The Last Movie You Watched

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project: Disco Worms. I don't know shit about it, but it looks like this is going to be bad. 

• The opening is a nature documentary  about the worm that rage quits when it has to say it's interesting. That can't be a good sign.
  
• So, apparently, there's a character labeled as a centipede, but it's clearly not a centipede.
  
• Is that human deliberately stepping into bramble bushes?
  
• Fucking Hell, these worm designs look like shi- Did they just try and put tits on worms?
  
• Evidently, the worm world is about three decades or so behind the human worlds, since evidently women are still getting wet over Morris Albert songs.
  
• And it looks like they didn't master the art of lip-sync.
  
• So, it looks like my hypothesis about the worm world being three decades behind is off since, they've got a disco record in storage.
  
• This is why you don't create a movie about dance and make your main characters animals who don't have limbs:
  
  
  
• Also, not only do worms have tits, some even have big, saggy tits.
  
• Is that an ad for a weight-loss device or a phone sex line?
  
• Is it just me or does the apparent love interest look more like a dude in drag and also a worm? 
  
• And I know they're supposed to be in love, but he looks like he doesn't give a shit about her boundaries.
  
• And now for how to properly deal with the whole "leaving something inappropriate in the copier" thing: 
  
  
  
• Also, why does that metal guitarist have the exact same face as the love interest?
  
• So, what the fuck is this economy? You have to save up for two years just to get a guitar case, your first paycheck in an office job is 500 dollars (rendered 500,- for some reason, like it's shillings and pence in predecimal British currency), and that's only enough to buy drumsticks.
  
• That's a strap, not a belt.
  
• And they set up a synth, even though they didn't even have someone to play it. And, given that the period-accurate synths are evidently easy enough that Linda McCartney can learn how to do it, why not try and get Gloria to do it?
  
• Is that girl the lounge singer is creeping on supposed to be a child?
  
• Hmm. A trip-hop cover of "Love to Love You Baby." For once, I actually like one of these covers.
  
• Well, at least the lounge singer isn't an exclusive pedophile.
  
• Well, that shift from a warehouse to an underground tunnel is jarring. And that's not going into the fact that, all of a sudden, a shovel picks them up and puts them in a live bait vending machine. And, apparently, their price is $2 (I'm sorry 2,-) apiece. Which is actually a bit under par, if this photo is any indication.
  
• And not-Linda McCartney suddenly learns to sing, and at the worst time, when they might need her shriek to break the glass to their vending machine.
  
• So, apparently the guitarist was gay all along, since he's apparently obsessed with the leatherman from the Village People.
  
• And what is he doing, tying the worms onto a fishing hook while water's nowhere in sight?
  
  
  
• To be fair, not Linda McCartney's old vocal style might have fit in perfectly with the B-52's.
  
• And what the fuck is with the mom's use of an inhaler? 
  
• And what the Christ even was that mayflies number?
  
• How it empathises me? I don't think that word works like that.
  
• Oh, look it turns out the pedo lounge singer lip-syncs.
  
• And so Sunshine Barry and the Disco Worms win 10,000,-, which is apparently enough for about 20 sets of drumsticks in this Weimar- Actually, scratch that, the Mayflies win for whatever they were doing. And so does the pedo lounge singer. But at least they earn fame throughout their worm ghetto. 
  

Well, at least we've got a comedy in line for next week.

[Brian37]

There are very few movies I can watch over and over and never get tired of, "Breaking In" is one of them.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

There are very few movies I can watch over and over and never get tired of, "Breaking In" is one of them.

The one with Burt Reynolds, or the one with Gabrielle Union?

Boru

[Brian37]

There are very few movies I can watch over and over and never get tired of, "Breaking In" is one of them.

The one with Burt Reynolds, or the one with Gabrielle Union?

Boru

The one I was just watching, was about a bunch of white guys breaking into a wealthy back family's house expecting, as the plot reveals, that nobody would be at home when they broke in. The intent of the white intruders was to get to the safe full of money. They did not expect the wife and kids to be there as the plot impies. The mother, in the script kicks their asses throughout the movie. 

But if this modern script was simply a remake, that also would not surprise me.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

The one with Burt Reynolds, or the one with Gabrielle Union?

Boru

The one I was just watching, was about a bunch of white guys breaking into a wealthy back family's house expecting, as the plot reveals, that nobody would be at home when they broke in. The intent of the white intruders was to get to the safe full of money. They did not expect the wife and kids to be there as the plot impies. The mother, in the script kicks their asses throughout the movie. 

But if this modern script was simply a remake, that also would not surprise me.

That's the one with Gabrielle Union. No, it's not a remake - the other one had Burt Reynolds teaching Casey Siemaszko to be a thief.

Boru

[Brian37]

The one I was just watching, was about a bunch of white guys breaking into a wealthy back family's house expecting, as the plot reveals, that nobody would be at home when they broke in. The intent of the white intruders was to get to the safe full of money. They did not expect the wife and kids to be there as the plot impies. The mother, in the script kicks their asses throughout the movie. 

But if this modern script was simply a remake, that also would not surprise me.

That's the one with Gabrielle Union. No, it's not a remake - the other one had Burt Reynolds teaching Casey Siemaszko to be a thief.

