The Last Movie You Watched

[Disagreeable]

Dead Pool 2

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project's latest fit, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul. Between 2009 and 2011, 20th Century Fox released three movies based around the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series. I recently decided to watch them all, in preparation for this review, and they were actually pretty decent. Then, they decided to reboot the series five years later. IT makes sense that they'd replace the kids, especially since Zachary Gordon (who played Greg Heffley), by this point, would be, at the youngest, ready to graduate high school. But they decided to replace everyone else as well. And then, they chose, of all the books to adapt, the one where fans generally agree that things started to go downhill.

Other Notes:

• Well, at least they look like the cast of the original movie, at least except for Alicia Silverstone's Mrs. Heffley. It's like they decided all they needed to
  
• Way to include Corny's, but not include the one thing I remembered about it:
  
• This "it's a diaper" scene was just shit payoff. Especially since the original three movies kept the gross shit in line. 
  
• The scene where Greg sets up how much he loves playing video games more than more traditional kid activities was done so much better in Dog Days
  
• So, a Video Game expo is in the same state as MeeMaw's 90th birthday party. It's not like these states cover a shitton of ground.
  
• Owning a strange pet? A crazy hairstyle? These are questions for a guilty conscience?
  
• Wait, Manny's old enough for a pacifier? Isn't he canonically three?
  
• They have mini-safes in this Room 322-looking No Tell Motel room?
  
• Why is Rodrick, of all people, the one to point out how ridiculous the Bikini Armour trope is?
  
• How does nobody notice that Greg's clearly red, not orange?
  
• And why are the Heffley family so unfamiliar with Rodrick's Loded Diper music? Especially after this?
  
  
  And on that? Charlie Wright's version of Rodrick in this movie seems to have regressed as well. Especially given that the version from the original film trilogy actually undergoes character development that may as well have never happened in this version. But despite the #notmyrodrick controversy, somehow, the fact that Mrs. Heffley undergoes an extreme level of character derailment gets overshadowed. Like the fact that she's reached the point where all she cares about is getting to MeeMaw's house and controlling her family's devices. In fairness, by that point, she did get that hard.
• Better use of a Gravitron in a movie:
  
  
  And, by an extraordinay coincidence, I actually checked that movie from the library the same week as this one.
• Huh. Piggy's hacked into the minibar.
  
• Greg still hasn't figured out that sometimes, maps are at different scales?
  
• Well, what do you know; they play a clip from Sons of the Desert immediately before they lift a plot point directly from that movie.
  
• I can imagine crows being that smart, but not seagulls.
  
• Why the fuck does he have feet on both pedals? 
  
• Apparently, The Hills Have Eyes is canon to this movie.
  

And it looks like there's more movies to cover, so, I guess that in the coming weeks, we'll cover (In no particular order):
1) Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper
2) Drive Hard PROBABLY NEXT WEEK
3) Pressure Point

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project: Drive Hard, a movie that tries to remake Collateral, but as a buddy movie. If you don't see the problem here, don't worry, you will. 

• A school for racing, I'm not sure how much of a thing this is.
  
• You know, you'd think that somebody'd have told him that he doesn't need a new driver's license if he's just visiting another country. Even if it is Australia.
  
• And, come to think of it, why the fuck is this set in Australia if you're just going to make the leads Yanks anyway? Was Brian Trenchard-Smith feeling homesick?
  
• You know, if you're in this situation, the thing to do is not just shove the money in the robber's face and tell him to go, but to wait until he has to leave the car, drive away, and then call the cops once you're certain he's not going to catch up with you. Yes, I actually had to ask a lawyer about this. I wasn't in this situation, I just saw a story about an Uber driver who accidentally ended up an accessory to a robbery.
  
• So this bank they just robbed turned out to be corrupt as fuck. How morally convenient.
  
• Why does this Federal Investigator woman act like she's drunk?
  
• Normally, I love this bleach bypass cinematography, but in this case, it just makes John Cusack look like he's dying of cancer.
  
  
  Also, a major problem with the comedy: it's just not funny.
• So, they know the getaway car was stolen from a driving instructor's car. They know they took the driving instructor with him. So, is there a reason they're not assuming he might be a hostage? 
  
• They're just taking time out of their crime spree to repeatedly call the cops and explain that he's a hostage?
  
• I'm sure Thomas Jane's daughter's going to grow up and be a proud hybristophile. 
  
• You don't trust a living soul, do you? Well, he's a criminal futigive whose face is plastered all over the news and is in the middle of a major crime spree. The fuck do you think?
  
• Davos is seceding from Earth? You know, that's about the level of batshit I expect from the right-wingers who think the WEF is actually a lot more effectual than it actually is.
  
