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Current time: June 25, 2022, 1:41 pm

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The Last Movie You Watched
RE: The Last Movie You Watched
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teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
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RE: The Last Movie You Watched
This week in the Deep Hurting Project, Swept Away, a remake of the 1974 Lina Wertmuller film. So, the original is very... problematic, what with the basic plot involving a haughty rich woman getting shipwrecked with a deckhand, who ends up, basically, taming the shrew. But at least there's a good argument that the original has some redeeming underlying political commentary, with her as a proud capitalist and him being a strident communist, one who'd gladly call her out on her bullshit if he didn't need her money. In 2001, Guy Richie and his wife Madonna remade that film and managed to systematically take out any redeeming qualities.
  • Why was that airplane door closing clearly CGI?
  • You can just tell by the opening credits that Guy Richie really wanted to do a Bond film. Too bad this horseshit set his career back for about a decade.
  • You know, the leading man in this version is the son of the original leading man, and somehow he doesn't get how his Dad's main character was supposed to work. At least Dad's version was a man you could easily expect to turn into a caveman when he didn't have to worry about the money. Sonny Boy's doing his damnedest to make him look thoughtful, which would work better if they handled her wearing him down well. Or at all.
  • When did Errol Flynn wear a Hawaiian shirt?
  • So, they're going into a talk about capitalism, and Sonny Boy's main response is to give a disapproving look at Madonna. Maybe talk about her retort about how she doesn't seem to make cakes, like she expects blind people to.
  • And when Sonny Boy seems to reach his breaking point and talks about how he wants to kill Madonna, it's not believable.
  • Okay, so it turns out there's a bit more politics in this version than I was led to believe. It's just Objectivism vs. well, not-Objectivism. 
  • Of course the fish tastes bad. It's fucking fish.
  • Fucking, Puking,... crap, this is like Naruto Veangance Revelaitons all over again, isn't it?
  • Well, this line is probably the best way to distract from the implications that Madonna is propositioning Sonny Boy after spending the last 20 minutes berating him non-stop in what, at this point, seems more like an attempted rape:


  • Is there a reason Guy Ritchie's trying to do a lawyer-friendly version of the Zorba song? And for a movie that's seven times the budget the movie he actually used it in?
  • Well, this Life of Pi section of the movie's gone on way too long. It's just a collection of short scenes of Madonna and Sonny Boy berating each other.
  • Man, is Guy Ritchie taking his time to get to the main plot of the movie. 
  • Why is that one line in Italian subtitled when the rest of it isn't?
  • Did Sonny Boy just MacGyver a crossbow with shit he found on the desert island?
  • Well, now Sonny Boy's transformation into Phil Spector has come completely out of nowhere.
  • Why do I get the feeling Sonny Boy wants Madonna to piss in that coke bottle? 
  • Why did Sonny Boy repeat "By the time I return?"
  • Man, that sneak peak of American Life sucks ass.
  • What's the point of giving Madonna a big musical number if she's just going to lip-sync to Della Reese?
  • You know, I'm starting to think that a movie were the male lead rapes the female lead should never have been  marketed as a RomCom. Even if Madonna's more annoyed at being raped than anything else.
  • I know what you're trying to do, movie, and playing some Arvo Part over a montage of Sonny Boy and Madonna acting sad isn't going to make me feel bad for them.
  • You know, that foot kiss is reminding me that we never got a good look at Madonna's feet in this movie. She's either in sandals or barefoot (or maybe wrapped in cloth for what I think are either sand-related or wound-related) but we get no close-ups.
  • And they want us to feel sorry for these two people being broken up when they've spent most of the movie arguing with each other, a situation that only changed when Sonny Boy raped Madonna. Dude, I watched Cannibal Holocaust last night and I still felt more sorry for the filmmakers when they got butchered, and bear in mind that the filmmakers in that movie were psychopaths, one of whom had to be reminded that maybe smiling on camera at a woman being impaled vag-to-mouth (which is heavily implied to be their doing) isn't a good look for the documentary they were making.
Since the sole drama movie left on Tubi (The Singing Forest is for Pride Month, I've decided I'm going straight into Horror, and this week, it's Destination: Infestation or Ants on a Plane.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.

[Image: harmlesskitchen.png]

I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
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RE: The Last Movie You Watched
Saturday met a few friends at the theatre and saw "Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness." I thoroughly enjoyed the story, and of course, Benedict Cumberbatch fit the role excellently, as he is an excellent actor (I particularly enjoyed his portrayal of Sherlock Holmes). Scarlet Witch appears in the story. It is a good fantasy escapist pleasure, a treat for all Marvel Universe fans.

