clown – one said to the other, 'Does he taste funny to you?'
A drunk was driving his car down a one-way street when a policeman stopped him. The cop said, 'Didn't you see the arrows?' He said, 'Arrows? I didn't even see the Indians.'
Gambling has brought our family together. We had to move to a smaller house.
I took saxophone lessons for six months until I dislocated my jaw. How did I know I was supposed to blow in the small end?
I bought some pork chops and told the butcher to make them lean. He said, 'Which way?
I sleep like a baby . . I wake up screaming every morning around 3am.
Two cannibals were eating a clown – one said to the other, 'Does he taste funny to you?'
For those who haven't heard, Washington State has passed two laws - legalized gay marriage and legalized marijuana.
The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect biblical sense, because Leviticus 20:13 says:
"If a man lies with another man they should be stoned."
Guess we just hadn't interpreted it correctly before.
I said to the doctor, 'It hurts when I do this' [raises arm]. He said, 'Well, don't do it.'
My doctor told me to drink a bottle of wine after a hot bath, but I couldn't even finish drinking the hot bath!
Two cannibals were eating a clown – one said to the other, 'Does he taste funny to you?'
A drunk was driving his car down a one-way street when a policeman stopped him. The cop said, 'Didn't you see the arrows?' He said, 'Arrows? I didn't even see the Indians.'
Gambling has brought our family together. We had to move to a smaller house.
I took saxophone lessons for six months until I dislocated my jaw. How did I know I was supposed to blow in the small end?
I bought some pork chops and told the butcher to make them lean. He said, 'Which way?
I sleep like a baby . . I wake up screaming every morning around 3am.
Two cannibals were eating a clown – one said to the other, 'Does he taste funny to you?'
For those who haven't heard, Washington State has passed two laws - legalized gay marriage and legalized marijuana.
The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect biblical sense, because Leviticus 20:13 says:
"If a man lies with another man they should be stoned."
Guess we just hadn't interpreted it correctly before.
