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how do you forgive yourself?
#31
RE: how do you forgive yourself?
(June 10, 2012 at 8:14 pm)spelbynder Wrote: Not sure if this is the right forum for this question, but I can't see another place for it.
I don't believe I need to be forgiven by any kind of god--sometimes I wish it was that easy. I treated an innocent person very badly many years ago, and now they are dead (maybe because of me). I would never treat anyone that way now, and I can't fathom how I could ever have been so cruel. I can't forgive myself, because there's nothing I can do to make it up to them--no way to go back and treat them as they deserved to be treated. Even though I am very conscientious about how I treat people now, I can't get past this. Am I just stuck with the guilt? I don't believe in a fiery pit, but I am in hell over this situation--tormented with regret for my behavior. Is that just too bad for me, or is there a way I can forgive myself? Thanks.

Thinking about the situation logically and assuming atheism, there is nothing that you can ever do to make this go away. Even if you were to do a million good deeds, how does that make a bad deed disappear? The bad deed, the action, and the consequences are irreversible just as the past is gone and cannot be changed.

I think two important questions must be asked,

1. Did you know what you were doing was wrong?
2. Did you do it anyway?

I am quite sure you will answer yes to both, in which case, you are guilty of this wrongdoing.

Given the situation, it is evident that you cannot change the circumstances. In all honesty I hope you can reconsider the supernatural, for if He exists, God is able to give you a clean heart because he is the ultimate judge on who or not will be guilty… and he is also able to right what you have wronged. Perhaps you could share the reasons you are an atheist and you will see a miracle by discovering that they are insufficient.
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#32
RE: how do you forgive yourself?
[quote='Godschild' pid='309676' dateline='1342228094']
As a man of God and all, you're not ignoring me are you?
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#33
RE: how do you forgive yourself?
(July 14, 2012 at 1:38 am)Jeffonthenet Wrote:
(June 10, 2012 at 8:14 pm)spelbynder Wrote: Not sure if this is the right forum for this question, but I can't see another place for it.
I don't believe I need to be forgiven by any kind of god--sometimes I wish it was that easy. I treated an innocent person very badly many years ago, and now they are dead (maybe because of me). I would never treat anyone that way now, and I can't fathom how I could ever have been so cruel. I can't forgive myself, because there's nothing I can do to make it up to them--no way to go back and treat them as they deserved to be treated. Even though I am very conscientious about how I treat people now, I can't get past this. Am I just stuck with the guilt? I don't believe in a fiery pit, but I am in hell over this situation--tormented with regret for my behavior. Is that just too bad for me, or is there a way I can forgive myself? Thanks.

Thinking about the situation logically and assuming atheism, there is nothing that you can ever do to make this go away. Even if you were to do a million good deeds, how does that make a bad deed disappear? The bad deed, the action, and the consequences are irreversible just as the past is gone and cannot be changed.

I think two important questions must be asked,

1. Did you know what you were doing was wrong?
2. Did you do it anyway?

I am quite sure you will answer yes to both, in which case, you are guilty of this wrongdoing.

Given the situation, it is evident that you cannot change the circumstances. In all honesty I hope you can reconsider the supernatural, for if He exists, God is able to give you a clean heart because he is the ultimate judge on who or not will be guilty… and he is also able to right what you have wronged. Perhaps you could share the reasons you are an atheist and you will see a miracle by discovering that they are insufficient.

Ah, I knew you were on here looking for converts. Trying to guilt the guy into coming over to your side? That's despicable.

No, spelbynder, it's not going to just go away. The point is to learn from your mistakes and change as a person so that you will not repeat them. That is the right thing to do, and hopefully can give you peace. Wishing your wrongdoings away by asking the supernatural for forgiveness (which many believe they just receive by default) achieves nothing, it's the religious man's way of sweeping it all under the rug. You can heal without that.
You really believe in a man who has helped to save the world twice, with the power to change his physical appearance? An alien who travels though time and space--in a police box?!? [Image: TARDIS.gif]
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#34
RE: how do you forgive yourself?
Quote:I found it in my life and now do not have to look back.

