The Last Movie You Watched

[AniKoferBo]

I've lost more that than. Two drives just gave off the mysterious blue smoke.

Black smoke dude

[Gawdzilla Sama]

I've lost  more that than. Two drives just gave off the mysterious blue smoke.

Black smoke dude

Adam Savage said "blue". Adam Savage is God.

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project, the only movie starring Carrot Top: Chairman of the Board.

• You know what, Carrot Top hasn't even appeared on screen (Hell, his character hasn't even been born yet) and he's annoying me. Fucking Hell, I don't know if the record set by Pauly Shore was ever surpassed, but now it has.
  
• Also, how the fuck did he get that chemistry set in his mother's vagina?
  
• Why does that hair-washing machine have horn-rimmed glasses attached to it?
  
• To be fair, that is kind of my reaction to showers. Which is why I bathe. 
  
• Is this what Freddy Got Fingered sounds like he's
  
• Tell me Jimmy Buffet didn't Okay this.
  
• Why don't these directors try to break up this fight in their audition of Annie?
  
• So, he's created a car with a built-in juicer, and the not-Rodney Dangerfield he picked up is surprised he's an inventor?
  
• "Man, nothing reminds me of my first time llike a chick crying."
  
• Fucking Hell, I've watched that episode of Rescue Me and I know that you don't put an eternal flame indoors. Even when there's a sprinkler system in the room.
  
• Wow. Sneezing human ashes. Can't he act like a civilized person and snort them instead? 
  
• You know, this bringing up "You Light UP My Life" reminds me: which would be a happier experience? Watching this movie or Todd Solondz' film Happiness, which includes pedophilia, rape, murder, general mutilation, anhedonia, a kid's first ejaculation, and that sappy song sung by a Russian dude?
  
• Yep, he somehow invented vaping. 
  
• Wait, the pocket protector protector was already invented on an episode of Saved by the Bell.
  
• Why are there nails protruding from a Jaguar hood ornament, which is currently stuck on the car with duct tape alongside something beige I can't make out because the pause button's covering it up and it's only on screen for a second? To be fair, that scene of him yelling and crushing his phone, only to conclude with "call you later" is actually kinda funny.
  
• What's with the multi-coloured smoke? Has a new pope been chosen? Did the kidnappers burn the booby-trapped briefcases, letting Yokohama's finest know where they are?
  
  
  
  
• Hmm, giving the workers a stake in the means of production.
  To be fair, maybe holding Luau Wednesday at the beach isn't.
  
• Wow. You've just created a needlessly complicated catheter.
  
• Is this the first appearance of the Slender Man in cinema? If so, why the fuck is he Carrot Top?
  
• So, wait, isn't he already taking risks with these bizarre novelty inventions? Why did Bradford need to give him a pep talk to do shit he's already doing?
  
• So, the guy invented this device to allow men to breastfeed. Yeah, that actually existed already, and in a form that wasn't poorly designed.
  
  
• The love interest is wearing an Indian headdress. I finally saw Parasite last week and I feel like I should reference Da-Song, but I'm not sure what to make light of.
  
• And did he just call Courtney Thorne-Smith by her actual name?
  
• Why is Audrey II in his head?
  
• It's "Yea High," not "Yo High."
  
• So, after looking at Larry Miller's plans to sabotage Carrot Top's time in the firm, I seriously have to ask: won't the shareholders see him as enabling him every step of the way? Is there any reason for them to take him over it?
  
• It's a Hell of a lot easier to use clay pigeons when they're suspended by a wire. 
  
• He's gone overboard? ... Well, fuck me in the ass and call me Maria Schneider, that movie's free on YouTube and I can actually cover it on the Project now. 
  
• Is the farting lie detector shirt really necessary?
  
• So, he's spending his paycheck on extravagances to the point where he's getting broke again? Just saying, that's how many companies in the Dot Com boom fell a couple years after this movie was made.
  
• And why is that guy only radioactive when his shirt's off? Is this supposed to be fake?
  
• And Larry Miller calling Carrot Top on the fact that he didn't test his Real TV Dinners when he was the one who convinced him to forego testing in the first place proves my point.
  
• Does he not know how the word "moi" works?
  
• And of course he used this "Glo-Gunk" thing to fake a crisis. Of course. 
  
• Wow. They're really stretching this "signing the rights to the company away" thing.
  
• Also, why does the glow-gunk look different from what it looks like on the TV? And why, of all movies, is this the one that explains that radiation doesn't make you glow?
  
• Also, this is apparently inspired by someone named Bijan Amin. I can find no information on who this guy is or why he's important or even relevant to this horseshit. 
  

So, later in the week will be the abortion that is Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa, and I think I've sat on Rock: It's Your Decision long enough, so that'll be next week.

[Fake Messiah]

Croods 2 - very good movie with serious character conflicts that at moments it felt like watching a Edward Albee play.

