(May 6, 2015 at 12:27 pm)dahrling Wrote: ...
(May 6, 2015 at 12:12 pm)Pyrrho Wrote: In my case, my wife and I were friends for about a year before we decided to add romance to the relationship. We were best friends at the time. About a year later, we were married, and have been happy together ever since.
If one of us had not been ready for romance, we simply would have stayed friends. I personally think people worry too much about damaging their friendships with romance. Unless one is a jerk to one's romantic partner (which is really a contradiction in terms, as being a jerk isn't romantic), I don't see why it should ruin anything.
But how did it come up? How does one decide to transform their platonic relationship into a romantic one?
I think that many people suffer when they love their friend but that love is unrequited. You still have to see them often and pretend like you don't have these feelings even though you do. And it gets a lot worse once your friend finds a partner. And then you might tell them and they might feel awkward around you.
How it came up was that one of us suggested the idea of adding romance to our relationship, and the other agreed that it was a good idea. I am not sure after all these years who suggested the idea first. The idea was originally put forth in a very tentative way. But if the other person had indicated that he or she was not receptive, then things would have just gone on as they had before. We would have continued with a platonic relationship.
As for how one decides to make such a change, in my case, I thought about what my friend was like, and also what I wanted in a romantic partner. Those things matched up very well, and so I thought it was a good idea. That is only part of it. I also felt like it was a good idea. I cannot give you a good explanation for that, but thinking about her helped with that.
Remember, we had known each other for a full year. We also spent a good amount of time in each other's company during that time, both around others, and alone together. We knew each other very well before we added romance to our relationship.
As for your idea of telling someone after they have a different romantic partner, that is not the best time to tell the person. The best time is when the person does not have a romantic partner. If they reject you and then later on have a romantic partner, they already know how you feel (or at least how you felt), so there is likely no need to tell them again at that point.
"A wise man ... proportions his belief to the evidence."
— David Hume, An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding, Section X, Part I.
