Did you believe in Santa?

[Napoléon]

Well, did you?

And how did you find out the truth? And how did it make you feel?

I think I was about 7/8 when I finally found out Santa wasn't real.

Strange thing is, my mom and dad went to great lengths to make me believe it. They'd put out cookies and milk on Xmas eve for the fat prick, even a carrot for Rudolph (because fuck all his other reindeer). When I'd wake up, "oh shit!", half the carrot is left and the cookies/milk are gone. I even believed so much that, I specifically remember one day when I was in school, the teacher (for reasons I still can't fathom to this day) made the class do some kind of embarrassing poll where we'd have to say whether we thought Santa was real or not. Turns out about 20 other kids didn't believe but I did, and one other person.

So yeah, I believed he was real.

But I was a fucking kid who blindly trusted his parents.


Then one day my mom told me he wasn't real. "You lied to me my whole life?" was my response, at that age. I wasn't fucking happy. I was embarrassed that I believed something so stupid.

I guess that made me look differently at the world in some ways. It taught me not to just blindly accept what people say. I think I was a lot more skeptical from that point on. The funny thing is, my mom spent way more time convincing me Santa was real than Jesus. Yet nowadays whenever I take the piss out of Jesus she gets offended. Slightly odd.

I imagine most grown-ups who believe in Jesus have the same thing going on. Except it's just a more elaborate lie and it's never revealed to them how stupid it is.