[arewethereyet]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project, the only movie starring Carrot Top: Chairman of the Board.

• You know what, Carrot Top hasn't even appeared on screen (Hell, his character hasn't even been born yet) and he's annoying me. Fucking Hell, I don't know if the record set by Pauly Shore was ever surpassed, but now it has.
  
• Also, how the fuck did he get that chemistry set in his mother's vagina?
  
• Why does that hair-washing machine have horn-rimmed glasses attached to it?
  
• To be fair, that is kind of my reaction to showers. Which is why I bathe. 
  
• Is this what Freddy Got Fingered sounds like he's
  
• Tell me Jimmy Buffet didn't Okay this.
  
• Why don't these directors try to break up this fight in their audition of Annie?
  
• So, he's created a car with a built-in juicer, and the not-Rodney Dangerfield he picked up is surprised he's an inventor?
  
• "Man, nothing reminds me of my first time llike a chick crying."
  
• Fucking Hell, I've watched that episode of Rescue Me and I know that you don't put an eternal flame indoors. Even when there's a sprinkler system in the room.
  
• Wow. Sneezing human ashes. Can't he act like a civilized person and snort them instead? 
  
• You know, this bringing up "You Light UP My Life" reminds me: which would be a happier experience? Watching this movie or Todd Solondz' film Happiness, which includes pedophilia, rape, murder, general mutilation, anhedonia, a kid's first ejaculation, and that sappy song sung by a Russian dude?
  
• Yep, he somehow invented vaping. 
  
• Wait, the pocket protector protector was already invented on an episode of Saved by the Bell.
  
• Why are there nails protruding from a Jaguar hood ornament, which is currently stuck on the car with duct tape alongside something beige I can't make out because the pause button's covering it up and it's only on screen for a second? To be fair, that scene of him yelling and crushing his phone, only to conclude with "call you later" is actually kinda funny.
  
• What's with the multi-coloured smoke? Has a new pope been chosen? Did the kidnappers burn the booby-trapped briefcases, letting Yokohama's finest know where they are?
  
  
  
  
• Hmm, giving the workers a stake in the means of production.
  To be fair, maybe holding Luau Wednesday at the beach isn't.
  
• Wow. You've just created a needlessly complicated catheter.
  
• Is this the first appearance of the Slender Man in cinema? If so, why the fuck is he Carrot Top?
  
• So, wait, isn't he already taking risks with these bizarre novelty inventions? Why did Bradford need to give him a pep talk to do shit he's already doing?
  
• So, the guy invented this device to allow men to breastfeed. Yeah, that actually existed already, and in a form that wasn't poorly designed.
  
  
• The love interest is wearing an Indian headdress. I finally saw Parasite last week and I feel like I should reference Da-Song, but I'm not sure what to make light of.
  
• And did he just call Courtney Thorne-Smith by her actual name?
  
• Why is Audrey II in his head?
  
• It's "Yea High," not "Yo High."
  
• So, after looking at Larry Miller's plans to sabotage Carrot Top's time in the firm, I seriously have to ask: won't the shareholders see him as enabling him every step of the way? Is there any reason for them to take him over it?
  
• It's a Hell of a lot easier to use clay pigeons when they're suspended by a wire. 
  
• He's gone overboard? ... Well, fuck me in the ass and call me Maria Schneider, that movie's free on YouTube and I can actually cover it on the Project now. 
  
• Is the farting lie detector shirt really necessary?
  
• So, he's spending his paycheck on extravagances to the point where he's getting broke again? Just saying, that's how many companies in the Dot Com boom fell a couple years after this movie was made.
  
• And why is that guy only radioactive when his shirt's off? Is this supposed to be fake?
  
• And Larry Miller calling Carrot Top on the fact that he didn't test his Real TV Dinners when he was the one who convinced him to forego testing in the first place proves my point.
  
• Does he not know how the word "moi" works?
  
• And of course he used this "Glo-Gunk" thing to fake a crisis. Of course. 
  
• Wow. They're really stretching this "signing the rights to the company away" thing.
  
• Also, why does the glow-gunk look different from what it looks like on the TV? And why, of all movies, is this the one that explains that radiation doesn't make you glow?
  
• Also, this is apparently inspired by someone named Bijan Amin. I can find no information on who this guy is or why he's important or even relevant to this horseshit. 
  

So, later in the week will be the abortion that is Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa, and I think I've sat on Rock: It's Your Decision long enough, so that'll be next week.

Bloom County is the best!

[Rev. Rye]

which would be a happier experience? Watching [Chairman of the Board] or Todd Solondz' film Happiness, which includes pedophilia, rape, murder, general mutilation, anhedonia, a kid's first ejaculation, and that sappy song sung by a Russian dude?

