From the only predominantly super-Catholic country in Asia
July 4, 2015 at 1:10 pm
(This post was last modified: July 4, 2015 at 1:12 pm by Quartz.)
Ohayo gozaimasu, I'm Dane. (^_^)
Just a background/rant about me.
I'm a 14 year old (my birthday was last week) Filipino artist/singer/writer who's currently living in Hell. No, not the religious underworld-where-bad-people-go-when-they-die Hell; the figurative manifestation of Hell-on-earth, the Philippine Islands. I swear, if I were still Catholic, I would say we're going straight to Hell. People here are just major ignorant hypocrites. They claim to be devotedly Catholic, but what do they do to show it? Sure they attend religious service, and worship sessions, and spiritual retreats, and Bible studies, but still poverty, crime and corruption rates are very high, people are generally unsensitive or disrespectful, the income gap, social inequality, etc. is still very large. They would rather pray than help the poor. They would rather offer eggs to statues of saints or go on visiting hundreds of old churches.
As some of you may already know, the Philippines is super-Catholic. And when I say super-Catholic, I mean SUPERCATHOLIC. Manila is the densest city in the world, but every single person I've met here in all my fourteen years has always been Catholic, and would very likely be Catholic forever. Being Atheist or Agnostic or anything other than Catholic is looked down upon or at least considered weird by the majority of the population. Oftentimes, I feel alone and isolated because nobody thinks they way I do. Every time Jesus is mentioned (literally everywhere), I just roll my eyes and tune out or leave. Meaning: I'm missing a lot. I feel like I'm breathing stale air, like I'm suffocating; I can't believe in what I think is right anymore. I'm being force-fed things that I simply do not believe in. I'm being forced to do things that I do not want to do. I'm forced to be someone who I'm not, and don't ever want to be.
My parents, just like everyone else, are very super-Catholic. I do in fact love them very much, and want to be the best for them.
Sure I want to be the perfect child. I've always wanted to be the best son my super-Catholic parents could ever have. But there are complications. I'm both gay and an atheist. A gaytheist, if you will. It's so hard to live like this. It's like I have to come out twice. Two social deviations that I'm sure they would disapprove of. I've tried talking about it, but they just wouldn't listen. They tell me that I'm young, and I don't know much yet. They tell me that I'll find God in the future. But it's just so hard to tell them "I JUST DON'T BELIEVE IN THAT; please don't force me". I know that they only want what's best for me, but is there anything really wrong about choosing to believe in something else? I know that they just want to save my soul or something, but my soul does not need saving. Religion is just a waste of time. For me, at least. I, unlike them, do not want my time wasted.
I go to a super-Catholic Jesuit school, with super-Catholic teachings, super-Catholic teachers and staff, a super-Catholic Jesuit principal, basically everything super-catholic. Literally everything in that place is centered around Jesus. It's in their Mission/Vision statement, "to mold students into loving servants of God." No subject or class would be complete without a reflection on Jesus. Masses, recollections, reflections, etc. every day of every month of every year. There's no escaping it. No alternative. They assume that you're Catholic, and they'll treat you bad if you act otherwise. I feel like I'm trapped, no way out. Drowning in the flood of God the Father, the Son and The Holy Spirit. Those who know my religious status treat me like a leper, or that creepy hobo on the side of the road. I just want to scream "I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR SAINTS, I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOUR BIBLE, PLEASE HAVE A BIT RESPECT OR CONSIDERATION FOR ME AND PEOPLE LIKE ME.
Even my best friend won't stop trying to convert me. Just like everyone else; it's all the same. They all try, but no one has ever succeeded. Just the other day, he had informed me that he cited me as an example for an essay in our Christian Life Education class. He said that I did not believe in God (which instantly made my essay answer look like major plastic BS) and that he would do everything he could to help me rise up from"spiritual poverty". Yep, that's what they call it now, "spiritual poverty". So basically, I'm a poor person, and he's acting like that grand old charitable do-gooder who would save my soul and feed my hunger for Jesus or something. I just can't live like this. I don't want people to think I'm different, but I don't want to pretend I'm the same. But the thing is, I am the same. It's not like I'm any less of a person than they are. But why on earth do they act like I am?
So why am I here? I'm here because I'm lonely, excluded, depressed, frustrated and annoyed. I'm also considering suicide. I'm here because no one I know here will ever understand me. I'm here because I can't talk to my family, friends, teachers, etc. because they'll just try to convert me. I'm here because I'm tired of acting, of playing this part that I just don't want to play anymore. I should be allowed to believe in whatever I want to believe in. I don't want to believe in something to please anyone. I just want people to accept me for who I am. That is all.
