Are Married Men "Husbands?" How About a New Term for a New Relationship?

[Rev. Rye]

Not sure if this is the right forum for this. But...


I am a woman and (gee, Rhonda, we never would have guess. Thanks for the heads up) I don't like the word "husband. I can't help wondering if it has an etymological connection to the word "husbandry."

Think about it. Until relatively recently, women were considered the property of their husbands. A woman without a husband was like a cow without a cowboy. From its inception marriage has been about men doing the tasks of husbandry—caring for and managing their wives.
e are in a new era now. Isn't it kind of retro to enter this new epoch with a term that speaks of inequality in the relationship?

I knew a lesbian couple at work once (well, technically, they were just two bisexual girls who dated for a while). I once heard one of them saying she wanted to be considered "the husband" in the relationship. Surprisingly, it was the less butch one who said she wanted to be "the husband." I can only assume she wanted her wife to have dinner ready for her when she went home after a long day of getting intimate with other girls at a titty bar (Yes, she did openly go to strip clubs, even when she was dating). Then again, she seemed to be stuck with a five-year-old's maturity and, from what I can gather, she seems to have been raised in a very conservative home. (FWIW, I have since met lesbians who were more "normal" than her.) I can only assume she used those terms because she couldn't think outside of those words.

Then again, is there a better alternative that doesn't seem as impersonal as "partner." I remember Elton John saying ""There is a world of difference between calling someone your 'partner' and calling them your 'husband'. 'Partner' is a word that should be preserved for people you play tennis with, or work alongside in business. It doesn't come close to describing the love that I have for David, and he for me. In contrast, 'husband' does."

That said, marriage itself is pretty much a throwback to a more paternalistic view of women and the world.