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RE: Girlfriend's mom wont accept my atheism - what should we do?
January 29, 2012 at 6:43 pm
(This post was last modified: January 29, 2012 at 6:55 pm by Oldandeasilyconfused.)
Quote: The latest twist is that Helen is getting married to her new boyfriend, who is very religious, and she expects my gf to be a bridesmaid/organize the bachelorette party, flowers, etc whilst at the same time saying that I can't come because she doesn't support my beliefs.
IF you can live with that cruel and pig ignorant attitude,fine,but ii will almost certainly not improve.
In a long term relationship,one's partner comes first. If your girlfriend is incapable of putting you ,your feelings and your needs before those of her mother,the relationship is fucked.
In my opinion,for your relationship to work long term,you MUST be the most important person in her life and she in yours.
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RE: Girlfriend's mom wont accept my atheism - what should we do?
January 29, 2012 at 7:05 pm
Thanks for the replies everyone. So I should clear up a couple of things.
The first is that my girlfriend has no problem with my beliefs. As I said, she was quite liberal when I met her and has got more so during our time together. She is also openly critical of many aspects of Christianity, and of intolerance in general. I have absolutely no intention of splitting up with her over this, as we respect each other's views and honestly, she is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I have absolutely no doubt that she will support me and her first reaction was that she needed to state clearly to her mom that her position is unacceptable and that she will have to respect my girlfriend's decision to be with me. As I implied in my first post, my girlfriend also has a lot that she needs to share with her mom about how her own views have changed, that we are now living together, etc. We both agree that she should have both of these conversations before the wedding, and she is also certain she is not going to be a bridesmaid (due to the issues they have been having as well as her not accepting me). She has challenged her mom in the past about evolution, morality, politics, etc but has generally steered clear of actually admitting that she doesn't believe in God as much any more. So whilst there are things she has avoided, this has been part of a long progression for her over the last 10 years, and they have communicated so little at points that religion was nowhere near the highest priority thing to talk about.
Obviously we will have to see how those conversations go, but at this stage I think her expectation is to state clearly that it is not acceptable that I cant go, to turn down the offer of being a bridesmaid, and to go to the wedding. To be honest I couldn't afford the travel/accommodation for the wedding anyway so even if she said "I'm not going unless he can" it would be a bit of an empty threat.
Any further thoughts?
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RE: Girlfriend's mom wont accept my atheism - what should we do?
January 30, 2012 at 1:14 am
Just keep your dignity. Why would you want to go to that wedding anyway?
"Sisters, you know only the north; I have traveled in the south lands. There are churches there, believe me, that cut their children too, as the people of Bolvangar did--not in the same way, but just as horribly. They cut their sexual organs, yes, both boys and girls; they cut them with knives so that they shan't feel. That is what the Church does, and every church is the same: control, destroy, obliterate every good feeling. So if a war comes, and the Church is on one side of it, we must be on the other, no matter what strange allies we find ourselves bound to."
-Ruta Skadi, The Subtle Knife
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RE: Girlfriend's mom wont accept my atheism - what should we do?
January 30, 2012 at 12:40 pm
Oh. This thread isn't about what I thought it would be about.
I would have said, in my experience, never do the girlfriend's mom if you still like the girlfriend. That almost never works out well.
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RE: Girlfriend's mom wont accept my atheism - what should we do?
January 30, 2012 at 2:27 pm
The problem is your GF's, not yours. Her mother is attempting to control her - you are just collateral damage.
If your GF cannot stand up to her mother on this she can expect the problem to recur on a more or less continual basis. If your GF wants to live her own life then she needs to tell her mother to fuck off.
Probably in more polite terms at first but the old bag sounds like such an ignorant control freak that at some point a clean break will be necessary.
Good luck.
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RE: Girlfriend's mom wont accept my atheism - what should we do?
January 30, 2012 at 8:37 pm
(January 29, 2012 at 2:09 pm)aleialoura Wrote: Kill her with kindness.
Or just kill her.
You are currently experiencing a lucky and very brief window of awareness, sandwiched in between two periods of timeless and utter nothingness. So why not make the most of it, and stop wasting your life away trying to convince other people that there is something else? The reality is obvious.
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RE: Girlfriend's mom wont accept my atheism - what should we do?
January 31, 2012 at 6:42 pm
Sounds to me like the mother really didn't have any problem with the OP until the gf's brother got into the scene. I'm wondering if the personality conflict made him talk to his mother and turn her against him.
As far as advice, I really don't have any other than your gf needs to stand up to her mother. I wouldn't worry too much, though, since usually whenever parents make it known to their daughter that they don't like her boyfriend, the more she'll want to stick with him.
Christian apologetics is the art of rolling a dog turd in sugar and selling it as a donut.
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RE: Girlfriend's mom wont accept my atheism - what should we do?
February 1, 2012 at 3:29 pm
Don't date jellyfish.
It's not like atheism is a big deal, like say... "hey mom, I raped the dog two weeks ago".
Please give me a home where cloud buffalo roam
Where the dear and the strangers can play
Where sometimes is heard a discouraging word
But the skies are not stormy all day
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RE: Girlfriend's mom wont accept my atheism - what should we do?
February 1, 2012 at 3:40 pm
Shit in her pillow case.
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