Youtube Movie Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNWEEv2HsMU
"The price of freedom is eternal vigilance."--Thomas Jefferson
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RE: The Last Movie You Watched
Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. Disappointing movie to say the least but it met my expectation level of disappointment.
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RE: The Last Movie You Watched




Okay, full disclosure, Yours, Mine, and Hours is not the film I saw last. But you will probably figure out which one was if you can answer this question: do you think Lucille Ball threatened to destroy the careers of any of the kids who hit her during the pillow fight at 1:35 once the cameras were off?
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.

[Image: harmlesskitchen.png]

I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
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RE: The Last Movie You Watched
This week in the Deep Hurting Project is the other Snakes on a Plane ripoff on the list, Ants on a Plane.
  • Well, at least I can take solace in the fact that the ant only appear in about 10 minutes' worth of the movie, and that's mostly in stock footage.
  • I don't think the makers of this movie don't like Latin America very much.
  • Lemme guess, that pilot who's planning on retiring to Jason Voorhies' old stomping grounds isn't long for this world.
  • A long shot whose purpose seems to mostly be to set up the movie's characters. This is a B-movie, not The Player.
  • They really wanted to put Bill Murray in this movie for whatever reason, didn't they? Then again, they could only afford to get a Tom Green lookalike.
  • Ants, that doesn't make any sense. For one thing, they look  just like normal ants, and how the fuck did they survive in not-Bill Murray's stomach for so long? Hell, according to the IMDb goofs page, they shouldn't even be able to survive at a cruising altitude.
  • Prozac for a sudden attack of anxiety? That's not how SSRIs work.
  • Carrie Moss? It's about a quarter of the way through the movie and we're already getting three actors that the studio seems to have really wanted to cast, but couldn't afford. 
  • Way to make everything clear, Doc, they're bad enough that they're calling the CDC for whatever reason, and they may be genetically modified to be even deadlier, but that's no reason to be worried.
  • And how can she even know that the ants have been genetically modified to be deadlier?
  • Why was an entomologist who specialises in ants with
  • And what test can the CDC do on the ants in 15 minutes when they don't even have access to the ants?
  • And of course they only took the time to cover up one vent after they banished the ants to the AC system. Of course they did.
  • Depressurising the cabin may or may not be enough to kill the ants. Just being at cruising altitude  should have been enough.
  • Redneck Tom Green is making a lot of sense, honestly. And why can't the mom put an oxygen mask on her baby?
  • Who the fuck is buddy and why is the drunken frat-bro so distraught about bringing him on the flight?
  • 20,000 ants in a month? That honestly doesn't sound very high. Especially given that the flight is supposed to only be for three hours.
  • Five kids by the age of 24? Her prospective fiancee doesn't happen to have the name Duggar, does it?
  • Is the Air Marshall trying to find the queen ant? So, what if the queen is in an area that's not practical for a human to go into?
  • Is that flight attendant implying that he's willing to fuck his passengers? You know, maybe an infestation isn't a good time to advertise your gigolo services.
  • We're losing fuel from the mainline, and it looks like we can't hit it sideways. Just like Sister Ray said? Just like Sister Ray said.
  • So, why is the washroom sign in English and Japanese? Since this plane came from Colombia, why wouldn't they be in Spanish and English?
  • And to think that if Zaharie Ahmed Shah was one of the pilots, this scenario would be an absolute dream for him. No way to land, not allowed to enter any airspace, the sort of disappearance that led to the disappearance of Flight 370 would go without a hitch.
  • You'd think that the fire extinguisher would have run out of whatever's supposed to be in it.
  • Carolyn Ross, not Carrie Lynn Moss! 
  • How does Redneck Tom Green get the idea that they're entitled to a vote about where they land ?
  • And the movie ends with the survivors on board and a cliffhanger that the queen's still alive, because of course she is. Good thing there's no sequel.
And next week, Rollerball 2002.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.

[Image: harmlesskitchen.png]

