(April 1, 2019 at 7:15 pm)Gae Bolga Wrote:

(April 1, 2019 at 6:50 pm)Yonadav Wrote: Actually, he should have called the police when she physically blocked him from leaving.

: wonders what ragefully dialing the cops looks like :

It would have been the right thing to do though. She absolutely violated the law when she physically blocked him from exiting the building. You know damn well you would support a woman calling the police in exactly the same situation.

@Gae Bolga

"I'm legitimately surprised that she's still with you...so I guess it's not all bad for guys, right? You can get away with that bullshit."

Sounds a lot like beaten/abused wife syndrome, assuming his behaviour has been as extreme for some time. Regardless, it's not healthy, for either of them.

If this is a pattern of mutual behaviour, the relationship is in big trouble.,quite possibly already beyond repair. All we have here is his version. If true,I suggest he give serious consideration to leaving the relationship. He can't change her behaviour, he can only change his own.

Theres is a great deal of bullshit written about interventionist relationship therapy. Short answer: The success rate is low. I suspect because people see therapy as a last resort, which is usually far too late.

(April 1, 2019 at 6:51 pm)Gae Bolga Wrote: At least we're getting closer to the source of your gripe about the rage of man.  There is a woman who makes you want to throw shit.  If I were you, I'd get out of that before you did something (else) stupid.  No one with functioning brain cells is going to hear that story, or any story like it, and think "yeah, yeah, in support of the rage of man".  They're going to realize that you're an unhinged loon who smashes his toys like a child when the bad lady says mean words.

I'm legitimately surprised that she's still with you...so I guess it's not all bad for guys, right?  You can get away with that bullshit.

And there we are. You can demonize me, but I am what I am, and I took measures both to control my feelings and to minimize their effect. I'm not particularly happy about that situation, but I think it's worth discussing honestly.

You want to use this as a target for your PC trigger, then go ahead. But I'm trying to carry on an honest discussion about feelings, and anyway there's nothing you're likely to say that will hurt me more than what I've already thought and felt after those incidents.

You threw a tube tv, in rage.  You're lucky you didn't stumble. This is some of the dumbest shit I've heard in my life.

(April 1, 2019 at 7:24 pm)bennyboy Wrote: But I'm trying to carry on an honest discussion about feelings

Oh well, there's your problem.

Honest discussion? 

Gae is a violent man and a bully. He's not at all ashamed of his criminal past. He likes to type vulgar insults. There's no doubt at all that he's done way more stupid things than you have, some of it while acting as a state sanctioned purveyor of violence in the military. 

People build up their rage and then are happy to find an outlet. By attempting honest discussion that diverges a tiny bit from the current norm, you give them that opportunity. If they really opposed bad things, they'd go fight white supremacists or Eliot Abrams or any of the infinite number of truly bad things. But you and Yonadev are more convenient. (It's just like prayer; they get to express their feelings and gain the illusion that they've accomplished something.)

(April 1, 2019 at 7:24 pm)bennyboy Wrote:

(April 1, 2019 at 6:51 pm)Gae Bolga Wrote: At least we're getting closer to the source of your gripe about the rage of man.  There is a woman who makes you want to throw shit.  If I were you, I'd get out of that before you did something (else) stupid.  No one with functioning brain cells is going to hear that story, or any story like it, and think "yeah, yeah, in support of the rage of man".  They're going to realize that you're an unhinged loon who smashes his toys like a child when the bad lady says mean words.

I'm legitimately surprised that she's still with you...so I guess it's not all bad for guys, right?  You can get away with that bullshit.

And there we are.  You can demonize me, but I am what I am, and I took measures both to control my feelings and to minimize their effect.  I'm not particularly happy about that situation, but I think it's worth discussing honestly.

You want to use this as a target for your PC trigger, then go ahead.  But I'm trying to carry on an honest discussion about feelings, and anyway there's nothing you're likely to say that will hurt me more than what I've already thought and felt after those incidents.

Dude, I'm really serious when I tell you that your wife needs to be made to understand that she can't physically block you when you are trying to walk away. Walking away is the manly thing to do. It's the wise thing to do. You know this. 

When your wife physically blocks you from walking away, that's taking the argument to a physical level. You know that a man who blocks your exit when you are angry and trying to walk away is trying to take the conflict to another level. It's exactly the same when a woman does it. She's hoping you will back down rather than get physical, but she's willing to get physical.  In the US, it really is illegal to block a person who is trying to exit. 

You can get her to understand that she can't physically block you from leaving through counseling. You really can call the police when she blocks you. In the US, the police would probably just ask you to put her on the line, and they would tell her that she needs to step aside. Or you can just talk to her about it when there is peace between you, and see if you can make her understand how important it is that she step aside when you are trying to leave.

Because what you did wasn't all that bad. Physically blocking someone who is trying to walk away is really, really aggressive. Imagine it with two dudes who are becoming physically confrontational, and one of them tries to walk away. The other guy physically blocks him from walking away, which almost never happens because it is an ultra aggressive dick move. That ultra aggressive dick move is what you wife did when she physically blocked you from walking away. You went through the roof because that's what we do when someone pulls an ultra aggressive dick move on us. You're confused about this, because it's your wife and she's a woman, and women don't do ultra aggressive dick moves. But they do.

So for your sake and hers, she needs to be made to understand that she can't do that ultra aggressive dick move.

(April 1, 2019 at 7:31 pm)Gae Bolga Wrote: You threw a tube tv, in rage.  You're lucky you didn't stumble.  This is some of the dumbest shit I've heard in my life.

 I think you need to get out more.

I worked for Social Security (Federal) for 25 years.

That kind of behaviour and worse  is  common in the  (my) community. Sometimes the large object connects. That the target of the tv did not immediately leave suggests a pretty toxic relationship at the very least.

Our friend does not seem to grasp just how close he came to ambulance, police and jail time. At the very least, a course in rage management is probably a good idea.

However, he won't do anything, he doesn't't really want to change. If that were the case he would already have sought help, rather than discussing the issue on an internet forum. The very last thing he wants is an honest discussion of his feelings, he will reject even mild confrontation. --THAT opinion comes from a couple of years as a Lifeline counsellor; I've met him before, more than once.

(April 1, 2019 at 7:46 pm)Belaqua Wrote: Gae is a violent man and a bully. He's not at all ashamed of his criminal past. He likes to type vulgar insults. There's no doubt at all that he's done way more stupid things than you have, some of it while acting as a state sanctioned purveyor of violence in the military. 

The benefits of the patriarchy are manifold.  

If he wants open and honest, then he's going to have to deal with people openly and honestly laughing at this nonsense.  You know, man to man.

As a practiced purveyor of violence and criminality, I'll offer this advice. Do it calm. You'll only fuck it up if you're angry.

(April 1, 2019 at 7:49 pm)fredd bear Wrote:

(April 1, 2019 at 7:31 pm)Gae Bolga Wrote: You threw a tube tv, in rage.  You're lucky you didn't stumble.  This is some of the dumbest shit I've heard in my life.

 I think you need to get out more.

I worked for Social Security (Federal) for 25 years.

That kind of behaviour and worse  is  common in the  (my) community. Sometimes the large object connects. That the target of the tv did not immediately leave suggests a pretty toxic relationship at the very least.

Our friend does not seem to grasp just how close he came to ambulance, police and jail time. At the very least, a course in rage management is probably a good idea.

However, he won't do anything, he doesn't't really want to change.    If that were the case he would already have sought help, rather  than  discussing the issue on an internet forum.  The very last thing he wants is an honest discussion of his feelings, he will reject even mild confrontation. --THAT  opinion comes from a couple of years as a Lifeline counsellor;  I've met him before, more than once.

I didn't throw a TV at my wife.  I vented on the TV instead-- there was no point at which she was in physical danger.  But it was still a loss of control, and I didn't like feeling that way.  I now choose to avoid confrontation completely, and I think that's a pretty good choice.

