LET THERE BE HUMOR. Creation According to The Flying Spaghetti Monster (NIV)
August 14, 2013 at 5:12 pm
Genesis Chapter ONE......
In the beginning Pasta created the noodle and the meatball. Now the menu was formless and flat, nothing was over the surface of the plate, and the Spirit of Pasta was air drying over the void. And Pasta said’ “Let there be garlic,” and there was garlic. Pasta saw that garlic was good, and he separated the clove from the bulb. Pasta called the garlic “yummy,” and the taste he called “badass.” And there was wine, and there was parmesan cheese - the first day.
And Pasta said, “Let there be glass between the wines to separate the red from the white.” So Pasta made the bottle and separated the wine that was red from the wine that was white. And it was so. Pasta called the red “Chianti,” and the white he called "Pinot Grigio." And there was music, and there were babes - The second day.
And Pasta said, “Let wine in the bottle be poured into one glass, and let it pair well.” And it was so. Pasta called the pairing “excellent,” and the poured wine he called “soooo good.” And Pasta saw that it was soooo good.
Then Pasta said, “Let the noodle produce neat shapes; Spaghetti, Vermicelli, and Linguini, according to their various kinds.” And it was so. The noodles bore shapes according to their kinds and their shapes were of their own kind according to personal tastes. And Pasta saw that it was good. And there was Lasagna, and there was Penne - The third Day.
And Pasta said, “Let there be party lights hung al-fresco, and let them serve as signs to mark where to eat, and let them give warm ambient radiance upon the table.” And it was so. Pasta made two great shade awnings - the greater for use during the day, and the lesser for use at night as a wind cover. He also made red and white checkered tablecloths. Pasta set the table under the awnings where the party lights were hung, to permit a cozy environment, and to allow for grubbin down. And Pasta saw that it was good. And there was bread, and there was olive oil - The fourth day.
And Pasta said “Let the sauce teem with ingredients, and let the spices be bold.” So Pasta created the great seasonings of the sauce and every yummy and delicious thing with which the sauce teems, according to their flavors, and every delicate subtlety according to its kind. And Pasta saw that it was good. Pasta blessed them and said, “Be extraordinary and increase in complexity as you simmer, and let no tomato skins be found within you.” And there was aroma, and there was hunger - The fifth day.
And Pasta said, “Let those who dine find all goodness within the sauce and the noodle, and let them pay compliments unto the greatness thereof,” And it was so. Pasta made satisfaction come to those who were dining, Atheists, Jews, Catholics, Muslims, and each of the 37,000 differing denominations of Christians, all according to their unique kind. And it was so. And Pasta saw that it was good. And Pasta said to the noodle and the meatball and the sauce, “Let us combine ourselves, and become one recipe, and let those who have eaten of us desire us over all of the other recipes in creation.” So Pasta created other recipes in this same style, in the image of Pasta he made them all; every Pasta recipe.
Pasta blessed them and said to them, “Be various, and increase in number; to fill the menu, and dominate it. Rule over the cuisines of the land; all other cooking styles; Asian, Greek, French and so on.” Then Pasta said, “ I give you every option you may desire, With less sauce; with extra; with garlic and cheese, or without.” Pasta saw all that it had made, and it was very good. And there was eating, and there was satiation - The sixth day.
Thus the menu was dominated, and fulfilled with it’s vast array of selections.
By the seventh day, Pasta had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day, he cracked a bottle of merlot, and rested from all his work. And Pasta blessed the seventh day, and made it to the wine cellar for a second bottle, because on it, he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.
In the beginning Pasta created the noodle and the meatball. Now the menu was formless and flat, nothing was over the surface of the plate, and the Spirit of Pasta was air drying over the void. And Pasta said’ “Let there be garlic,” and there was garlic. Pasta saw that garlic was good, and he separated the clove from the bulb. Pasta called the garlic “yummy,” and the taste he called “badass.” And there was wine, and there was parmesan cheese - the first day.
And Pasta said, “Let there be glass between the wines to separate the red from the white.” So Pasta made the bottle and separated the wine that was red from the wine that was white. And it was so. Pasta called the red “Chianti,” and the white he called "Pinot Grigio." And there was music, and there were babes - The second day.
And Pasta said, “Let wine in the bottle be poured into one glass, and let it pair well.” And it was so. Pasta called the pairing “excellent,” and the poured wine he called “soooo good.” And Pasta saw that it was soooo good.
Then Pasta said, “Let the noodle produce neat shapes; Spaghetti, Vermicelli, and Linguini, according to their various kinds.” And it was so. The noodles bore shapes according to their kinds and their shapes were of their own kind according to personal tastes. And Pasta saw that it was good. And there was Lasagna, and there was Penne - The third Day.
And Pasta said, “Let there be party lights hung al-fresco, and let them serve as signs to mark where to eat, and let them give warm ambient radiance upon the table.” And it was so. Pasta made two great shade awnings - the greater for use during the day, and the lesser for use at night as a wind cover. He also made red and white checkered tablecloths. Pasta set the table under the awnings where the party lights were hung, to permit a cozy environment, and to allow for grubbin down. And Pasta saw that it was good. And there was bread, and there was olive oil - The fourth day.
And Pasta said “Let the sauce teem with ingredients, and let the spices be bold.” So Pasta created the great seasonings of the sauce and every yummy and delicious thing with which the sauce teems, according to their flavors, and every delicate subtlety according to its kind. And Pasta saw that it was good. Pasta blessed them and said, “Be extraordinary and increase in complexity as you simmer, and let no tomato skins be found within you.” And there was aroma, and there was hunger - The fifth day.
And Pasta said, “Let those who dine find all goodness within the sauce and the noodle, and let them pay compliments unto the greatness thereof,” And it was so. Pasta made satisfaction come to those who were dining, Atheists, Jews, Catholics, Muslims, and each of the 37,000 differing denominations of Christians, all according to their unique kind. And it was so. And Pasta saw that it was good. And Pasta said to the noodle and the meatball and the sauce, “Let us combine ourselves, and become one recipe, and let those who have eaten of us desire us over all of the other recipes in creation.” So Pasta created other recipes in this same style, in the image of Pasta he made them all; every Pasta recipe.
Pasta blessed them and said to them, “Be various, and increase in number; to fill the menu, and dominate it. Rule over the cuisines of the land; all other cooking styles; Asian, Greek, French and so on.” Then Pasta said, “ I give you every option you may desire, With less sauce; with extra; with garlic and cheese, or without.” Pasta saw all that it had made, and it was very good. And there was eating, and there was satiation - The sixth day.
Thus the menu was dominated, and fulfilled with it’s vast array of selections.
By the seventh day, Pasta had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day, he cracked a bottle of merlot, and rested from all his work. And Pasta blessed the seventh day, and made it to the wine cellar for a second bottle, because on it, he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.
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