The Last Movie You Watched

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project, the second in our "Leaving HBO Max" themed-month: The Blair Witch Project 2. It's the sequel to the smash hit original, directed by an actual documentarian this time around. And then recut into a normal slasher film against the director's wishes.

• And now, it's re-enactments instead of fake found footage. A bit of a step down.
  
• And we're padding it out with footage of the actual town, balancing the occasional reminders that the original was fake with footage of true believers from Burkittsville who seemed to believe the legend is true, despite there being no record of the witch before the previous year. And a lot of grifters.
  
• I don't even know what these doctors are supposed to be doing. They're apparently feeding the guy through the nose like it's The Titicut Follies, then they're injecting him with something, then his mouth is foaming over, then they gave him a hose washing, and now he's in a mental hospital.
  
• There's a family called Treacle?
  
• You need amphetamines to get energy, but you're settling for weed and beer, both of which are the exact opposite.
  
• Huh. You've got a pregnant woman and somehow, she's the one who's acting like a pack mule? Even if she is just six weeks along, that strikes me as a questionable decision.
  
• I don't think that was Rustin Parr's house. For one thing, it was an actual house and not ruins. And even the ruins left from the Griggs House weren't quite this bare.
  
• Sure, it's just the Blair Witch that's setting back Wicca. The fact that the witchcraft tropes perpetuated by the film were already believed by enough of the population that the Satanic Panic could still be a thing less than a decade prior means fuck all.
  
• I did not know Bubbly Creek was near Burkittsville, Maryland.
  
• It's raining shredded documents, hallelujah, it's raining shredded documents, Amen!
  
• The goth girl has the ability to find VHS tapes by psychic powers. Why the fuck not? 
  
• I'm sorry, did they just give three explanations for how the pregnant girl miscarried in the span of five minutes?
  
• Yes, we get it, Joe Berlinger made his bones making documentaries about the West Memphis 3.
  
• Where are these interrogations scenes supposed to take place chronologically?
  
• This house has a lot of Oakland Ghost Ship vibes
  
• And we get even more of the same: MOICHANDISING, MOICHANDISING!
  
  
  And even Spaceballs isn't this desperate for shit to sell that they're just selling dirt. At least not until the animated series, anyway.
• The tree in the middle of the "Parr House" ruins is just getting more and more pointless.
  
• They're all that obsessed with a skin rash? When I went to Red Robin earlier in the day, I had a waitress with a fucking scar on her throat like someone tried to slit it and stopped halfway.
  
• How does the timecode just randomly switch? Did they borrow equipment from James O'Keefe? (relevant section is about 63 minutes in)
  
  
  
• Also, it's been donkeys since I saw the original Blair Witch Project, did the footage just randomly glitch out like the footage in this one does?
  
• Way to completely shit the bed on what made the original distinctive and unique (at least for 1999). Everything in that movie looked like it could potentially have happened in real life. Hell, when it was out, the three main cast members were actually listed on IMDb as being "missing, presumed dead." And people legit believed it. And they had nothing that destroyed the illusion like these random-ass dream scenes.
  
  
  
• So the ancient pagan alphabet is just runes?
  
• How did you drive the van back? Presumably the same way that Leo drove his DeLorean in Wolf of Wall Street in the Cerebral Palsy phase of his Lemmon high.
  
• The sheriff's calling him live on TV?
  
• An owl just randomly burst through the window in broad daylight? Why?
  
• Wait, the bridge was gone but now it's back?
  
• Why do they have to play the tapes backwards now?
  
• I don't know why this orgy would only be accessible when playing the tape backwards, but it looks like it could be a lot of fun, even if the document and gear destruction is a bit less so.
  
• Why the fuck does this bear so much of a resemblance to the Slender Man killings of 2014? At least they found something to pass for The Slender Mansion this time around.
  
• And now this is reminding me of High Tension with all the plot holes this big reveal takes.
  
• And, spoiler alert: the Book of Shadows in the title does not appear in the movie.
  

Next week and the week after that: Happily N'Ever After and Happily N'Ever After 2: Snow White: Another Bite @ The Apple.

[Orbit]

The last movie I watched was a documentary about Hunter S. Thompson called "Gonzo"

[Gwaithmir]

[Silver]

Old People (Netflix)

A woman travels home with her two kids for her sister's wedding but finds herself defending her family against blood-seeking pensioners.

[Fake Messiah]

Confirmation (2016) - about Anita Hill and Clarence Thomas. Needless to say that it is quite an experience watching this movie now, about this so-called moral crusader who abolished Roe v. Wade and who wants to ban gay marriage next.

[Gwaithmir]

[Silver]

Grimcutty (Hulu)

A suburban teen girl and her little brother must stop a terrifying internet meme brought to life by the hysteria of their parents.

[Gwaithmir]

[Silver]

The Curse of Bridge Hollow (Netflix)

A teenage girl, who accidentally releases an ancient and mischievous spirit on Halloween which causes decorations to come alive and wreak havoc, must team up with the last person she'd want to in order to save their town - her father.

[Silver]

Halloween Ends (Peacock)

The saga of Michael Myers and Laurie Strode comes to a spine-chilling climax in this final installment of this trilogy.