Oh dear god. . .

[Violet]

That's easy to say. People actually like you. Can you imagine how you'd feel if, after about twenty years of being yourself, there was not a single person in the world who cared about you? If every single person who you'd tried to get close to had ended up thinking of you as some sort of pathetic freak?

Can you imagine giving up on everything, having nobody, and then suddenly moving somewhere that you're completely free to do anything?

There're reasons I don't settle for being less than me. If people don't like me: so fucking what? I'm totally okay keeping the company of awesome people, I don't need some hooker scared off by a manifestation of awesomeness

I was a pathetic freak through middle/high school and what little college I went to. Now I'm a fucking awesome freak. So you're a freak: embrace it.

For the record, I've been myself during my entire life. I've been myself on this forum. I just have a "self" which people don't like.

I've been lots of different people during my life. People don't like you: hang with cooler people.

I think it's impossible to not internalize that kind of thing. It would be ridiculous if I blamed the entire world for my problems, so I must be doing something to cause them. I just don't know what, because it's not something obvious, like me being a serial rapist hooker.

Now you're victim blaming (yourself). And you know what: you probably contribute to it... but other people sucking isn't on you.

AND HEY, there ain't nothing wrong with being a hooker, y'hear!?

I "converted" my account today in an effort to piss people off enough that they'd stop worrying about how I felt and start insulting me with ad hominem attacks. I did this because I can't think of any other way to figure out what's wrong with me. Every single forum I ask on just says "Be yourself." I have no friends to ask. My family doesn't want anything to do with me. My (former) psychiatrist had no idea.

Shrinks are usually clueless. I'll insult you readily, and always will... didn't even notice the 'conversion', figured you just liked changing your username after I had a short bout of confusion.

There's a reason the only (good) answer you get is to 'be yourself': it's a damn good answer. No, it might not land you the girl every time... no, it might not land you the job every time... yes, you may infact be an annoying little prick that nobody likes: so fucking what? You spend long enough trying to be someone you're not, and you'll be miserable.

You might also be rich, so it has perks

And I'm quite sure at this point that people are going to be more irritated by this comment than sympathetic, because I spent all day pissing people off and whining.

* Violet didn't notice a change in your behavior.

I find this comment amusing, should I be irritated or sympathetic? That sounds like a lot of work.

And now I have to end this comment, because my tears are messing up the scroll-pad on my laptop. I'm not kidding.

I cried last night, it was good.

*hugs*

---

common........... life's not so bad. Really.

No... it really does suck.

But death is inevitable and boring, not much reason to rush it.

[WitchSabrina]

Ok - I'm a Mom - and a grandmama - so I'll help tackle this from a mom's pov if you like? You don't know me. I don't know you so we can start fresh/from scratch. I have no forum history with you here.

What seems to be the problem? If you had to describe You as others have done so - what did they say? What's up? Do you not like yourself very much? Sometimes that really is the issue. 'Cause when people don't like themselves they cannot see others liking them either. Happens all the time. Maybe you focus on not being liked too much instead of just going ahead and jumping in conversations with other people?

And sometimes people just straight up think too much hon. Not uncommon either. Like I said - I don't know you - but maybe just cut yourself a break. Lighten up a notch. Roll with the punches. Find things about yourself that you DO like. A little positive affirmation goes a long way.... a bit of confidence. Learn to make jokes and take a joke. Humor can make life SO much easier at times.

If you're an attention whore and will DO anything for attention- like whine/moan/ complain and take things personal all the time --- you realize that wont help anything right? I'm sure you've seen people pull stuff like that on internet forums before. *shrug* Life doesn't have to be so bad - it really doesn't. Be kind and accept kindness, joke a bit and relax a Lot. Give it all a little time. And remember - not everyone fits in everywhere. This may not be your niche (?)

common........... life's not so bad. Really.

*smile*
It'll be ok.

Thank you for the offer. It's very kind of you--much kinder than I deserve. However, I don't think that anything's going to fix what fifteen years of professional treatment and medication (starting at about age 5) haven't. I think I'm just going to have to get used to being alone.

That's a defeatist attitude. You should want more.
I wish you luck.
And kindness is free.

Start by being kinder to yourself. Who says you don't deserve better?
Let's just go with......I'm older so you should listen to me(?) Can we just do it that way? lol
common....... you can do better. Everyone can.

---

And yes........ sometimes Life totally sucks. But......sometimes it is absolute delight. Somewhere in the middle is pretty good way to go.
That's my advice. And whatever you don't like - change it however you can. Do what it takes. Chin up and get it done. Don't be old like me, look back with one single 'oh damn'. Nope...... you guys are young. Make life what you wish it to be.

oxoxox

I wish you guys much luck and success!!

[Angrboda]

And I'm quite sure at this point that people are going to be more irritated by this comment than sympathetic, because I spent all day pissing people off and whining.

I'm not irritated at all. It makes me sad. You seem like a wonderful person, and you've got all this crap going on inside you, and I don't understand why, and I just want it to stop hurting you.

That's easy to say. People actually like you. Can you imagine how you'd feel if, after about twenty years of being yourself, there was not a single person in the world who cared about you? If every single person who you'd tried to get close to had ended up thinking of you as some sort of pathetic freak?

Well, I've only known you a few days, but I liked you from the very first post of yours that I read. I still do. And it makes me sad that you're going away, but I trust it's for the best.

I don't have much to offer in the way of advice. I'm a loner by nature, so the fact that I don't have any friends right now doesn't bother me. (I tend to have one friend with whom I'm extremely close at any one time. My last friend abused me and trashed my religious beliefs in the name of her god, so I had to hang up that phone. I guess I'm between friends at the moment.) I guess I have a hard time believing this whole thing — not that I doubt your word — but whatever you had been doing was working just fine for me.