So I was going to make this an ask me anything thread but there seems to be quite a few people on here that have/have had/know someone who has had a mental illness so I want people to feel free to share opinions, experiences etc. I'll start by talking about my experiences and what i'm doing in therapy and then hopefully other people will join in - that's definitely my anxiety talking, not wanting this thread to be all about me (expect more of these neuroses)
I'm 22 and my depression started in the winter of 2007 so it's coming up on 8 years soon (maths!), the first year of that consisted of me slowly not being able to enjoy things and motivate myself anymore. I dropped an A Level subject, then dropped out of college entirely, i was less fun to be around for my friends which lead to me slowly slipping out of my social circle and this pattern continued until i was pretty much unable to do anything. There wasn't a cause for the depression, it just slowly started happening to me (maybe a genetic thing triggered by puberty, i've heard that can happen), I wish I could've noticed it was happening to me sooner so I could've maybe reversed it's effects before my life fell apart - I kind of have to start from scratch now, not sure how on earth to do this
My social anxiety, i'm not sure where this came from, I have three theories -
1. It's a result of the depression, never being able to envisage a positive outcome in any situation leads to me avoiding all social interactions.
2. It's that i'm not used to it now after having been isolated for so long, I just need to blow off the cobwebs by exposing myself to more social situations.
3. I've always been a fairly anxious person, but was still outgoing and extroverted when I was healthy and had a life to speak of, maybe my current situation is
bringing my anxieties closer to the surface given that I have to start from scratch
The social anxiety is what i'm currently in therapy for and that's probably what i'll be talking about most in here, the depression is more of a constant background level numbness, not being able to feel much or be excited in any way whereas the social anxiety is something I can talk in specifics about given that it happens in certain situations. There isn't really anything unusual about what makes me anxious, just imagine what makes healthy people anxious but multiply the intensity many times over to a point where it hinders all social interactions. If there's one thing that's pivotal to my anxiety it would be this - fear of not living up to my standards, I have to come across as clever and funny and interesting in every scenario. The pressure on myself to be those three things is so great that even when I achieve them I feel no sense of accomplishment, just relief - this leads to me avoiding social interactions altogether because there's nothing to be gained from them. I'm not sure if this is a problem which leads to the anxiety or something that came about as a result of it, I want to believe it's the latter because that means it's not my fault
Recent developments - Changed where my therapy takes place, it was originally in a small town and I had my grandad drive me there, now it's in the city centre and I take the bus there and back, this is huge for me, i'm fairly comfortable with the bus now (although i haven't had anyone sit next to me yet, maybe they can smell my fear) but being around so many people in the city is still hard - after a while it gets to be too much, feel alien/out of place/scrutinised... it's hard to explain but I can't be there for too long
Agreed to have someone look for voluntary work on my behalf, as a way of being around people where any communication would be tangential to whatever job we're doing. This is another big step for me, i don't feel too nervous about it atm but i'm sure i'll be terrified when it comes to it - and working a certain number of hours could mean my unemployment benefits get cut off, not sure how that all works
Feel free to ask questions, nothing's too personal and also feel free to comment if you haven't had any experiences with mental illness
I'm 22 and my depression started in the winter of 2007 so it's coming up on 8 years soon (maths!), the first year of that consisted of me slowly not being able to enjoy things and motivate myself anymore. I dropped an A Level subject, then dropped out of college entirely, i was less fun to be around for my friends which lead to me slowly slipping out of my social circle and this pattern continued until i was pretty much unable to do anything. There wasn't a cause for the depression, it just slowly started happening to me (maybe a genetic thing triggered by puberty, i've heard that can happen), I wish I could've noticed it was happening to me sooner so I could've maybe reversed it's effects before my life fell apart - I kind of have to start from scratch now, not sure how on earth to do this
My social anxiety, i'm not sure where this came from, I have three theories -
1. It's a result of the depression, never being able to envisage a positive outcome in any situation leads to me avoiding all social interactions.
2. It's that i'm not used to it now after having been isolated for so long, I just need to blow off the cobwebs by exposing myself to more social situations.
3. I've always been a fairly anxious person, but was still outgoing and extroverted when I was healthy and had a life to speak of, maybe my current situation is
bringing my anxieties closer to the surface given that I have to start from scratch
The social anxiety is what i'm currently in therapy for and that's probably what i'll be talking about most in here, the depression is more of a constant background level numbness, not being able to feel much or be excited in any way whereas the social anxiety is something I can talk in specifics about given that it happens in certain situations. There isn't really anything unusual about what makes me anxious, just imagine what makes healthy people anxious but multiply the intensity many times over to a point where it hinders all social interactions. If there's one thing that's pivotal to my anxiety it would be this - fear of not living up to my standards, I have to come across as clever and funny and interesting in every scenario. The pressure on myself to be those three things is so great that even when I achieve them I feel no sense of accomplishment, just relief - this leads to me avoiding social interactions altogether because there's nothing to be gained from them. I'm not sure if this is a problem which leads to the anxiety or something that came about as a result of it, I want to believe it's the latter because that means it's not my fault
Recent developments - Changed where my therapy takes place, it was originally in a small town and I had my grandad drive me there, now it's in the city centre and I take the bus there and back, this is huge for me, i'm fairly comfortable with the bus now (although i haven't had anyone sit next to me yet, maybe they can smell my fear) but being around so many people in the city is still hard - after a while it gets to be too much, feel alien/out of place/scrutinised... it's hard to explain but I can't be there for too long
Agreed to have someone look for voluntary work on my behalf, as a way of being around people where any communication would be tangential to whatever job we're doing. This is another big step for me, i don't feel too nervous about it atm but i'm sure i'll be terrified when it comes to it - and working a certain number of hours could mean my unemployment benefits get cut off, not sure how that all works
Feel free to ask questions, nothing's too personal and also feel free to comment if you haven't had any experiences with mental illness
“The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. And when you suspend your individual beauty you also give up a lot of your humanity. You will do things in the name of a group that you would never do on your own. Injuring, hurting, killing, drinking are all part of it, because you've lost your identity, because you now owe your allegiance to this thing that's bigger than you are and that controls you.” - George Carlin
