[Serious] Giving up the fight

[zwanzig]

Hang in there I understand how you feel... I've often felt similar. In my case some of my family have an ostrich-like approach not only to gay issues but also atheism, so their tendency is to pre-emptively shut down any conversation that could even potentially threaten their beliefs/world view. So when I came to this site, at first it was a welcome change; seeing theists actually willing to expose themselves to and address uncomfortable issues... and at the beginning, arguing/debating with them was quite therapeutic for me. But as time wore on, I kind of came to the conclusion, it wasn't that much different - ostrich or no, the door wasn't really open for many, so now I have a much more Buddhist/stoic approach to it all, of just let it be. I know that's probably easier said than done in some situations, especially if they're actively being a dick, and I'm so sorry that they are for you , and in any case it's probably not for everyone, but in my case, and in my experience, there is peace to be found in letting it be; of letting go of any expectations or hopes that the other will change.

Yes, I get what you're saying here and your later clarification. That's in general what I mean by giving up the "fight". I don't want to argue, I don't want to work so hard to justify myself to people who are biological essentialists.

I will say, being trans is different than being gay. I suffer from dysphoria. Fear of being rejected has kept me closeted the last few years since I decided on this direction. I desire to be seen and thought of as a man. I desire to look in the mirror and see a man. So, when my family call me a woman's name and refuse to be corrected, it IS like they're not accepting whole parts of me. I understand it'll take some time and I'm willing to be patient. But I'm talking about those family who aren't interested in trying, who don't want to try. And I agree, it is a "let it be" I can't control them kind of feeling. But it also has me trying to think of how to navigate future family gatherings while I'm working on myself, trying to own this role, trying to be seen as more masculine, and they make me feel like a woman just pretending with a word.

Well, at least you can take solace in the fact that there’s loads of other things to do here besides debating theists. I just look for a thread that seems interesting to me and if it looks like I have something to say about it, I do. And if you’re burned out from debating theists, well, by this point, I rarely debate theists. Indeed, by this point, several of the users I spar against the most are other atheists (though they are more right-wing than is usual for the forum.) And while I don’t expect that I can convince them they’re wrong, I do expect that I can show the rest of us that they’re wrong.

Just hang in there, man.

Thanks, Rev. We can always talk spooky movies, yes.

Looking good.

I'm still in the process of losing more weight, too, but these last fifteen pounds just don't want to shed themselves from me. xD I seem stuck around the 165 area.

Thank you. It doesn't get easier! I have gone dirty vegetarian (I am veg most days but at least 2-3 times a week, I add a very small amount of animal meat into my meals) because I just couldn't fecking lose while eating animals. It's a good thing I like vegetables so much.

I've got about 66 lbs. to go before I hit my goal. I wanted to get down and build muscle before I start HRT. It'll be like puberty all over again and testosterone makes you hungry, I have heard. So, I'll likely gain a bit when I start it.

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I'm beginning to think I'm the only one who put my actual photo in my avatar.

Lol! I wish I had Eklund's beard. Sorry to disappoint. Someday soon, though!

I would focus on BMI and not weight; I like the 24-24.99 range, just below the "overweight" category.

Yep. I'm using BMI as my goal gauge. My BMI healthy weight range is 122-167 lbs. My goal weight is 150 lbs. Today, I'm 216 and that puts me at 31.9 between overweight and obese. So, yes, I'm using that as a general meter to shoot for.

Looking good.

I'm still in the process of losing more weight, too, but these last fifteen pounds just don't want to shed themselves from me. xD I seem stuck around the 165 area.

Lucky you. I haven't weighed that little in over 30 years. I saw a doctor on TV (yes, I know, but a real doctor (and nutritionist), who talked about how a person's body may have a "set point" which makes it difficult to lose weight below it). Ten, yer lookin' good! Keep it up.   I wish you luck on your personal journey.

Thank you!

I know everything here is all "WTG" and "YdoY" bla bla.

But your family shouldn't be written off over a single decision. Just want to make sure you haven't signed them to the Anti-woke grave yard. People can understand parts of each other without getting the whole. In fact that might be the vast majority if not all of human existence. So give them a second shot at it. I know it would be hard for me to call my siblings another name out of the blue after years of naming them one thing.

Don't expect radical change at a 90degree turn. You might be seeing a whole new way, but everybody behind you is just seeing a new side of you for the first time.

That is a Great quote! Did I just first that?

I understand. And it's good advice. I guess, I'm keeping my expectations low is all. It would matter a lot and I'd take the occasional mistakes better if I knew they were trying, that they wanted this for me. But they don't. And that's kind of hurtful to be around? I know, likely with time, tensions will ease. I was just in general expressing my fatigue about this as well as pursuit of sparring foes in the theist sphere.