The Last Movie You Watched

[Gwaithmir]

[Angrboda]

[Fake Messiah]

Freeway (1996). An urban and very Tarantinoesque take on the fairy tale "Little Red Riding Hood".

The most interesting thing is how much the actors have immersed themselves in their roles, keeping this obscure movie vibrant. Kiefer Sutherland is the big bad Wolf, and Reese Witherspoon is the Red Riding Hood.

Too bad they didn't make the urban version of the Three Piglets in the 90s with Chris Farley, John Candy, and some other fatty actor.

[Angrboda]

Freeway (1996). An urban and very Tarantinoesque take on the fairy tale "Little Red Riding Hood".

The most interesting thing is how much the actors have immersed themselves in their roles, keeping this obscure movie vibrant. Kiefer Sutherland is the big bad Wolf, and Reese Witherspoon is the Red Riding Hood.

Too bad they didn't make the urban version of the Three Piglets in the 90s with Chris Farley, John Candy, and some other fatty actor.

Louie Anderson, straw house.

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project: Leprechaun: Origins. Frankly, all I know of the original series comes from quarter-remembered Cinema Snob videos and this scene from Wayne's World 2 I watched two decades ago:



I'd probably have watched the other films, but then I found out that the director of this didn't watch any of them either, so  I decided against it.

• Please tell me that blonde thing with grey skin isn't supposed to be a leprechaun. Fucking honestly, it's one thing that they didn't actually watch the other movies, but this fundamental lack of familiarity with the concept of a leprechaun seems like a new level of not giving a shit.
  
• Seriously, this is one of the least convincing "dragged away to be eaten by a monster" scenes I've ever watched.
  
• Why does Ireland look like Isla Nuba?
  
• A village is only 300 years old, but it hosts the largest collection of Celtic artifacts in the world. I can beat you: Chicago's only 190 years old and it's got one of the leading natural history museums, with some of the oldest fossils on the planet.
  
• Okay, I think they might have done a bit of research into what leprechauns looked like between the opening scene and the main feature.
  
• The Stones of the Gods? Why haven't I heard of any of this? Maybe it's because it's not real. The closest thing I cound find was the Giant's Causeway
  
• Cabin in the Woods. I'm sure that'd be a good movie title.
  
• Did he just call me a Nancy boy? They don't even know any better insults? Or at least anything with more local colour, like "Feckin' eejit?"
  
• Yep. The Gollum-looking creature from the opening is supposed to be the leprechaun.
  
• What the fuck is with these POV shots where it looks like the human form is just glowing? 
  
• Fun fact: the Leprechaun was played by former WWE wrestler Dylan "Hornswoggle" Postl. One of his gimmicks (due to his 4'5" stature) was to play a leprechaun character. You'd think that playing The Leprechaun would be a dream role. Unfortunately, he completely fucks it up:
  
  
  
  
  You might be thinking "But Reverend, maybe this is supposed to be a version of the leprechaun closer to its original depiction in Irish folklore." Well, I looked it up during one of the many dead spots, and I can say that's not the case. I'll go into more detail later, but I will say that, according to IMDb, this leprechaun was inspired (I shit you not) by naked mole-rats. Honestly, it would probably have been better if they just made a Banana Splits-style horror spinoff movie of Kim Possible where Rufus decided he wanted to kill everything.
• So, the Irish people are sending outsiders to a cabin in the woods to be fed to the leprechaun? This sounds like the backstory to Willy's Wonderland.  At least part of it, anyway. 
  
• Tuatha Dé Danann=Leprechaun? So, let me explain to you what I researched during the dead spots and commercial breaks of this piece of shit: the Tuatha Dé Danann are a supernatural race in Irish mythology which seems (in function) to correspond (at least somewhat) to the Gods of Olympus. Eventually, they evolved into the Aos Sí, an aggregate of creatures that I think seem to correspond to what we would call fairies. Some were reasonably nice, some were evil. The leprechaun is one of the Aos Sí (and a comparatively late addition to the lore), and in its traditional forms is more Chaotic Neutral than anything else. And by Chaotic neutral, I mean the worst thing it does is make practical jokes. Otherwise, it's a solitary creature who spends most of its time making and mending shoes. And aesthetically, the biggest difference between the popular image and the original folklore is that it wears red and not green. Maybe there's one creature that's closer to the animalistic abomination in this  movie, but I don't know what it is.
  
• You know what this movie needs? Nicolas Cage playing a possibly autistic man with a mandate to clean and a particular set of skills that could put Liam Neeson to shame. It's sad that we have a three-video-per-post limit so I could just add a Willy's Wonderland clip. It's a shame this movie isn't giving me much to work with. It's just a ripoff of Evil Dead with all the fun shit removed and a plot point that echoes a much better movie that would be made six years after this.
  
• Fuck you, Lucky Charms? Also, did they even talk about the Leprechaun's gold earlier?
  
• And somehow, the ending credits take up the last twelve minutes.
  

Next week:  Dylan Dog: Dead of Night.

[Mister Agenda]

One of the movies that made or warped my childhood.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

"Loaded Weapon". Silly movie.

[Silver]

Living

In 1950s London, a humorless bureaucrat decides to take time off work to experience life after receiving a grim diagnosis.

[Silver]

Code 8

A super-powered construction worker falls in with a group of criminals in order to raise the funds to help his ill mother.

[Silver]

Outside the Wire

In the near future, a drone pilot sent into a war zone finds himself paired with a top-secret android officer on a mission to stop a nuclear attack.