Me too. Is it wrong to tell a person, if there is only one medical procedure that can cure them, that they ought to use it? I would be uncaring if I didn't do everything I could to convince them that this was the only thing that could cure them.[/quote]
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#35
RE: how do you forgive yourself?
(July 14, 2012 at 1:38 am)Jeffonthenet Wrote: Given the situation, it is evident that you cannot change the circumstances. In all honesty I hope you can reconsider the supernatural, for if He exists, God is able to give you a clean heart because he is the ultimate judge on who or not will be guilty… and he is also able to right what you have wronged. Perhaps you could share the reasons you are an atheist and you will see a miracle by discovering that they are insufficient.

Anyone reaffirming you has a positive effect. We're animals that react to groupthink.

"I killed Sasha God, what should I do?"
"If you feel sorry, I will forgive you (everything is OK)."
"Yay!"

"I killed Sasha Kin JungIll, what should I do?"
"Do three cartwheels and lick a stop sign, everything will be OK."
"Yay!"

"I killed Sasha (Tora) God, what should I do?"
"If they were being an a-hole to you and you properly put a pretty looking lamb carcass on the temple altar (BUT NO BLOOD!), I will forgive you (everything is OK)."
"Yay!"
"Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate by the masses, not some farcical aquatic ceremony!"
- Dennis the peasant.
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#36
RE: how do you forgive yourself?
Quote:"If they were being an a-hole to you and you properly put a pretty looking lamb carcass on the temple altar (BUT NO BLOOD!), I will forgive you (everything is OK)."
"Yay!"

Do you ever wonder if it is more complicated than this?

I wouldn't exactly agree with Anselm's answer (one of the fathers of scholasticism around 1000 AD), but I think it shows that Christianity is not this stupid thing which cannot handle intellectual discussion.


What it is to sin, and to make satisfaction for sin.


Anselm. We must needs inquire, therefore, in what manner God puts away men’s sins; and, in order to do this more plainly, let us first consider what it is to sin, and what it is to make satisfaction for sin.

Boso. It is yours to explain and mine to listen.

Anselm. If man or angel always rendered to God his due, he would never sin.

p. 199
Boso. I cannot deny that.

Anselm. Therefore to sin is nothing else than not to render to God his due.

Boso. What is the debt which we owe to God?

Anselm. Every wish of a rational creature should be subject to the will of God.

Boso. Nothing is more true.

Anselm. This is the debt which man and angel owe to God, and no one who pays this debt commits sin; but every one who does not pay it sins. This is justice, or uprightness of will, which makes a being just or upright in heart, that is, in will; and this is the sole and complete debt of honor which we owe to God, and which God requires of us. For it is such a will only, when it can be exercised, that does works pleasing to God; and when this will cannot be exercised, it is pleasing of itself alone, since without it no work is acceptable. He who does not render this honor which is due to God, robs God of his own and dishonors him; and this is sin. Moreover, so long as he does not restore what he has taken away, he remains in fault; and it will not suffice merely to restore what has been taken away, but, considering the contempt offered, he ought to restore more than he took away. For as one who imperils another’s safety does not enough by merely restoring his safety, without making some compensation for the anguish incurred; so he who violates another’s honor does not enough by merely rendering honor again, but must, according to the extent of the injury done, make restoration in some way satisfactory to the person whom he has dishonored. We must also observe that when any one pays what he has unjustly taken away, he ought to give something which could not have been p. 200 demanded of him, had he not stolen what belonged to another. So then, every one who sins ought to pay back the honor of which he has robbed God; and this is the satisfaction which every sinner owes to God.

Boso. Since we have determined to follow reason in all these things, I am unable to bring any objection against them, although you somewhat startle me.



CHAPTER XII.


Whether it were proper for God to put away sins by compassion alone, without any payment of debt.


