Middle child...middle finger?

[MTL]

I am the oldest of three girls.

BOTH of my parents were middle children, themselves...from families of three children.

Also, BOTH of my parents had an abusive mother,
and BOTH had a bully for an older sibling,
and BOTH had a golden child for a younger sibling.

Dad never seemed to blame me for being the oldest, even though HIS older brother was also a bully.


But my Mom is another story.

This is pretty effed-up....follow the pattern:

When Mom was growing up,
her mother (my grandma) and her older sister (my aunt)
teamed-up and picked on her  (my Mom)....the middle child.

Nowadays,
it is she, my mother, and my middle sister,
who team-up against me....the eldest child.

Mom basically projects her resentment of her own older sister onto me...her own eldest daughter;
whilst shamelessly favouring her own middle child....my sister, whom she feels she identifies with.



To make it still more complicated, see if you can follow this:

My grandmother never got over the loss of her own mother (my great-grandmother),
who was very nurturing and doting toward my grandmother...but also bossy and controlling.

As a result, my grandmother not only favoured her eldest daughter (my aunt),
....and GROOMED my Aunt to act as a mother to the younger children (my mother, and my uncle)...

but she also groomed my Aunt to replace HER OWN DECEASED MOTHER (my great-grandmother).

(nowadays my Aunt is like a mother to my Grandmother)

NOTE:  Whereas my Great-Grandmother was doting to my Grandmother,
my Grandmother, on the other hand, constantly SNUBBED my own Mother.

My mother has fruitlessly spent her life trying to earn my grandmother's love, approval, and acceptance,
....only to see her older sister (my aunt) always be favoured.

Mom never managed to free herself of the hold my grandmother had over her.

So now, this is the second pattern, about to repeat:

My grandmother is now on her way out (she is in her 90s);


So NOW Mom is GROOMING MY SISTER, to replace my Grandmother

much in the way my Grandmother groomed my Aunt, to replace my Great-Grandmother.

(This is because my sister is JUST LIKE MY GRANDMOTHER....
insecure, malicious, entitled, impossible to please, manipulative...

...but that is all Mom has ever known, from my Grandmother.
so Mom can't stand the idea of being without it...she's addicted.

...much in the way that my Aunt reminds my Grandmother of my Great-Grandmother:
nurturing and doting, but also bossy and domineering).


The sad irony is that I have helped Mom for 10 years...but I still don't have her respect;

whereas my sister has always taken horrendous advantage of Mom
...but Mom can't see it...just like with Grandma.

So it is ME who more truly fills the same role my mother had, growing up,
but because of birth order, my mom doesn't see it.



Today, there is much acrimony between my middle sister and I.

Like my Grandmother, my sister enjoys having Mom constantly scrambling for her approval,
....and she resents my existence, entirely.

She has repeatedly stated that she feels that I  am the favourite
...but never provides any supporting examples as to why she feels this way.

sorry to air all the dirty laundry.  But there you have it.  Birth Order can fuck you up.