The Last Movie You Watched

[Irreligious Atheist]

News of the World with Tom Hanks. 9/10. Really great and emotional story.

Enola Holmes. 8.5/10. The first time I've seen Millie Bobby Brown, one of my favourite actresses, in a film or show where she doesn't have the American accent. I prefer the American accent over her real accent, but the film was good and I liked it.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

"Starcrash" 1979 Roger Corman attempts to out cheap Sir Run Run Shaw. Includes (vice "starring") that dude from the lifeguard show, Marjoe Gortner, the Princess from "Seventh Voyage of Sindad", Christopher Plummer and Robert Tessler. HORRIBLE SFX, bad acting, and zero rational plot. We were laughing all the way through.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Zack Snyder's 'Justice League' (suggested alternate title: 'Zack Knows Best').

The earlier version of this was barely passable - jumpy, hard to follow, made little sense. Putting back the two hours that the studio cut out turned it into an epic, moving piece of work. 9/10 (took off a point for a few minor inconsistencies).

Boru

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Still can't find that one. Suggestions?

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Still can't find that one. Suggestions?

The director's cut just dropped on HBOMax yesterday. Since it's Warner Bros, it's probably exclusive to HBO.

Boru

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Merci beau coup. I'm finally watch B v. S., so that's going into the queue.

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project: Artemis Fowl, a movie I probably wouldn't have covered if not for the fact that I recently got Disney Plus. I have never read the books, and, frankly, I'm told it changes so much that it probably wouldn't matter. I once spent a summer mocking a novel-length Naruto fanfic called "Naruto Veangance Revelaitons" and I managed to rip it a new asshole while not only not watching an episode, but only being familiar with the show from foot fetish porn of a character who didn't even appear in the fic.

• Why does Ireland have such an epic-looking interrogation system?
  
• Why is this scene in black and white? And what's with these bizarre angles?
  
• Why did the opening credits stop during the interrogation scene?
  
• And why is he talking about how magical Ireland is when he's talking to people who are still in Ireland?
  
• Artemis Fowl is the most riduculous child prodigy I've seen since North.
  
• He can tell the chair is older than the William and Mary era because of the furniture tacks? I may not know shit about furniture-making, but isn't it possible they could be a later addition?
  
• Wow, in addition to beating chess champions and designing opera houses, he's apparently invented dirtboarding. What would you bet that Eoin Colfer didn't put shit like that in the books?
  
• Colin Farrell is talking with his son about the legends, but for whatever reason, he's leaving out the part about how all the white midgets in the world are going to face off against all the black midgets in the world.
  
• Boru's Harp was stolen? Damn, he must be furious.
  
• If only Ken Branagh put as much effort in actually making the film like the books as he did in filming that shot of the milk bottle Artemis's carrying for some reason breaking.
  
• And can't Butler just change the channel? Or turn the TV off? Does he really have to drag Artemis out of the room?
  
• So Artemis Fowl Sr was responsible for the Flying Spaghetti Monster abortion on the cover of Chuck Palahniuk's Rant!
  
• So, Artemis has never been in his Dad's secret dungeon, but he knows to open a drawer directly above his father's journal that contains a lamp that allows him to read it?
  
• Josh Gad is a giant dwarf. Apparently the world's largest midget is about 5'6." Also, I'm getting the impression that he's trying to be this franchise's Hagrid. And he's trying his damnedest to hide the fact that he was Olaf, even if it is mostly by making his voice sound like I do when I have a bad cold.
  
• Looking at this movie, apparently his character was actually a dwarf, but they made him a giant dwarf for some reason. Why can't they just make him look shorter? It's been done before in Lord of the Rings. Or hire actual dwarfs like Harry Potter?
  
• And looking further at it, apparently he really fucked up the Butler's name; in the books, he's only called Butler, but  in the film, he'll kick your ass if you call him that.
  
• Also, he and his niece are explicitly Eurasian in the books, and also part of a long line of dedicated servants and bodyguards to the Fowl family. And they cast Black people for this role? A race with a long history of issues of being forced into the servitude of white people? If you're going to make your casts more diverse, maybe try to not put them into roles that play into stereotypes or historical atrocities whose effects still resonate to this day? And, Hell, maybe if they're described as being of an unusual ethnicity, maybe make an effort to include people of that ethnicity? Even when there's at least hundreds of thousands of people who fit said ethnicity?
  
• And why is he entrusting another 12-year-old for backup?
  
• Also, Artemis is supposed to be an unscrupulous 12-year-old (at least in the first few books, which are being adapted), but he's treated as just another kid hero, and apparently, the casting call asked for "a friendly kid with a sunny disposition." And he's not that, even in this movie. 
  
  
  
  And Ken Branagh even compared his arc to Michael Corleone, except, if the information I've read about the books is true, it's the exact opposite.
• What the fuck is happening with Judi Dench? The last film she was in was Cats and now there's this horseshit?
  
• At least we're starting to get some more of the unscrupulous hero that Artemis was in the books. I think, anyway.
  
• Why use "I Wanna Know What Love Is" in this scene? It's already becoming a cliche and now you're using it in a context that makes no sense?
  
• How does Judi Dench look like David Bowie?
  
• Oh, look, Josh Gad is about to get to digging. Dis Gon Be Good:
  
  
  That distended jaw looks ridiculously fake, and, frankly, more than a little terrifying. And why is there some dirt flying out his ass? Did nobody think anybody would make the association between the dirt coming out that area and shit?
• And now the Fowl house looks like it's in a PS1 game for whatever reason.
  
• And if only he actually was a criminal mastermind in this version, Artemis' final line would actually make some sense.
  
• And how effective can these fairy prisons be if they can just escape through the glass ceilings?
  

Well, next week, I'm going back to Amazon Prime with The Mod Squad. After that, most likely a comedy (unless it turns out there's a sufficiently horrible Easter-related movie on Amazon Prime) and maybe this will be the year I finally get to the Atlas Shrugged trilogy.  And in the short term, I think I'm going to watch the rest of Wandavision.

[Brian37]

Just the other day I watched on TCM "Scissors", with Sharon Stone, and the guy who played Bogomil in Beverly Hills Cop. 

That was really cheesy.

[Angrboda]

[Gawdzilla Sama]

"Fire Maidens from Outer Space" https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0046977/

"13th" Moon of Saturn discovered by crewed spaceship that gets there from Earth in a few hours. Completely Earth-like except that the women are good looking.

Terrible, horrible, awful movie.