The Last Movie You Watched

[Rev. Rye]

This week's entry in the Deep Hurting Project is the 2013 film Getaway. No, not the one with Steve McQueen, this is a different film. A much stupider one.

The first thing I notice is that, off the bat, the cinematography is all over the place, switching between fairly normal looking to grainy black and white to footage recorded on a dashcam. This is pretty jarring in a way that I'm fairly certain the filmmakers did not intend. This may be a good reminder that this time around, all the driving is real. So many cars were wrecked in the making of this film that they had to make their own junkyard just to store all the wreckage.

That said, let's talk about the story. It's really fast-paced (according to the IMDB, there are a total of 6150 edits in the film, in contrast to a normal 90-minute film's 1600. This averages out to an average shot length of 0.878 seconds or about 21 FRAMES) and I strongly suspect that the reason is to distract from how stupid the film is. It's basically like Crank, except that, while those film embrace the complete insanity of the premise, this film just feels like it's trying to play it straight, even as the evil mastermind, played by Jon Voight, has a voice like a cross between Henry Kissinger and Elmer Fudd, and even when he asks Ethan Hawke to drive the car down a set of steps, it all just seems totally stupid, but not in a fun kind of way. The film is far too fast-paced, and, while it has a lot of action, they devote almost no time to actually developing the characters. Even when they're in between missions, they don't explain anything about the characters. Ethan Hawke's a professional driver whose wife has been kidnapped. Selena Gomez is a super hacker who just happens to own the car being used (and doesn't mention it until late in the film for some reason). Jon Voight is taking an extremely overcomplicated stupid method just so he can rob a bank. And he roughs Ethan's wife up for no good reason. Barring the characters listed as "Henchman" or "Driver" or "Valet", there are exactly seven characters of note. Not one could pass the Plinkett Test. And most of them barely even appear in the film. Seriously, "Shut Up and Dance" could make it work and create well-realised characters, and it was 38 minutes shorter than this film. The fuck is wrong with this film?

And now for the only proper response to this film:

[Rev. Rye]

This week on the Deep Hurting Project: The Love Guru.

Well, at least the idea of Mike Myers playing an Indian guru is a lot less cringeworthy than I expected. To be fair, apparently, he's actually a white guy who just happened to grow up in India, and had a creepily superimposed version of Mike Myers' face on a child's body.

But, of course, since this is a comedy that made the So Bad It's Horrible list, there's a lot of shitty attempts at bad comedy. Here's some I found in the first 20 minutes:

• lots of dick jokes, even for a movie about a sex guru.
  
• a sitar raga that turns into "9 to 5",
  
•  an actual Indian guru played by Ben Kingsley (cross-eyed because masturbation),
  
• Mike Myers' group being named EIEIO, with loads of stupid acronyms and vacant explanations of simple words so bad that even Gary Busey would tell him to tone it down. Seriously, I have hyperlexia, and as a result of learning to read at an age where most of my peers hadn't been potty trained, I'm really kind of fascinated with wordplay. But, seriously, seeing him running the "Nowhere"=>"Now Here" into the ground (even homaging The Electric Company) really ruins it.
  
• A running gag of using "Mariska Hargitay" as a greeting that culminates in the actual Mariska Hargitay actually shows up.
  
• Verne Troyer getting repeatedly being the brunt of midget jokes.
  
• Really, overall, any potential joke that could potentially work gets run straight into the ground.
  

Also, apparently a "sutra" is something you go to and not aphorisms or a collection thereof. Seriously, Wikipedia was already up and running, why could you not take the five seconds it took me to google the word? Well, honestly, after having rewatched Fredrik Knudsen's episode of Rajneeshpuram, I guess it's interesting that his manservant is named Rajneesh. Then again, I can only assume that Indians, whether Indian-Americans or Indian-Indians might find that a bit offensive, especially given that, of all the actual Indian names to use, they take one that was related to the second-biggest bioterrorism attack on American soil (though, given how the Smallpox Blankets were only confirmed to be used once in 1763 and may not have actually worked, they could be the #1). 

Overall, this is still better than Bio-Dome in the comedy department, but, given how Mike Myers' films were always better than this (yes, even The Cat in the Hat), it certainly makes sense it made the list. It's a painfully unfunny comedy.

[Fake Messiah]

I recently watched "Two for the Road" 1967  and it is the only movie so far that I watched that is about marriage and that portrays it as kind of a normal thing, although not idyllic, because all other movies about marriage are automatically melodramas in which spouses fight physically and verbally, so it was suprisingly original and refreshing.

[fredd bear]

No, don't think I have. I have got a set pf movies, but forget about which series. I'll check it out.

ISBN 032429288554

Oh, THOSE movies. I've seen them all, and have copies of the ones I want.

[Athene]

Looking forward to seeing Us this weekend.

Dopplegangers....YAASSS! 

[Athene]

So I did see Us yesterday and I enjoyed it. It struck an excellent balance of action and suspense.
It was quite thought-provoking as well.

With a two-hour running time, I was a little worried about nodding off; Especially having gone to see it straight from a particularly long and exhausting day work.
The movie did it's job though. Sympathetic nervous response was well-activated. I easily stayed awake, and even jumped in my seat a few times.


Perceived social commentary of the film aside, I STILL remain adamant that if I were to ever "meet" my doppleganger/clone I'd KILL it; Especially if it sought me out.
That can never change.

Now parallel universe 'me' would be a different story. She could just be trying warn me/help me fight the future.
I keep my eye on her, but I'd definitely hear her out.

But creep-o copies? Hell no. They'd get the ax.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

How would you know you're not a copy?

[Angrboda]

Still waiting to see Captain Marvel. I'm giving my brother-in-law a Fandango gift card next weekend, so I'm waiting until then so that I can offer to go see it with him.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Still waiting to see Captain Marvel.  I'm giving my brother-in-law a Fandango gift card next weekend, so I'm waiting until then so that I can offer to go see it with him.

Liked it. Better than average origin story. Got my nerd on when she arrived here.

[veoli]

28 Days Later 8/10
28 Weeks Later 7/10
Spiderman Homecoming 7/10
Captain America Winder Soldier 7/10
2012 6/10