Anselm. Let us return and consider whether it were proper for God to put away sins by compassion alone, without any payment of the honor taken from him.

Boso. I do not see why it is not proper.

Anselm. To remit sin in this manner is nothing else than not to punish; and since it is not right to cancel sin without compensation or punishment; if it be not punished, then is it passed by undischarged.

Boso. What you say is reasonable.

Anselm. It is not fitting for God to pass over anything in his kingdom undischarged.

Boso. If I wish to oppose this, I fear to sin.

Anselm. It is, therefore, not proper for God thus to pass over sin unpunished.

Boso. Thus it follows.

Anselm. There is also another thing which follows if sin be passed by unpunished, viz., that with God there will be no difference between the guilty and the not guilty; and this is unbecoming to God.

Boso. I cannot deny it.

p. 201
Anselm. Observe this also. Every one knows that justice to man is regulated by law, so that, according to the requirements of law, the measure of award is bestowed by God.

Boso. This is our belief.

Anselm. But if sin is neither paid for nor punished, it is subject to no law.

Boso. I cannot conceive it to be otherwise.

Anselm. Injustice, therefore, if it is cancelled by compassion alone, is more free than justice, which seems very inconsistent. And to these is also added a further incongruity, viz., that it makes injustice like God. For as God is subject to no law, so neither is injustice.

Boso. I cannot withstand your reasoning. But when God commands us in every case to forgive those who trespass against us, it seems inconsistent to enjoin a thing upon us which it is not proper for him to do himself.

Anselm. There is no inconsistency in God’s commanding us not to take upon ourselves what belongs to Him alone. For to execute vengeance belongs to none but Him who is Lord of all; for when the powers of the world rightly accomplish this end, God himself does it who appointed them for the purpose.

Boso. You have obviated the difficulty which I thought to exist; but there is another to which I would like to have your answer. For since God is so free as to be subject to no law, and to the judgment of no one, and is so merciful as that nothing more merciful can be conceived; and nothing is right or fit save as he wills; it seems a strange thing for us to say that he is wholly unwilling or unable to put away an injury done to himself, when we are wont to apply p. 202 to him for indulgence with regard to those offences which we commit against others.

Anselm. What you say of God’s liberty and choice and compassion is true; but we ought so to interpret these things as that they may not seem to interfere with His dignity. For there is no liberty except as regards what is best or fitting; nor should that be called mercy which does anything improper for the Divine character. Moreover, when it is said that what God wishes is just, and that what He does not wish is unjust, we must not understand that if God wished anything improper it would be just, simply because he wished it. For if God wishes to lie, we must not conclude that it is right to lie, but rather that he is not God. For no will can ever wish to lie, unless truth in it is impaired, nay, unless the will itself be impaired by forsaking truth. When, then, it is said: “If God wishes to lie,” the meaning is simply this: “If the nature of God is such as that he wishes to lie;” and, therefore, it does not follow that falsehood is right, except it be understood in the same manner as when we speak of two impossible things: “If this be true, then that follows; because neither this nor that is true;” as if a man should say: “Supposing water to be dry, and fire to be moist;” for neither is the case. Therefore, with regard to these things, to speak the whole truth: If God desires a thing, it is right that he should desire that which involves no unfitness. For if God chooses that it should rain, it is right that it should rain; and if he desires that any man should die, then is it right that he should die. Wherefore, if it be not fitting for God to do anything unjustly, or out of course, it does not belong to his liberty or compassion or will to let the sinner go unpunishedp. 203 who makes no return to God of what the sinner has defrauded him.

Boso. You remove from me every possible objection which I had thought of bringing against you.

Anselm. Yet observe why it is not fitting for God to do this.

Boso. I listen readily to whatever you say.



CHAPTER XIII.


How nothing less was to be endured, in the order of things, than that the creature should take away the honor due the Creator and not restore what he takes away.


Anselm. In the order of things, there is nothing less to be endured than that the creature should take away the honor due the Creator, and not restore what he has taken away.

Boso. Nothing is more plain than this.