With that, I would like to say hello again to all of you. Felt great letting it out somewhere. Hope to have a good time here. c:
Just a background/rant about me.
I'm a 14 year old (my birthday was last week) Filipino artist/singer/writer who's currently living in Hell. No, not the religious underworld-where-bad-people-go-when-they-die Hell; the figurative manifestation of Hell-on-earth, the Philippine Islands. I swear, if I were still Catholic, I would say we're going straight to Hell. People here are just major ignorant hypocrites. They claim to be devotedly Catholic, but what do they do to show it? Sure they attend religious service, and worship sessions, and spiritual retreats, and Bible studies, but still poverty, crime and corruption rates are very high, people are generally unsensitive or disrespectful, the income gap, social inequality, etc. is still very large. They would rather pray than help the poor. They would rather offer eggs to statues of saints or go on visiting hundreds of old churches.
As some of you may already know, the Philippines is super-Catholic. And when I say super-Catholic, I mean SUPERCATHOLIC. Manila is the densest city in the world, but every single person I've met here in all my fourteen years has always been Catholic, and would very likely be Catholic forever. Being Atheist or Agnostic or anything other than Catholic is looked down upon or at least considered weird by the majority of the population. Oftentimes, I feel alone and isolated because nobody thinks they way I do. Every time Jesus is mentioned (literally everywhere), I just roll my eyes and tune out or leave. Meaning: I'm missing a lot. I feel like I'm breathing stale air, like I'm suffocating; I can't believe in what I think is right anymore. I'm being force-fed things that I simply do not believe in. I'm being forced to do things that I do not want to do. I'm forced to be someone who I'm not, and don't ever want to be.
My parents, just like everyone else, are very super-Catholic. I do in fact love them very much, and want to be the best for them.
Sure I want to be the perfect child. I've always wanted to be the best son my super-Catholic parents could ever have. But there are complications. I'm both gay and an atheist. A gaytheist, if you will. It's so hard to live like this. It's like I have to come out twice. Two social deviations that I'm sure they would disapprove of. I've tried talking about it, but they just wouldn't listen. They tell me that I'm young, and I don't know much yet. They tell me that I'll find God in the future. But it's just so hard to tell them "I JUST DON'T BELIEVE IN THAT; please don't force me". I know that they only want what's best for me, but is there anything really wrong about choosing to believe in something else? I know that they just want to save my soul or something, but my soul does not need saving. Religion is just a waste of time. For me, at least. I, unlike them, do not want my time wasted.
I go to a super-Catholic Jesuit school, with super-Catholic teachings, super-Catholic teachers and staff, a super-Catholic Jesuit principal, basically everything super-catholic. Literally everything in that place is centered around Jesus. It's in their Mission/Vision statement, "to mold students into loving servants of God." No subject or class would be complete without a reflection on Jesus. Masses, recollections, reflections, etc. every day of every month of every year. There's no escaping it. No alternative. They assume that you're Catholic, and they'll treat you bad if you act otherwise. I feel like I'm trapped, no way out. Drowning in the flood of God the Father, the Son and The Holy Spirit. Those who know my religious status treat me like a leper, or that creepy hobo on the side of the road. I just want to scream "I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR SAINTS, I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOUR BIBLE, PLEASE HAVE A BIT RESPECT OR CONSIDERATION FOR ME AND PEOPLE LIKE ME.
Even my best friend won't stop trying to convert me. Just like everyone else; it's all the same. They all try, but no one has ever succeeded. Just the other day, he had informed me that he cited me as an example for an essay in our Christian Life Education class. He said that I did not believe in God (which instantly made my essay answer look like major plastic BS) and that he would do everything he could to help me rise up from"spiritual poverty". Yep, that's what they call it now, "spiritual poverty". So basically, I'm a poor person, and he's acting like that grand old charitable do-gooder who would save my soul and feed my hunger for Jesus or something. I just can't live like this. I don't want people to think I'm different, but I don't want to pretend I'm the same. But the thing is, I am the same. It's not like I'm any less of a person than they are. But why on earth do they act like I am?
So why am I here? I'm here because I'm lonely, excluded, depressed, frustrated and annoyed. I'm also considering suicide. I'm here because no one I know here will ever understand me. I'm here because I can't talk to my family, friends, teachers, etc. because they'll just try to convert me. I'm here because I'm tired of acting, of playing this part that I just don't want to play anymore. I should be allowed to believe in whatever I want to believe in. I don't want to believe in something to please anyone. I just want people to accept me for who I am. That is all.
With that, I would like to say hello again to all of you. Felt great letting it out somewhere. Hope to have a good time here. c:
