Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: November 21, 2024, 7:15 pm

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Merry Xmas, Assholes
#1
Merry Xmas, Assholes
From Jesusneverexisted.com comes this discussion of xtian bullshit.

http://www.jesusneverexisted.com/virginity.html

Quote:Neither Mark not Paul, nor any of the other writers of the New Testament letters, know of Jesus's birth to a virgin; in fact, they show no awareness of his nativity at all. Though collectively all are earlier writers than Matthew and Luke, they evidently know least about his birth. Perhaps even more surprising, the authors of John, though certainly aware of the birth tales presented by Matthew and Luke, have passed over those stories as unworthy of a mention in their own gospel. But for all that, the pretty tale of miraculous birth and fulfillment of ancient prophecy has delighted and enthused generations of Christians who, with simple faith, are able to weather the harsh storm of rationality and objectivity with a halfwit's beaming smile. Hey, it's Christmas.
Reply
#2
RE: Merry Xmas, Assholes
(December 22, 2011 at 1:06 pm)Minimalist Wrote: From Jesusneverexisted.com comes this discussion of xtian bullshit.

http://www.jesusneverexisted.com/virginity.html

Quote:Neither Mark not Paul, nor any of the other writers of the New Testament letters, know of Jesus's birth to a virgin; in fact, they show no awareness of his nativity at all. Though collectively all are earlier writers than Matthew and Luke, they evidently know least about his birth. Perhaps even more surprising, the authors of John, though certainly aware of the birth tales presented by Matthew and Luke, have passed over those stories as unworthy of a mention in their own gospel. But for all that, the pretty tale of miraculous birth and fulfillment of ancient prophecy has delighted and enthused generations of Christians who, with the faith of simpletons, are able to weather the harsh storm of rationality and objectivity with a halfwit's beaming smile. Hey, it's Christmas.

Fixed that for them.
"If there are gaps they are in our knowledge, not in things themselves." Chapman Cohen

"Shit-apples don't fall far from the shit-tree, Randy." Mr. Lahey
Reply
#3
RE: Merry Xmas, Assholes
A long journey, a virgin gets drilled, there's a baby born with a bunch of cute animals around. Strangers give him riches and all lived happily ever after...for a time.

I can see that selling popcorn and peanuts, pretty sure it does. Christmas is a holiday that celebrates effective storytelling and retail sales opportunities. Any excuse to get sloshed is fine by me. I'm going to have to bite my tongue hard in a couple of days. Father in law has a tradition (that his father apparently started) of reading the "story of christmas" on christmas. Thusfar it hasn't taken with my little ones, I'm hopeful...lol.
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
Reply
#4
RE: Merry Xmas, Assholes
What kind of census makes everybody in the country go to their place of birth, causing massive upheaval,(and at saturnalia when the romans would be partying) rather than have a question in the census that asked for place of birth. It dont make no sense.



You can fix ignorance, you can't fix stupid.

Tinkety Tonk and down with the Nazis.




 








Reply
#5
RE: Merry Xmas, Assholes
^ That never sat well with me, even from a very young age.... why the heck would they want to do a census that tells them where you were born, but not where you currently live? Its just an ignorant way to get useless information.
Reply
#6
RE: Merry Xmas, Assholes
When Augustus conducted a census it was to determine the number of Roman citizens, as noted in the Res Gestae Divi Augustus.

http://classics.mit.edu/Augustus/deeds.html

Quote:8. When I was consul the fifth time (29 B.C.E.), I increased the number of patricians by order of the people and senate. I read the roll of the senate three times, and in my sixth consulate (28 B.C.E.) I made a census of the people with Marcus Agrippa as my colleague. I conducted a lustrum, after a forty-one year gap, in which lustrum were counted 4,063,000 heads of Roman citizens. Then again, with consular imperium I conducted a lustrum alone when Gaius Censorinus and Gaius Asinius were consuls (8 B.C.E.), in which lustrum were counted 4,233,000 heads of Roman citizens. And the third time, with consular imperium, I conducted a lustrum with my son Tiberius Caesar as colleague, when Sextus Pompeius and Sextus Appuleius were consuls (14 A.C.E.), in which lustrum were counted 4,937,000 of the heads of Roman citizens. By new laws passed with my sponsorship, I restored many traditions of the ancestors, which were falling into disuse in our age, and myself I handed on precedents of many things to be imitated in later generations.


Reply
#7
RE: Merry Xmas, Assholes
Doesn't say he made them go home first does it.

Am I showing my civil service mindset here?



You can fix ignorance, you can't fix stupid.

Tinkety Tonk and down with the Nazis.




 








Reply
#8
RE: Merry Xmas, Assholes
Is it still atheism if I worship Santa as my lord and savior? (I AM CHAMPION CHRISTMAS!)
Eh... fuck that. I'll just spend my time trying to fight the biggest,
best
damn
tree
I've ever seen!

ENJOY!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmVahy7e4KE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7R6cgwMQXo
What the hell is a krempas?
If today you can take a thing like evolution and make it a crime to teach in the public schools, tomorrow you can make it a crime to teach it in the private schools and next year you can make it a crime to teach it to the hustings or in the church. At the next session you may ban books and the newspapers...
Ignorance and fanaticism are ever busy and need feeding. Always feeding and gloating for more. Today it is the public school teachers; tomorrow the private. The next day the preachers and the lecturers, the magazines, the books, the newspapers. After a while, Your Honor, it is the setting of man against man and creed against creed until with flying banners and beating drums we are marching backward to the glorious ages of the sixteenth centry when bigots lighted fagots to burn the men who dared to bring any intelligence and enlightenment and culture to the human mind. ~Clarence Darrow, at the Scopes Monkey Trial, 1925

Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. ~Ronald Reagan
Reply
#9
RE: Merry Xmas, Assholes
As far as why there had to be a journey. There were preexisting narratives that had to be fulfilled or otherwise worked into the new narrative. Cue the contortions.
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
Reply
#10
RE: Merry Xmas, Assholes
[Image: strip20031219.jpg]

Im
Have a nice merry x-mas, folks!
Reply



Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Won't this upset the assholes? Minimalist 9 1459 July 22, 2018 at 1:17 pm
Last Post: Minimalist
  Two More Xhristard Assholes Killed Their Kid Minimalist 17 5093 June 25, 2017 at 9:36 pm
Last Post: Astonished
  CHRISTIANS, you only have 3 days left to get rid of your XMAS TREE! 21stCenturyIconoclast 22 4753 December 24, 2016 at 2:11 pm
Last Post: 21stCenturyIconoclast
  Hey, Look! They Have Assholes In England, Too! Minimalist 8 2777 February 3, 2016 at 10:39 pm
Last Post: Thumpalumpacus
  Merry Christmas One and all! TrueChristian 21 4693 December 27, 2015 at 12:50 pm
Last Post: Minimalist
  What is xmas? IATIA 10 2385 December 27, 2015 at 7:33 am
Last Post: robvalue
  christians this is why you guys fucking assholes... dyresand 17 5253 July 21, 2015 at 1:40 pm
Last Post: dyresand
  Creatard Assholes At It Again Minimalist 20 5062 October 7, 2014 at 4:29 pm
Last Post: The Valkyrie
  The Assholes Are At It Again Minimalist 4 1489 September 8, 2013 at 9:58 am
Last Post: Walking Void
  Merry Fucking Xmas, Jesus Freaks Minimalist 4 2858 December 21, 2012 at 4:09 pm
Last Post: Brian37



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)