Yard Work

[Erinome]

Hello! I know it's been a long time since I have posted on this forum, but I found myself thinking today that some of the people on this forum are the people to ask advice about my little problem.

I just moved into a new house a couple of weeks ago, and although it's right in the urban/industrial core of the city, I am really happy it has a back yard for my kids, however, the back yard is a MESS. You can hardly even walk in it because there are twigs and sticks EVERYWHERE. The grass is patchy, and where there is grass, it's thick and thatch-like, and generally horrid. I got out there today with a rake to try to get some of the debris cleared out, so I can mow the grass, and.... holy fuck. It's like in the 25 years this house has stood here, no one has ever done anything to the grounds. There are plenty of sticks on the surface, but under the grass there are more sticks!! Crusty, rotten, sticks mangled and tangled in grass and leaves, and it's just horrid.

I don't want to do anything fancy, like plant flowers or make a garden. I just want it to be a nice grassy spot for my kids to run about and play. Tell me the truth! Am I going to have to get heavy machinery and just dig it all up and start again, or is there something I can do myself. How can I fix it relatively cheaply? It doesn't have to be an easy fix, if fact, I am certain it's not. Thanks in advance for any advice.

[Something completely different]

First advise I have to give is: dont let your kids play there under the current circumstances since they are likely to get hurt.

Second: You should get several shovels a riddle and friends to work your garden over.

[Autumnlicious]

Sure thing.

First, I'd do some raking and try to get the loosest sticks off.

Then, for the sake of knowing, I'd dig several holes all over the yard to see how deep the sticks extend. If they're mostly greater than a few inches, I'd give up on getting rid of sticks.

If you got rid of the sticks or not, I'd begin laying out some topsoil and then invest in some sod grass rolls.

I'd also invest in planning out a watering system prior to putting in the sod but after placing topsoil down.

Of course, this would be if I didn't ask our resident awesome horticulturists.

Rhythm, Summer and Whateverist would be my "go-to" for advice on planning a sensible backyard.

Good luck.

[Minimalist]

Have a friend call the F.B.I. from a pay phone and tell them that there is a body buried in your back yard. When they arrive tell them you just bought the house and the back yard is a mess but they are free to dig wherever they like. Offer to sign a consent form so they don't have to get a warrant. They'll like that.

When they are done, go rake it out.


Nice to see you again, dear.

[Jackalope]

Best advice ever.

[Whateverist]

My inclination is to go the route Moros described though I have absolutely no experience with a situation just like that and no training. I hope Summer will weigh in. She's in a program and may know just what to do.

Is the yard producing much growth through the sticks? If they're pretty rotten, I like the idea of letting them rot under some new top soil and then new sod.

Another possibility, depending on the age of the kiddos would be to make a path around the yard by scraping off the sticks and anything green, laying down landscape fabric and then laying down an inch or two of pulverized granite. Tamp that down and wet it. It'll become like sandstone and be good for running and riding trikes on. In the center you could bring in sand and a play structure. On the outside you could put in whatever you like to look at to give you a sense of enclosure and nature. It kind of depends on how big the yard is, what you like and what you want to spend.

[Erinome]

Have a friend call the F.B.I. from a pay phone and tell them that there is a body buried in your back yard. When they arrive tell them you just bought the house and the back yard is a mess but they are free to dig wherever they like. Offer to sign a consent form so they don't have to get a warrant. They'll like that.

When they are done, go rake it out.


Nice to see you again, dear.

I laughed my ass off when I first read this, but then I participated in mind altering activities, and actually pondered this as seriously as I could. I thought about my location and decided that there is a possibility that there might be a body in the yard, and I don't want to know about it. It would make for an uncomfortable mixture of interesting, creepy and sad. Not to mention it might become an intrusion, unworthy of it's ends.

I do live directly across the street from a construction company, and my house faces the lot where they keep their backhoes. I have considered "borrowing" one, but I would probably just fuck something up. Those schemes don't even work on television.

Whateverist, I like the idea of the pulverized granite paths and the play area in the center. I just got them a trampoline, so I have to go out tomorrow and dig the shitty lawn level. Thanks for the advice everyone!

[popeyespappy]

How big is the yard?

[Erinome]

How big is the yard?

It's just over an acre, and just as wide as it is long. It's got a lot of potential. I got most of the twigs raked up today, so I am making progress.

[Jackalope]

How big is the yard?

It's just over an acre, and just as wide as it is long. It's got a lot of potential. I got most of the twigs raked up today, so I am making progress.

As someone who owns rural acreage (2.5), let me give a little advice - don't clear and landscape any more than you're willing to maintain on an ongoing basis. It can become an exercise in futility, particularly if you don't have access to some relatively heavy machinery. Mother nature has a way of reclaiming neglected spaces, and can do so very quickly.