Boru

Not familair with the Burt Renolds reference you mentioned. 

I only remember Burt from the "Smokey And The Bandit" series.

I simply love the Gabrielle Union role in the modern movie. She kicks ass in that role.

[Angrboda]

[AkiraTheViking]

Firehouse Dog.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Those Who Wish Me Dead (2021). Solid performance by Angelina Jolie in an otherwise forgettable film. 5/10

Boru

[Rev. Rye]

Well, in commemoration of the CDC announcing a major breakthrough in the COVID-19 pandemic, this week in the Deep Hurting Project: Songbird, a movie with the dubious distinctions of being A) the first films in Hollywood to resume production after the initial COVID-19 shutdown, B) the first Hollywood film to directly deal with the pandemic, and C) the first Michael Bay film to actually be bad enough for the Deep Hurting Project*.

• 213 weeks of lockdown? So, I'm a few days away from my second jab, and the CDC recently said it might actually be safe to forego social distancing and masking if you're fully vaccinated. Fucking Hell, this movie isn't even six months old and it's already aging like wine. And by that, I mean it's turning into vinegar.
  
• So, anyone with a fever is taken to a quarantine zone? Even if they've got a fever for a different reason?
  
• Immunity passes? Anything like the vaccination cards that exist in reality?
  
• So, the introduction to this film is basically a series of infodumps like the audio montages at the beginning of Snowpiercer and Fury Road, and in addition to creating a bunch more shit that's clearly aging poorly, it seems designed to activate sensory overload. And somehow, we don't know why the Department of Sanitation is so fucking important.
  
• GodDAM, they've got a phone app to check for COVID. If only we knew how a fucking app could test for viruses.
  
• Would the populace need to be reminded that COVID-23 is airborne at this point?
  
• Why is there prejudice against those immune to COVID-23?
  
• Is that an orchestral cover of a DJ Spooky piece?
  
• And why the fuck is LA apparently the only place that's effected by COVID?
  
• Riding your bike indoors? Who the Christ thought that was a good idea? 
  
• "Ice Ice Baby?" That's an easy enough song to cover if you can sing the lyrics with a straight face. Just cycle G-D7-C-C. I knew some guys in high school who did exactly that for a high school concert.
  
• A white girl potentially covering Celia Cruz on a livestream? That sounds eclectic even for me.
  
• You know, you could probably get a better picture by plugging your DVD/Blu-Ray player into the TV. Just sayin'. Also, I feel like I should recognise what movie they're watching, but the closest thing I'm able to guess is maybe some Danny Kaye movie, but he doesn't really sound like him and it's in black and white and all the Danny Kaye films I knew were in colour. And evidently, IMDb doesn't give enough of a shit to figure out what it is (though they care enough to list a Tim Pool livestream that talks about it.) Okay, so after forcing myself to rewind it and searching the exact words they used, I eventually figured out it was Quicksand and Danny Kaye was actually Mickey Rooney. Frankly, in my film memory, everything between his collaborations with Judy Garland and his regrettable decision to don yellowface for Breakfast at Tiffany's is kind of a blur.
  
• Is that the bad guy? He looks like a cleaned-up version of the bad guy from Too Many Cooks. And, god-DAMN, they're really trying to channel The Purge.
  
• "This aching hurts like Hell." Those are actual lyrics.
  
• And we still have people randomly murdering sex workers even in this pandemic. Who the fuck am I kidding? Someone killed nine Asian women who were apparently sex workers a month and a half ago.
  
• So, there's this pandemic that's gotten so bad armed guards are taking people away who test positive (and apparently, anyone who lives with them). Your lover is living with someone who's tested positive. What dost thou deau? If you guessed smuggle her out and potentially causing an outbreak, conglaturation, you're as dumb as everyone else in this film.
  
• Well, it's nice to know the Armitages went from performing the Coagula on unsuspecting black people to apparently forging immunity passes. And, frankly, I'm not sure which is worse. I mean, sure, you've got the killing of dozens-plus of black people so you could put white people's brains in them on the one hand, but given how crucial immunity cuffs would seem to be in this horrible timeline, perhaps this  might be a bigger evil in the long run.
  
• What the fuck is the bad guy doing, making his best Scott Walker impersonation in a disused men's room?
  
• Most Americans think Puccini is a mushroom? You'd think he'd say it's a pasta. Puccini sounds more like a pasta.
  
• And who's the second ID for? Are they seriously trying to get an immunity bracelet for the infected grandma?
  
• Were you recording me?
  
  
  
• Why is nothing about this movie developed in any meaningful way?
  
• So, potentially immune people who are fine even though they'd be coughing up their lungs if they had the virus still get to go to the Q zone? How exactly does this work?
  
• So, the bad guy's the way he was because he was a garbage truck driver who ended up becoming this all-important guy because everyone else died.
  
• So, you're bringing someone who's potentially dangerous into a quarantine zone, and you're undermining trust in the immunity bracelets. Round of applause for this glurgey tribute to our essential workers.
  
• Also, do they legit not understand what a pandemic even is? There being no place to run to is kind of the point of the whole thing.
  

* Note: technically, the second one, since Michael Bay also produced Ouija, but, in addition to producing, he actually directed some of the action scenes in this one.