As for seeking help-- I'm in Korea.  I don't have resources available to me that I'd have in Canada or the US. Your words do hurt a little, though.  "He won't do anything, he doesn't really want to change."  I've specifically described some of the changes I've made, and you never asked if there were others. Literally the only social contact I have is with people in this forum. Nothing toxic there, thank god!

But I know what counseling would tell me-- keep a journal of my feelings, figure out what triggers me, and avoid situations that are likely to make me feel frustrated. Put that pent-up energy into something more productive, like a good long run. Listen to relaxing music, distract yourself with some entertainment, or otherwise clear out your mind, don't drink alcohol or stimulants. These are all things that I do, because I'm actively engaged in the process of feeling good and trying to live better every day.

What you're assuming is that in describing an incident that happened about 10 years ago, and in talking about male rage in general, it's never occurred to me to research the issue. In fact, I haven't been enraged in quite a while-- because I am in fact taking those steps that I can. For someone in your position, I'd say that kind of prejudice is pretty dangerous. You are quick to demonize, but didn't ask any of the right kinds of questions first. Whatever you think your credentials are, you might want to consider going back to that training manual for a refresher, because I'm pretty sure you're not following protocol right now.

And this is kind of what this thread is about-- you don't know anything about what was said, or why.  You don't know anything about my feelings or how I've tried to address them, but you're already giving your "expert" opinion.  As soon as you hear that a man was angry, ever, you've got the word "abuse" on mind. You've got me all figured out, hey?

(April 1, 2019 at 7:46 pm)Belaqua Wrote:

(April 1, 2019 at 7:24 pm)bennyboy Wrote: But I'm trying to carry on an honest discussion about feelings

Oh well, there's your problem.

Honest discussion? 

Gae is a violent man and a bully. He's not at all ashamed of his criminal past. He likes to type vulgar insults. There's no doubt at all that he's done way more stupid things than you have, some of it while acting as a state sanctioned purveyor of violence in the military. 

People build up their rage and then are happy to find an outlet. By attempting honest discussion that diverges a tiny bit from the current norm, you give them that opportunity. If they really opposed bad things, they'd go fight white supremacists or Eliot Abrams or any of the infinite number of truly bad things. But you and Yonadev are more convenient. (It's just like prayer; they get to express their feelings and gain the illusion that they've accomplished something.)

They actually do seem to think that they are accomplishing something. The prayer analogy is pretty good.

---

(April 1, 2019 at 8:06 pm)bennyboy Wrote:

(April 1, 2019 at 7:49 pm)fredd bear Wrote:  I think you need to get out more.

I worked for Social Security (Federal) for 25 years.

That kind of behaviour and worse  is  common in the  (my) community. Sometimes the large object connects. That the target of the tv did not immediately leave suggests a pretty toxic relationship at the very least.

Our friend does not seem to grasp just how close he came to ambulance, police and jail time. At the very least, a course in rage management is probably a good idea.

However, he won't do anything, he doesn't't really want to change.    If that were the case he would already have sought help, rather  than  discussing the issue on an internet forum.  The very last thing he wants is an honest discussion of his feelings, he will reject even mild confrontation. --THAT  opinion comes from a couple of years as a Lifeline counsellor;  I've met him before, more than once.

I didn't throw a TV at my wife.  I vented on the TV instead.  But it was still a loss of control.  I now choose to avoid confrontation completely, and I think that's a pretty good choice.


As for seeking help-- I'm in Korea.  I don't have resources available to me that I'd have in Canada or the US.  Literally the only social contact I have is with people in this forum.

Your words do hurt a little, though.  "He won't do anything, he doesn't really want to change."  I've specifically described the changes I've made.

But this is kind of what this thread is about-- you don't know anything about what was said, or why.  You don't know anything about my feelings or how I've tried to address them, but you're already giving your expert opinion.  As soon as you hear that a man was angry, ever, you've got the word "abuse" on mind.

Don't worry, dude. The somewhat hurtful psychoanalysis that they have been doing on you is simply for their benefit. It's how they chip, bend, and twist you to make you fit into the pigeonhole that they want to stuff you into. It's not you that's getting stuffed into that box. It's a figment of their imagination.