I'm afraid of being agnostic, I need help

[robvalue]

It's a bit hard to describe, but it was a combination of emotional bullying, belittlement, making sure I needed them, insults... just a gradual grinding down over years to the point where I had nothing left and was a suicidal wreck. They are unbelievable control freaks, and they've admitted the only reason they had us was to be looked up to and needed. As soon as me and my brothers got to the age that we could start being independent, they couldn't stand it so did everything they could to keep us under their thumbs. I can't even remember a lot of my childhood so I think I've blanked much of it out, I know some violence was involved too but I'm not sure how much. Both my brothers and I have all suffered depression because of this treatment. Because they are so convincing, they had me feeling it was all my fault.