The Last Movie You Watched

[Rev. Rye]

All right, now that Fant4stic is over, I may as well go into some detail about it.

Well, we all know it was shit. Its problems stem from the fact that it exists in the first place. Seriously, it's pretty well-documented that this film only exists because Fox really, really, wanted to keep the rights to the Fantastic Four and needed to be on a deadline. They did their damnedest to try and get it out before their rights reverted to Marvel, up to and including doing special effects work mere WEEKS before release.

Naturally, the film that resulted is horrible: the script is utterly stupid (including the fact that Reed Richards' invention is shown off to a high school science fair and is disqualified as being fake the second it's shown to actually work), the actors were allegedly told to give as flat a performance as possible and it really shows, especially for Doctor Doom, the pacing is all over the place, and, well, let's just say that the character names are pretty much the only things that actually got taken from the original comics. I'm not even that much of a Fantastic Four fan, but even I can tell that.

There are occasional glimpses of a good film in there, particularly in the scenes where they're dealing with their new powers, and, of course, Philip Glass' score is easily the best part of the movie, but it's so bogged down in stupid shit that it's no wonder it got so much bad press. And, yes, the behind-the-scenes shit is infinitely more interesting than the film.

The film's troubled production is infamous for the fights between the studio and director Josh Trank. From what I've read, it looks like, while Josh Trank's behaviour didn't do the film any favours, the studio seems to have been even worse. The script was in a constant state of flux to the point where the film didn't even have a real ending until the RESHOOTS, and they had to outsource much of the special effects to a company they specifically chose as a cost-cutting measure, to predictable results.

A lot of people would oppose a darker and edgier reboot of the Fantastic Four on principle, but given the sea change in the perceptions of Batman between the Adam West series and Superfriends and the work of Frank Miller and Tim Burton, I think it could have worked if the people in charge knew what the fuck they were doing. You know, this is one of those films where I'd love to see the director's cut. I honestly doubt the version Josh Trank claimed to have made in his infamous pre-release tweet would actually be genuinely good, but if they somehow got the materials together for a Director's Cut of this film, I have no doubt it would still be at least 20% less shit than the version we have now. Well, maybe Fonzo will actually be good and Trank won't prove to be a total wash as a director. And maybe now that Marvel seems to have bought back the rights to the Fantastic Four (after Disney bought most of Fox' assets), there might actually be a genuinely good Fantastic Four film.

[Cod]

Watched Bird Cage.

Quite a few jump scares, and quite gory in places. Thought the ending was a bit predictable though. Overall it's worth a 7/10.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Ironman 2 Fun to watch if your religion doesn't include comic books.

[Little lunch]

Just finished watching, 'How to train your dragon 2' with my daughter.
We watched the first one this morning.
Both movies were just lovely.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

The Little Hours

I was thoroughly impressed that a film with Aubrey Plaza, Kate Micucci, and Nick Offerman could be so mind-numbingly bad.

Imdb says it was based on 'The Decameron'.  I think it was based on 'The Decameron' in precisely the same way that 'Apollo 13' was based on 'The Tale Of Peter Rabbit'.

Boru

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Just finished watching, 'How to train your dragon 2' with my daughter.
We watched the first one this morning.
Both movies were just lovely.

The third one is coming out Feb. 22.

[onlinebiker]

Braven...

What a sorry sack of drizzling dogshit.

Stick to Aquaman..

[Brian37]

I watched the other night, a horrible B movie, didn't catch the title of it, but it was about a girl discovering a voodoo doll. You know the expression "There is nothing new under the sun", in this case meaning the plot isn't as original as you'd think.

In it you slowly discover the only way to kill this evil voodoo doll is to replace the noose back on it's neck and hang it to stop it from attacking people or possessing them.

There was a horror movie made back in 1975 called "Trilogy Of Terror". In it a woman is given a tribal wooden carved doll with a spear and warrior paint. But the doll came to life when the necklace fell off. It of course chased her around the apartment trying to stab her to death with the spear.

What makes me think the movie makers of he movie I watched the other night, were inspired by Trilogy Of Terror was the motif of removing an item from the doll for it to come to life, and the fact the writers of both movies had the characters attempt to burn them to death.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

There was a horror movie made back in 1975 called "Trilogy Of Terror". In it a woman is given a tribal wooden carved doll with a spear and warrior paint. But the doll came to life when the necklace fell off. It of course chased her around the apartment trying to stab her to death with the spear.

Saw that one in an ... enhanced state. The oven scene was hysterical.

[Rev. Rye]

And this week's entry in the 'So-Bad-It's-Horrible-a-Thon': Biodome. Well, this is easily worse than Fant4stic or Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas.

Seriously, this is one of the most obnoxious films I've ever seen. The movie's opening titles look like shit, like the Z-tech version of the guys who made the title scene for Seven, and then, the second we see Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin on screen, where they're randomly fighting each other in the hopes of not being dragged to something and making loud and irritating noises, I immediately hate them. I understand that Pauly Shore's style is obnoxious, but when I saw him in Son in Law over a decade ago, he wasn't this fucking bad. He could at least shut the fuck up for longer than a second then. And then his turning the Biodome around comes out of fucking nowhere and happens only because the plot says Biodome shouldn't turn into a FEMA emergency.

Of course, there's the plot. These two idiots managed to sneak onboard this BioDome for a year-long experiment and they're not kicked out just because. I mean, sure, the point of the experiment is creating a closed system for a year, but they were discovered before the dome was sealed. Also, the dome being as utterly sealed as the film implies is so unfeasible that even the actual BioSphere it's based on even allowed the seal to be broken for an injured scientist to receive treatment. And still they leave a key in a lock in the desert.

Any good things about it? Well, William Atherton does a damn good job and easily becomes the most sympathetic character when he leaves the two to die in the desert biome (even though it's easily accessible via staircase and they would seem to leave easily), and some of the music is actually good, like The Safety Dance, Stuck in the Middle With You, Da Da Da, and even the Tenacious D cameo.

I first stopped around the 30 minute mark, and by the time I came back, I had had an exhausting day of just downloading Excel spreadsheets from Suppliernet, and somehow, I started to warm to the film. And it all evaporated as soon as this scene came.



As someone who recently bought Blue Velvet on Blu-Ray, this is all I have to say about them calling Dorothy Valens (whose husband was killed, son was kidnapped, and was kept as a sex slave by the guy who did both those things) a slut:




Fuck it. It's not quite as horrible as I was dreading, but it's still utter shit, and probably the worst comedy I've ever seen. Well, here's hoping Season 1 of The Larry Sanders Show will cleanse my palate.