The Last Movie You Watched

[HappySkeptic]

"Fire Maidens from Outer Space" https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0046977/

"13th" Moon of Saturn discovered by crewed spaceship that gets there from Earth in a few hours. Completely Earth-like except that the women are good looking.

Terrible, horrible, awful movie.

Now I just have to watch it.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

"Fire Maidens from Outer Space" https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0046977/

"13th" Moon of Saturn discovered by crewed spaceship that gets there from Earth in a few hours. Completely Earth-like except that the women are good looking.

Terrible, horrible, awful movie.

Now I just have to watch it.

Be lying down.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

"Fire Maidens from Outer Space" https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0046977/

"13th" Moon of Saturn discovered by crewed spaceship that gets there from Earth in a few hours. Completely Earth-like except that the women are good looking.

Terrible, horrible, awful movie.

The title pretty much gives it away.

Boru

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project: The Mod Squad, a movie based on a TV show I have never seen. Its premise seems promising: three young people have to work as undercover cops to avoid prison. So, how do they fuck this up? Besides it being an R-rated adaptation of an old show that was barely even in reruns at this point?

• Good thing to note: I managed to get it just in the nick of time. It's going to expire at the end of the month.
  
• Pete's considered a lost cause. So, why is he a part of the squad?
  
• And Linc's gone from a kid arrested during the Watts riots to basically a less maniacal version of the Joker. At least according to the intro. You know, maybe remaking it during a time that wasn't full of civil unrest was a bad idea.
  
• So, getting some juvies to infiltrate places that normal cops won't be let into is a solid idea. But why stake everything on these kids? Because they're the protagonists?
  
• Good God, Claire Danes looks so bored.
  
• One of these days, Omar Epps is going to be 30. And given that he's 26 and looks it, that day's going to come sooner rather than later.
  
• Even when Claire Danes is trying to be interesting, she's bored. 
  
• You know, maybe it'd be nice if we were given anything from these club scenes but some poorly-framed and poorly-lit shots of club life that just happen to feature Claire Danes and Omar Epps.
  
• And Pete, who was arrested for stealing a car in the original, fails spectacularly at driving during a car chase. 
  
• And you let the perp go. Why are the cops supposed to like this plan?
  
• And Greer, the mentor cop whose idea this was, and who was a main character in the original series, is brutally murdered. So, why is there more than an hour of this  movie left? Fuck , they're going to try and prove their innocence, aren't they?
  
• Man, that is the most boring-looking slow walk I've ever seen in a film.
  
• So, it looks like Giovanni Ribisi has noticed that sometimes, great actors stammer and slur their way through their performance. Unfortunately, he hasn't figured out why.
  
• You ever see someone slumped in a corner, holding only a bottle  of liquor? Claire Danes is doing this for part of a montage, except with a 40 of Coke. Or maybe Crush. Are there any red or brown-coloured flavours of Crush?
  
• Wait, I'm confused, is his cover blown?
  
• Oh, look, Pete's going to a car wash and this means the soundtrack has to play "Car Wash."
  
• If he's this fucking hopeless with cars, then why did the cops think he'd be anything but a huge fuckup?
  
  
  
• Evidently, Claire Danes has graduated from swilling Coke to swilling proper liquor. And then turning the quarter-full bottle of liquor into a Molotov cocktail and blowing up Giovanni Ribisi's car for whatever reason.
  
• You know what, I'm seriously wondering why the cops decided these jackasses would be the best fit for who killed Captain Greer, the man who was responsible for them not just going to jail. 
  
• In any other movie, this scene of Ribisi and Danes in bed would be a tender scene that helps to show character or further the arcs. In this film, it's  just more padding. There've been long stretches of time where I legitimately don't know what helps to differentiate this from anything else on basic cable around this time (outside of more than a few F-bombs).
  
• S&M doesn't normally involve guns, dude.
  
• And they pull this theory  that the cops were trying to enable drug dealers in their ranks and Greer had to die because of that straight out their asses.
  
• And their plan is to record an incriminating conversation that's just happening while they're just barely hidden behind a wall.
  
• And they couldn't even afford to license Coltrane's version of  "My Favorite Things"?
  
• They're getting too old for this shit? When they're supposed to be teenagers?
  

And next up is going to be a comedy, and here are the options. Unfortunately, I don't have anything Easter-related:

• The 41-Year-Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall And Felt Superbad About It, wherein Craig Moss attempts to do worse than Seltzerberg one more time.
  
• Airplane Mode, wherein a brain-damaged YouTuber and his friends try to remake Airplane for the modern day and fail spectacularly.
  
• F The Prom, wherein the jackasses who tried to copyright the word React try and pander to the kids these days. 
  
• Game Therapy, wherein the film industries of Italy and America collaborate on a video game movie so shitty that the only reason it got a DVD release is because people wanted a famous Italian YouTuber to review it. 
  
• The Hottie and the Nottie, wherein Paris Hilton appoints herself as the arbiter of beauty and who's worthy of love, even though nobody'd give a shit about her if she A) wasn't born into an obscenely rich family, B) didn't make a sex tape in 2003, and C) wore underwear.
  
