Jokes

[Minimalist]

Whenever a baby was born to this outback African tribe it was cause for great celebration and merriment as the future of the tribe would continue to survive. However, on the last occasion there was a bit of concern as the baby was white and the only person around for 500 miles that was white was the missionary.

The Chief calls him into his hut and explains the problem and highlights his accusation. The Missionary is put on the spot and slowly strokes his chin, thinking. " I see your dilema Oh great Chief. Come with me. " They go outside and over to the sheep pen. "You see all these sheep here? They are all white except that one over there that’s black. I’ll do a deal with you. You don’t say anything about the kid and I won’t tell anyone about the sheep, okay ?"

[Silver]

[Something completely different]

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None.

What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.

What's white on top and black on bottom? Society

[Full Circle]

Ten most Polite Ways to Say Your Zipper Is Down.........

10.The cucumber has left the salad.

9.Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.

8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

7. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson..

6.Elvis is leaving the building.

5.The Buick is not all the way in the garage.

4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.

3.You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

2. Men may be From Mars.....but I can see something that rhymes with Venus.


And the#1way to tell someone his zipper is unzipped.....


1. I always knew you were crazy, but now I can see your nuts.

[Minimalist]

Q. What was the First Commandment?

A. "Adam, eat my pussy."

[NoraBrimstone]

Two scientists walk into a bar

The first scientist says ‘I’ll have a glass of H2O.” The second scientist says ‘I’ll have a glass of water too. Wh… why did you say H2O? Like, I know it’s the chemical formula for water and all, but it’s the end of the day and there’s really no need to intentionally over-complicate things like that in a situation outside of work”

The first scientist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plan has failed.

[Waratah]

Two scientists walk into a bar

The first scientist says ‘I’ll have a glass of H2O.” The second scientist says ‘I’ll have a glass of water too. Wh… why did you say H2O? Like, I know it’s the chemical formula for water and all, but it’s the end of the day and there’s really no need to intentionally over-complicate things like that in a situation outside of work”

The first scientist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plan has failed.

I had to re-read it a quite few times before I got. Giving myself a clap for actually getting it.

[Silver]

I had to re-read it a quite few times before I got. Giving myself a clap for actually getting it.

I have been puzzling over it for days, since I saw it on Facebook, and I still have not figured it out.

I had to do a Google search.

Joke spoiler:

---

The second scientist was supposed to state I'll have H20, too, H202 is Hydrogen Peroxide.

---

[Mystical]

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

NONE. THEY JUST BEAT THE ROOM UP FOR BEIN BLACK.

[Minimalist]

Mrs. Murphy and Mrs. Cohen had been long time close friends. But, being old-fashioned, each went to a retirement home of her own respective religion.

It was not long before Mrs. Murphy felt very lonesome for Mrs. Cohen, so one day she asked to be driven to the Jewish Home to visit her old friend.

When she arrived she was greeted with open arms, hugs, and kisses. Mrs. Murphy said, "Don't be holdin' back, Mrs. Cohen, how do you like it here?"

Mrs. Cohen went on and on about the wonderful food, the facility and the care takers. Then, with a twinkle in her eye, she said, "But the best thing is that I now have a boyfriend."

Mrs. Murphy said, "Now isn't that wonderful! Tell me all about it."

Mrs. Cohen said, "After lunch we go up to my room and sit on the edge of the bed. I let him touch me on the top, and then on the bottom, and then we sing Jewish songs."

Mrs. Murphy said, "For sure it's a blessing. I'm so glad for you, Mrs. Cohen."

Mrs. Cohen said, "And how is it with you, Mrs. Murphy?"

Mrs. Murphy said it was also wonderful at her new facility, and that she also had a boyfriend.

Mrs. Cohen said, "Good for you! So what do you do?

Mrs. Murphy says, "We also go up to my room after lunch and sit on the edge of the bed. I let him touch me on top, and then I let him touch me down below."

Mrs. Cohen said, "Yes? And then....?"

Mrs. Murphy said.... "Well, since we don't know any Jewish songs, we fuck."