Anselm. But there is no greater injustice suffered than that by which so great an evil must be endured.

Boso. This, also, is plain.

Anselm. I think, therefore, that you will not say that God ought to endure a thing than which no greater injustice is suffered, viz., that the creature should not restore to God what he has taken away.

Boso. No; I think it should be wholly denied.

Anselm. Again, if there is nothing greater or better than God, there is nothing more just than supreme justice, which maintains God’s honor in the arrangement of things, and which is nothing else but God himself.

Boso. There is nothing clearer than this.

Anselm. Therefore God maintains nothing with more justice than the honor of his own dignity.

p. 204
Boso. I must agree with you.

Anselm. Does it seem to you that he wholly preserves it, if he allows himself to be so defrauded of it as that he should neither receive satisfaction nor punish the one defrauding him.

Boso. I dare not say so.

Anselni. Therefore the honor taken away must be repaid, or punishment must follow; otherwise, either God will not be just to himself, or he will be weak in respect to both parties; and this it is impious even to think of.

Boso. I think that nothing more reasonable can be said.
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#37
RE: how do you forgive yourself?
(July 14, 2012 at 1:38 am)Jeffonthenet Wrote: In all honesty I hope you can reconsider the supernatural, for if He exists, God is able to give you a clean heart because he is the ultimate judge on who or not will be guilty… and he is also able to right what you have wronged.


Do you ever wonder if it is more complicated than this?
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#38
RE: how do you forgive yourself?
(July 14, 2012 at 11:00 am)whateverist Wrote:
(July 14, 2012 at 1:38 am)Jeffonthenet Wrote: In all honesty I hope you can reconsider the supernatural, for if He exists, God is able to give you a clean heart because he is the ultimate judge on who or not will be guilty… and he is also able to right what you have wronged.


Do you ever wonder if it is more complicated than this?

Yes. I question my beliefs every day.
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#39
RE: how do you forgive yourself?
(July 13, 2012 at 9:30 pm)RaphielDrake Wrote:
(July 13, 2012 at 9:08 pm)Godschild Wrote: You would rather protect your precious unbelief than for this person to find peace, now that's what I see as one who cares little for others.

We'd rather that person think for themselves than end up like a mindless automaton like you.

You would want him to live in a world of hurt than to find peace through Christianity, you're the one dictating a hell.
God loves those who believe and those who do not and the same goes for me, you have no choice in this matter. That puts the matter of total free will to rest.
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#40
RE: how do you forgive yourself?
(July 16, 2012 at 1:18 pm)Godschild Wrote:
(July 13, 2012 at 9:30 pm)RaphielDrake Wrote: We'd rather that person think for themselves than end up like a mindless automaton like you.

You would want him to live in a world of hurt than to find peace through Christianity, you're the one dictating a hell.

The theistic off of justice after death is just a plea to inborn human attributes. We all long for justice, it's the way we are.
But that doesn't justify making up a punishment/reward system to account for wrongdoings this world, the real world, the observable world.
It is much, much better to look at your mistakes and justify them to the best of your ability in the here and now, because you never know whether or not you will get another chance to do so. Leaning on a supernatural figure to administer judgement is tantamount to a "get out of jail free" card, in that you can simply ask for forgiveness and live on knowing God will do the judging for you.
It's bullshit.

(July 14, 2012 at 11:25 am)Jeffonthenet Wrote:
(July 14, 2012 at 11:00 am)whateverist Wrote: Do you ever wonder if it is more complicated than this?

Yes. I question my beliefs every day.

I'm assuming you find yourself lost in the same mind-numbing evasion game you display on these forums, then?
Never answer yourself?
Make a valid point to yourself, only to ignore it?
Sound familiar?
My conclusion is that there is no reason to believe any of the dogmas of traditional theology and, further, that there is no reason to wish that they were true.
Man, in so far as he is not subject to natural forces, is free to work out his own destiny. The responsibility is his, and so is the opportunity.
-Bertrand Russell
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