I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
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RE: The Last Movie You Watched
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Nobody.
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RE: The Last Movie You Watched
This week in the Deep Hurting Project is the 2002 remake of 1975's Rollerball. The original was a cult classic that I, frankly, never got around to watching. I should probably get around to doing so, especially since it's leaving Tubi in 3 days, but whatevs, it's time to take on the remake.
  • Huh. I was expecting an extreme version of roller derby, but I ended up getting a street luge.
  • Good fucking God, if you ever watched Sidehackers and thought that motorcycle racing with a sidecar was stupidly dangerous, try doing a street luge while having to deal with traffic that repeatedly tries to run you over because they can't fucking see you and you weren't given any warning that there might be some idiots lying supine on skateboards going down the road.
  • I can barely understand what's going on over the nu-metal blaring on the soundtrack and this obnoxious editing, but I can only assume that Borat was a more accurate representation of Kazakhstan than this movie.
  • The announcer who seems to have his hand glued to his forehead is just modeling the way you should be watching this movie.
  • The guy turned down a first draft pick in the NHL to play some needlessly stupid extreme sport. Given the street luge in the beginning it
  • Also, this movie apparently takes place in 2005. That's not a joke or anything, they just decided to set it three years in the future, even though the original is a dystopian sci-fi movie where fictional bloodsports would make sense, they settled for setting it in the near future in a former Soviet republic.
  • Don't get too attached to that soda, Jonathan. They have to keep the rest so that they can make that gay singer they sent to the gulags look like he's just living a quiet life in Germany.
  • Why is Zaaphod Beeblebrox' vestigial robot head wearing a joker's hat?
  • Why the fuck did they get Jean Reno to play this? And not only that, but he reprised his role for the French dub, where he's just speaking French in a bad Russian accent instead of speaking English in a bad Russian accent.
  • That's gotta be the laziest way of getting Scarlett Johansson into your movie: just put her in a helmet that keeps her from seeing anything and have someone fake shemp her and just call her Black Widow.
  • Facepalm guy was giving a fairly thorough explanation of the  rules, but I still have no idea what those Global Instant Ratings mean.
  • Why do they have a live band accompanying Rollerball games? Don't get me wrong, at least trying to figure out the guitarists' gear is more interesting than the game.
  • Why are they just randomly switching film stocks for this one scene? 
  • You know, seeing Jean Reno reminds me: the last time we saw him in the Deep Hurting Project, he was playing a character named Mehmet Love. And now I find myself wondering what a better movie with that character name would be like. Probably like La Haine if it was a French-Arabic analogue to blaxsploitation. Or maybe it's the sort of movie where we see Mehmet Love alternate between beating the shit out of a lawyer-friendly substitute to the National Front and getting balls-deep in some random girls.
  • What if what wasn't an accident? They barely gave us much of a context to give a shit about anything.
  • Atlantic City syndrome? Are they going to explain what that actually means?
  • You know, for being directed by the guy who did Die Hard, this movie's really phoning in the plot beats for this movie. Oh, look, this girl automatically knows what he's talking about, let's meet my friend Serge, oh no, that's not Serge, that's the cops.
  • Why did they just randomly cut to some naked Japanese guys dancing to "Wooly Bully"?
  • The black guy's reacting to the idea that they'd probably kill someone by saying they'll never kill him. So, who wants to bet he dies soon?
  • :Everything sucks and I can prove it. Just watch this movie.
  • You know, maybe I named Facepalm guy too early. He sounds like Alex Jones, and barely facepalms, so maybe I'm just calling him Good Alex Jones from now on.
  • Nope, black dude didn't die. He just narrowly escaped death.
  • You want to know what the guy's shit smells like? Eew...
  • Crossing over into Russia? How the fuck is this going to be better? Aren't they going to be even more corrupt than the Kazakhs?
  • So, is that one girl Arlo Parks now?
  • Why are they shooting this scene with a green night vision filter?
  • Yes, Jean Reno, we get it. You own everyone who owns anything.
  • And now he decides he wants to rule the galaxy as father and son with Jean Reno.
  • And put him in the GROUND!!!! You must think I'm a joke! I ain't gonna be a part of your system! I'm an aDULLLLTTTT!!!
  • Jesus Christ, Sequel Trilogy Luke Skywalker has snapped!
  • And is anyone actually going to stop Jonathan before he does his last move?
  • Apparently barstools are impervious to bullets.
  • And why is the British Indian dude in charge now? Did he even appear in this movie before he decided he was Jean Reno's successor and spouted off some random Victorian British stereotypes?
  • Durango 95 reference. Fuck this movie.
And next week, all I know is it's going to be a kid's movie. This is the last movie of the month, which means that I'm going to check and see which movies have been added to and removed from my streaming services on the 1st, and I'm not sure what it will be. Unless, of course, it turns out that there's some really bad and really gay kid's movie (it's Pride Month, remember) coming to a major streaming service, but I honestly can't see anything of the sort. At least Mr. Wrong and The Singing Forest are still on the chopping block for the week after next and the week after that. And maybe before then, I'll find the time to watch the original movie to see how badly they fucked this up.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.

[Image: harmlesskitchen.png]

I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
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RE: The Last Movie You Watched
I'm currently watching "The Lower Depths", a 1930s-era French film.
"When you get the message, hang up the phone" --Alan Watts on enlightenment. Levitate
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RE: The Last Movie You Watched
Watching 'GBGB', a movie about the start of the famed club. Probably wouldn't have caught my eye if it didn't star Alan Rickman.

Might I add that he looks a little strange with a perm.

Not a great movie but there are a some stars with cameos in it. Lots of bands portrayed.
 “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” ~Albert Einstein                                                 
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