The Last Movie You Watched

[Silver]

Cruella (Disney+)

A live-action prequel feature film following a young Cruella de Vil.

[Silver]

The School for Good and Evil (Netflix)

Best friends Sophie and Agatha find themselves on opposing sides of an epic battle when they're swept away into an enchanted school where aspiring heroes and villains are trained to protect the balance between Good and Evil.

[Silver]

Blasted (Netflix)

When a former childhood friend crashes Sebastian's bachelor party and makes it all about himself, only an alien invasion can make them put aside their bad blood and reunite as the kick-ass laser-tag duo they once were.

[arewethereyet]

Blasted  (Netflix)

When a former childhood friend crashes Sebastian's bachelor party and makes it all about himself, only an alien invasion can make them put aside their bad blood and reunite as the kick-ass laser-tag duo they once were.

That's a joke, right?  There really isn't a movie out there with that for a 'plot'?

It sounds like something that should be on @Rev. Rye 's Deep Hurting Project list.

[Rev. Rye]

They'd have to fuck up the execution really bad for it to qualify for the Deep Hurting Project. The synopsis as stated sounds like a bunch of Sci-Fi comedies of varying quality I've watched.

Hell, there was a Saturday morning cartoon based around Laser-tag called Lazer Tag Academy where the bad guy's overarching plan (to kill the inventor of a Lazer Tag gun with the ability to give almost godlike powers to anyone in his bloodline, of which he is a part) would have erased himself from existence. And even that doesn't qualify because A) it's a series, not a movie, and B) it somehow has legit fans.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

The entire John Wick trilogy. Stupid plot, stupid premise, exquisite choreography.

Boru

[Orbit]

Isle of the Dead 1945 w/ Boris Karloff

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project, the last in our "Leaving HBO Max at the end of October"-themed month, Happily N'Ever After 2: Snow White: Another Bite @ The Apple. It would have been nice to maintain a horror theme, but given that the original accidentally gave a horrifyingly Sisyphean take on "Happily Ever After," heavily implying that once the story's over, they just go back to the beginning, (so, after Cinderella marries the Prince, she goes back to being a glorified slave for her stepmother; even the versions where the wicked stepsisters mutilate their feet so they fit in the glass slipper weren't this fucked up), I guess I maintained the horror theme after all.  

• Nice to know that Doughy can still find work after Moral Orel ended.
  
• I'd ask why the animation looks more shit this time around, but I'm aware that they had to work with a lower budget. As a result, everything looks like a test animation and something most animated features, possibly even the original, would only show in the special features on the DVD.
  
• So now, it's just a rehashing of Snow White and the Seven DWarfs? 
  
• How exactly is what Snow White's wearing inappropriate? Is it that she's wearing that black corset on the outside?
  
• I know the whole "massive crossover of the Fairy Tale Cinematic Universe" thing the original did has been done before, stuff like Once Upon a Time, Shrek, Into the Woods, and even Hoodwinked (I'll be covering that one's sequel eventually), but did they really have to just do a version of Snow White that's mixed in with the sort of celebrity club culture that'd fall from grace a year or two after this was released.
  
• You know, I'm just glad they didn't show the 10 Little Indians Orphanage. Though, if they do, I've got the "Stupid Fucking White Man" clip from Dead Man.
  
• Wait, are they telling the story or not?
  
• Somehow, when the King said he wanted a woman like his late wife, I don't think he wanted someone who looked like her.
  
• Jesus fuck, an inch makes that much of a difference for these women? Do they all just have ridiculously small heads? Crap, he really did just want someone who looked like her, didn't he?
  
• So, Snow White's apple just makes her say the rudest things possible? Why do I get the feeling that trawling the more unsavory parts of Youtube will overshadow anything the movie comes up with?
  
• So, I guess we're only giving Snow White's friends names 30 minutes into the movie.
  
• You know, this movie was very prescient, even going as far as telling the story of Justine Sacco several years before it happened.
  
• In absolute fairness, sleeping after eating a single spoonful of soup isn't too surprising. At least if she has a sleep disorder like I do.
  
• Why the fuck are the Wizard's assistants actually in the story now?
  
• I should probably have expected a movie where the Seven Dwarfs show up would have ended up invoking this song:
  
  
  In fairness, if they included this song in the actual scene where she helped rebuild the other two Little Pigs' home, it'd probably have been a lot more tolerable.
• You know, for a movie that's ripping off 2008 culture this much, why not make the Old Lady who Lived in a Shoe more like Michelle Duggar? Crap, if they ended up doing that, the oldest son would probably have molested Snow White.
  
• So, there's enough kids to do two layers of a maypole dance around Snow White? Or is there another word for it? For some reason, the only other phrase I can think of is "Spinning Wonder Turbine."
  

  Harry was transfixed as he watched the children, gently swaying with the song, float skyward. The little ones began to orbit the rape ape, who was convulsing as though stricken by the seizure devil. As the song increased in tempo the childflesh bubbled and merged into a spinning wonder turbine. The fleshy kidmass sprouted hair and groin dribblers just like the rape ape, and sprayed confetti into skies of past and future, setting the constellations aflame with the opalescent of the perished rape apes. An explosion of color and hair left Harry Potter alone and still bound.

• Are they calling fasion police on the same outfit Snow White's been wearing all movie? Maybe they just weren't the sort of friends she'd want to reunite with anyway. Also, how does a dress this low-cut have zero cleavage?
  
• Well, I guess I have this to say about the movie: it has a better grasp of how refraction works than Totally Spies did.
  
  
  

And next week, I'm taking on a "documentary" and potential companion piece to one of the most classic horror films of all time: The Devil and Father Amorth.

[Silver]

Jaula (The Chalk Line) Netflix

A couple temporarily adopts a young girl that they found wandering around alone in the high road.

[Silver]

Matriarch Hulu

Afflicted with a mysterious disease after surviving an overdose, a woman returns to her childhood home to confront her personal demons but instead discovers a real one.