Okay, so I just followed up on this question, and I can safely say, yes, watching Todd Solondz’ Happiness is a more mirthful experience than watching Chairman of the Board. Unlike the latter film, the former’s jokes at least land a lot of the time (pitch-black as they may be). And while many of Solondz’ characters can be considered morally repulsive, none, with the possible exception of the guy Joy broke up with in the beginning, are annoying. And even he took a while to get on my nerves, and not before he even appeared on screen.

[Rev. Rye]

This week's addendum to the Deep Hurting Project: Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa. So, the story behind this special is kind of odd: Apparently, one of the producers was in the Church of Scientology, and he was high enough to have connections with Nancy Cartwright, who eventually helped bring on legitimate talent  like Mark Hamill, Paige O'Hara, Jodi Benson, and Grey Delisle, Clint Howard, April Winchell, and others (one of which I will explain later). They hired Wolf Tracer Studios to animate it, apparently on the strength of their character designs. They gave it a blank check for $500,000, and they trusted them enough that they didn't even look at the animation until it aired on the WB in December 2002. It was so bad, so fundamentally broken, that for 12 1/2 years, many people wondered if they hallucinated the whole thing until it was uploaded in full to Vimeo. 

• 0:02: Why, yes, this is the level of animation we're going to be
  
• 0:37: This music is far too good for  this special. And far too dark and epic for a slice-of-life story.
  
• 1:13: And it looks like this thing was made in MS Paint.
  
• 1:58: This has to be the fakest-looking walking I've ever seen in CGI. This is at "Money For Nothing" levels, and they at least had the excuse of it being 1985!
  
• 7:04: I'm ready to skate bigger and faster than my Mom can make the biggest sandwiches in the world. What kind of brag is that?
  
• 8:00: Okay, in addition to all the famous voice actors, I should point out that they apparently planned to release a soundtrack album with music by none other than Whitney Houston. It's never been released.
  
• 8:28: So, he slides all the way onto the ice when he's nowhere near it, all from the force of a single  snowball hit.
  
• 10:26: Also, the fat kid's carrying around a sandwich everywhere. He never takes a bite out of it. He just carries  it around everywhere. Dafuq?
  
• 11:25, 13:53: The sole criterion of a good gift is its coming from the mall. Evidently, even the shit people throw into the trash at the food court counts.
  
• 11:40: Well, that's a shitty message: bullying is love.
  
• 14:14: Somehow, that side image is terrifying me.
  
• 15:15: A really big store that starts with a W. Is Walmart seriously your stamp of quality?
  
• 15:41: So, here's the thing with Great-Grandma. She was originally voiced by MadTV's Debra Wilson, and, when they originally recorded it, she was actually speaking actual words. Somehow, however, the audio files got corrupted, and now we get this bizarre Boomhauer shit, with the occasional intelligible line or two coming through, so it's like "fdbnsdundimspgesmggienweoumerpmeg,gp CHRISTMAS!" Somehow, Wolf Tracer didn't even notice it until it aired. And now, the most cited film in the Project makes its return:
  
  
  
• 17:25: I'm sure that this walk cycle reminds me of something.
  
• 18:13: So, she makes fun of her friend for believing in Santa, and she still believes in Santa? Is this hypocrisy or just shitty writing?
  
• 23:13: This needs some death metal so bad.
  
• 25:05: How is being scared of an imaginary spider blackmail material? And why is this basement sequence even there?
  
• 27:16: Goddammit, I wish we didn't have the three-videos-per-post limit. I'd be showing off the junkyard scene from Stand By Me, but I won't because I've got something to share for the end. So, I'll just say "Chopper, Sic Balls!" Though this wouldn't really work when most of the trespassees don't have balls.
  
• 32:24: Well, how about that? They actually get to the subject of believing in Santa, just like the title promised.
  
• 36:38: Turn around, Lenee. Does the animation budget not extend to turning around?
  
• 37:44: Wow, three consecutive sentences from Great-Grandma that weren't just "dbsjbnsdobmpmesmtunuiwomwigneiu CHRISTMAS!"
  
• 38:16: Wait, Santa? In the middle of the fucking day? Long after presents had been delivered?
  
• 38:53: Wait, where did she get the reindeer? Did they find it in the junkyard, too?
  

• 37:01: Gee, good thing those kids didn't approach that horse in his blind spot.
  
• 41:46: About that sequel they advertised: There's some evidence indicating that it aired in 2003, but, strangely, it turns out it never got past the first draft before Wolf Tracer ceased operations.
  
• 41:53: Is that audio scrambled or is she just saying "goodbye" in a shitton of languages?
  

And, the funny thing is there was at least a perfectly adequate Christmas Special hidden among all this horseshit, as evidenced by this greatly abbreviated animatic for a re-animated version shows:

[Angrboda]

[onlinebiker]

Have it on DVD...

So we did not watch it last nite on Comet..

Fun movie.

[Angrboda]

...

Have it on DVD...

So we did not watch it last nite on Comet..

Fun movie.

I've been wanting to watch it for some time. I just happened to check the schedule a few minutes before it started.