• InAPPropriate Comedy, wherein the Sham-Wow guy makes a shittier version of Movie 43. Yes, you read, that right.
  

[Angrboda]

Anchors Aweigh.

[Brian37]

Just got done watching "I Want To live" 1958 based on a real conviction of a woman put on death row. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Want_to_Live!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barbara_Graham



Based on the life of Barbra Graham, who was put to death in the gas chamber for the murder of an elderly woman in a failed robbery attempt. There is some doubt that she actually did the crime.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

‘Godzilla vs Kong’. Not bad, I probably would have enjoyed it more if I have watched the rest of the Monsterverse.

And the winner is...

---

...nah, no spoilers. What do you take me for?

---

Boru

[Angrboda]

Kelly's Heroes.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

'Hans Christian Anderson' (1952), a childhood fave I haven't seen for years. It still retains its sweetness, but I noticed something that's always escaped me before.

There's a scene in the early part of the film where the great Danny Kaye as the title character is on his way from his home village to Copenhagen. As invariably happens in musicals, he bursts into song and dance. What's unusual about the scene is the reactions of other people on the road - they're all looking at him like he's escaped from the local loony bin. You never see that in a musical.

Boru

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project is Airplane Mode, a movie that's basically a spoof of Airplane starring a bunch of YouTubers, most notably Logan Paul. The fact that the film's poster has a plane dabbing should tell you all you need to know. Also, it was shot in 2016 and was meant to be released sometime in 2018, but then, Logan Paul uploaded his notorious suicide forest and then followed it up with a bunch of other disturbing videos (which honestly made me question whether or not he was actually criminally insane, although it looks like he's more brain damaged.) This led to the release being halted until 2019, and the producers actually think Logan made those videos specifically to sabotage the film, and not because, well, he's like this:



But the movie's on Prime now and I'm going to watch it.

• So, the opening credits are unusual: they're formatted as pre-flight instructions with some attempts at edgy comedy, and then some credits I'm somehow convinced were done by Gaspar Noe. And somehow, I'm most tempted to make wisecracks about how Qantas never crashed. I have autism so I can make wisecracks about Raymond Babbit.
  
• I don't actually watch Logan Paul's videos, but it looks like his room has some interesting designs: a cabinet that's entirely covered in license plate, and a photo mural of Logan's bird that's larger than he is.
  
• So, is Logan's inability to lock his doors a symptom of his brain damage?
  
• Since when does Logan Paul actually have the judgment to try and delete fucked up videos before they're uploaded?
  
• #acon. It's the biggest social media event since Dashcon.
  
• Well, at least this fall broke his femurs and not his head, otherwise it'd be really horrible.
  
• I did not need to see termites making a porno.
  
• Are we sure that they're going to be in the same part of Australia as his girlfriend? Because, from what I know, it's largely a collection of cities on the coast that can easily be hundreds if not thousands of miles (which mostly consists of an inhospitable outback) apart. 
  
• And it took 10 minutes for them to get to a joke about Australia's insanely malevolent wildlife.
  
• Is the lotion bottle talking?
  
• Oh, look, Hannibal LEcter's on this flight. And by an extraordinary coincidence, when I went to
  
• 911 reasons to not trust that Arab guy?
  
• Huh. I did not expect the airport security jokes to include suitcases being tossed into a woodchipper.
  
• And he's getting:
  
  
  
• Nobody survives plane crashes? I'm just gonna leave this here.
  
• So, Logan can apparently read the thoughts of gay people now.
  
• And the influencers are so stupid they refuse to turn their phones to airplane mode even as the plane starts malfunctioning. You know, with COVID and people still refusing to take steps to mitigate its spread, I think I can buy people being this recklessly selfish.
  
• His name  is Penis?
  
• Fasten your seatbelts=unfasten them and devolve second class into a huge orgy shot by I think Daniels?
  
• Coffee that's black AND full of cream? You know, maybe you can not make your order into a total logic bomb, kid.
  
• How can you love someone you've never actually met? And meanwhile, I've spent over a year living in quarantine with a dakimakura of an obscure 2000s actress who almost certainly doesn't know I exist. 
  
• So, the pilots have been dead for hours and nobody noticed. I looked up what would actually happen in this situation, and one Quora post I found explains it succintly: "I fly for an airline and if both pilots die in flight, it’s game over. The plane will eventually run out of gas and crash. There will be no private pilot wannabe hero in the back coming up to land the plane because he can’t get into the cockpit."
  
• A gay man decides to randomly breastfeed a lost baby. Why the fuck not?
  
• And why the fuck is Logan in the cockpit? You know, maybe you could have used that breastfeeding scene to explain how and why not-Hannibal Lecter decided to put him there?
  
• CPR doesn't work on its own, dude. It just keeps the bodily systems fresh for the paramedics to do the real work.
  
• These air traffic controllers seem really nonchalant about the fact that the pilots are dead and the flight attendants are MIA.
  
• Does this girl not notice that the baby that Nick Swardson has in his arms is hers? 
  
• And they're still doing "Leave Britney Alone" jokes in the mid-to-late-2010s?
  
• You'd think that the video he's watching to learn how to land a plane would edit out the scenes of the kid arguing with his family.