Challenge regarding Christian morality

[Esquilax]

I think there is a difference between what i'd call romantic love and true love. Often people get married because it's what they want for themselves. They see it as something that will make them happy. They really aren't prepared to hang in if the marriage doesn't provide them that happiness.

What purpose should marriage serve, if not the happiness of the participants? You keep talking about the greater morality at play, but did you actually define it? What moral use does marriage have, beyond the relationship that defines it? Don't mention kids, as you don't need to be married to have children, nor are children an expectation of marriage.

They don't see a greater morality in staying in the marriage, even when children are involved. I just think saying that "the children will be better off apart because we fight all the time, is a way of saying "I don't want to sacrifice my own happiness and work to make peace in the household."

That's very kind of you, to tell everyone else what they're thinking when they say certain things. When did you gain your telepathic powers, and have you ever considered using them to fight crime?

Besides, your premise is out of whack, as the parental relationship does not hinge on the romantic one; a good upbringing doesn't rely on the fact that the kid's parents are in love, it relies on them being good parents. Divorced parents are perfectly capable of exactly that, especially if they, say, go about their divorce as mature adults, rather than letting the imperfections in their marriage fester until things end badly.

Do you think it is impossible for a couple to put aside their differences and make a good marriage through love and their own human effort?

In some cases, yes. In others, no. We are all human, some of us do make mistakes that we don't realize until later, and marriage certainly isn't exempt from that. This misty-eyed conception you have of marriage as some eternal, perfect bond is nice and all- hell, I got married a few weeks ago myself, I feel it- but it isn't realistic in a world where people aren't perfect. You can't force yourself to feel an emotion, you can't jam romantic satisfaction into your brain by thinking hard enough; it's very possible to pantomime a happy marriage for everyone's sake, but aside from outward appearances it doesn't address the core issue. Traditional christianity does tend to focus on projecting the perfect outward appearance while systematically devaluing the desires of the individual, but that doesn't mean that love and satisfaction can be forced into being. It just means christianity demands conformity with an ideal, regardless of the personal cost.

I'm speaking generally here. I'm not trying to be "holier than thou" and assume to be able to look into anyone's marriage and judge how they should act. I'm stating how I interpret christian moral principles and how I have applied them to my own marriage.

And I'm still wondering what greater moral purpose marriage serves.