In support of the rage of man

[Yonadav]

But I'm trying to carry on an honest discussion about feelings

Oh well, there's your problem.

Honest discussion? 

Gae is a violent man and a bully. He's not at all ashamed of his criminal past. He likes to type vulgar insults. There's no doubt at all that he's done way more stupid things than you have, some of it while acting as a state sanctioned purveyor of violence in the military. 

People build up their rage and then are happy to find an outlet. By attempting honest discussion that diverges a tiny bit from the current norm, you give them that opportunity. If they really opposed bad things, they'd go fight white supremacists or Eliot Abrams or any of the infinite number of truly bad things. But you and Yonadev are more convenient. (It's just like prayer; they get to express their feelings and gain the illusion that they've accomplished something.)

They actually do seem to think that they are accomplishing something. The prayer analogy is pretty good.

---

 I think you need to get out more.

I worked for Social Security (Federal) for 25 years.

That kind of behaviour and worse  is  common in the  (my) community. Sometimes the large object connects. That the target of the tv did not immediately leave suggests a pretty toxic relationship at the very least.

Our friend does not seem to grasp just how close he came to ambulance, police and jail time. At the very least, a course in rage management is probably a good idea.

However, he won't do anything, he doesn't't really want to change.    If that were the case he would already have sought help, rather  than  discussing the issue on an internet forum.  The very last thing he wants is an honest discussion of his feelings, he will reject even mild confrontation. --THAT  opinion comes from a couple of years as a Lifeline counsellor;  I've met him before, more than once.

I didn't throw a TV at my wife.  I vented on the TV instead.  But it was still a loss of control.  I now choose to avoid confrontation completely, and I think that's a pretty good choice.


As for seeking help-- I'm in Korea.  I don't have resources available to me that I'd have in Canada or the US.  Literally the only social contact I have is with people in this forum.

Your words do hurt a little, though.  "He won't do anything, he doesn't really want to change."  I've specifically described the changes I've made.

But this is kind of what this thread is about-- you don't know anything about what was said, or why.  You don't know anything about my feelings or how I've tried to address them, but you're already giving your expert opinion.  As soon as you hear that a man was angry, ever, you've got the word "abuse" on mind.

Don't worry, dude. The somewhat hurtful psychoanalysis that they have been doing on you is simply for their benefit. It's how they chip, bend, and twist you to make you fit into the pigeonhole that they want to stuff you into. It's not you that's getting stuffed into that box. It's a figment of their imagination.