  
  Next week, I'm thinking Bigfoot vs D.B. Cooper.

[Nanny]

The White Orchid (2018) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3313182/ - I watched this because Nichelle Nichols was in it. This is a weird erotic noir about a shy investigator who adopts the persona, clothing, wigs, and sexual liberation of the person she is trying to identify. It was a tough watch. Very slow moving and tbh eroticism isn't a genre I care for. It seems creepy in this one because heroine morphs into someone deceased, whose corpse was mutilated. Plenty of plot twists as a noir does but they require such departure from reality that plausibility is laughed out of the room. A long two hours.

[brewer]

Dog Eat Dog: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dog_Eat_Dog_(2016_film)

[brewer]

Wildling: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wildling_(film)

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Once Upon A Time In The West (1968)

Probably Sergio Leone’s best film (sorry, Clint).

For a man who couldn’t act his way out of a wet paper sack, Charles Bronson had an amazing screen presence.

Boru

[Silver]

Pearl

In 1918, a young woman on the brink of madness pursues stardom in a desperate attempt to escape the drudgery, isolation, and lovelessness of life on her parents' farm.

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project: Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper. It's another David DeCoteau film, this time, it's apparently going to feature famous  pseudonymous airline hijacker D.B. Cooper and Sasquatch.

• Somehow, I get the impression that this guy who looks like a low-rent version of Jacob from Twilight isn't  going to be a younger version of Eric Roberts.
  
• It's seven minutes in, and once the Eric Roberts monologue stops, it's just footage of Not-Jacob hiking shirtless in the woods over the sound of what I think is supposed to be Bigfoot growling. 
  
• What do you know, we actually get a change when Bigfoot shows up. And appaently, he got the Carpet Sample Fursuit guy to play him.
  
• And apparently, this is supposed to be D.B. Cooper, the guy who Hijacked a 727, and managed to jump out of it with $200,000 and nobody ever catching it.
  
• Why do I get the feeling that this stock footage of an airport isn't going to be accurate to 1971?
  
• My God! He's got a bunch of paper towel rolls tied together with twine, wire, and a clock face!
  
  
  
  
• Look, I know that, especially post-9/11, you're probably not going to get away with doing a D.B. Cooper movie on the budget of a twinkie, so, maybe just get a greenscreen?
  
• Okay, apparently, Not-Jacob has another shirtless friend to run with while Bigfoot growls.
  
• Ah, we're back at the DeCoteau home. And now, it's the home of a bunch of guys, only one of which seems to own a shirt. 
  
• Okay, why the fuck is Bigfoot reacting to this guy just posing with his rifle in his underwear?
  
• Huh. This guy also owns a shirt, even if it is just a tank top. I guess that's two out of six.
  
• Seriously, I've lost track of how much time I've spent watching this guy pose with his gun in his underwear. 
  
• Are they implying that Bigfoot's in civilization now?
  
• Wait, this kid was apparently a Vietnam veteran?
  
• Okay, most of this movie's just been fanservice: just shirtless guys hiking in the woods, a guy in his underwear posing with guns, and now a dude showering.
  
• Did Bigfoot just punch that guy out while he was in the shower?
  
• And now we're back to the D.B. Cooper subplot and we're just over half an hour away from the end.
  
• How was he on the ground when he wouldn't let anyone else leave the plane?
  
• Those aren't turkey bones!
  
• Is Bigfoot just going to fondle this guy's skin? 
  
• Actually, the consensus is that D.B. Cooper probably died once he made it to Earth.
  
• Wait, did they just imply that Bigfoot  was actually one of the shirtless guys?  And why are we still hearing Bigfoot growls? 
  
• Wait, Bigfoot works on Werewolf rules now? 
  

Next week,Pressure Point.

[Nanny]

Borslanio & Co. (1974) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borsalino_%26_Co. - A French gangster vendetta film with a weak plot and stiff acting. I didn't know this was a sequel until after I watched it. Plot and acting aside, I enjoyed the artistry of the film. Set in 1930's Marseille with an undercurrent of fascism and rich art deco sets with vibrant colors and textures, each shot is crafted artfully. The Pullman coach had some of the most luscious designs - even the upholstery and light fixtures were lovely - and the brothel, casino, and theater scenes are tableaux of pure deco goodness. The director likes framing his actors behind windows, which gets a little silly after a while, but he also uses uncomfortable angles and peep-hole perspective to frame the wooden players. The offing of the baddie - feeding him headfirst into a locomotive fire box - was something I had never seen nor thought of before. And given the title, the hats are impressive. I will try to find the original Borsalino to compare.

My homage to Alain Delon