Before You Became an Atheist, Were You Afraid of Yourself?

[StealthySkeptic]

Plus, I had a disability, so as I grew up and had social difficulties I constantly questioned why God would make broken like this, and wishing that if I was to go to hell for my sins, he would do it already. So yeah, I know how it feels to hate yourself.

Did they feed you that bullshit of being carried by Jesus or god when you were at your most miserable?

I too was utterly frightened by the fire and brimstone stories being fed. But on me it had the opposite effect. When I was still a child I decided, if god was anything like what the priests made him out to be, I didn't want to have anything to do with him anyway. So, for quite some time I had decided that god wasn't the evil bastard described by the church. Only much later I noticed I didn't believe in him at all.

I wanted to believe that the Judeo-Christian god wasn't an evil bastard in the same way at first, and it seems to line up with what my mom still believes even though she's pretty much a heretic by Vatican standards.

I was fed that bullshit, but I'm pretty sure you can guess that when I demanded God to explain what the hell was the point of saddling me with the difficulties I had to endure, he didn't bother answering me for two seconds and I got the "It's a test, life is about tests, blah blah blah" line, even from my relatively liberal religious girlfriend who said she felt I was made like this for the purpose of helping other disabled people. By this time though I was an atheist so when I pointed out the obviously flawed logic in that statement she conceded the point.