Quick question: How do I deal with children?

[Rob]

I live in a flat of 6. There's me, my friend, my sister, a quiet girl and two people who are really really making it very hard to live with them. I just don't understand. Last week before I went home I cleaned the communal area. Hoovered, mopped up, wiped down the surfaces and generally made things smell nice. except one sink which has been used exclusivity by the two people and a pile of boxes which belong to one of the two people. I left a couple of notes asking that these be cleared up and I left the flat on friday afternoon.
I come back today (monday morning), the sink is slightly better, the boxes are still there. But they've left a note on facebook:

could kill one of these halfwit motherfucking retards right now.

Now what a funny way to show gratitude. I've no idea what to say to that or how to proceed. They dont seem to think they have a responsibility to clean up after themselves. Its really starting to piss me off.

[fr0d0]

Leaving notes always seems to rile people, except if you really know the person well and know their actual meaning. Still I'd say they only work for positive messages and not negative ones. Yeh they're being retards by the FB message. All you can do is kill them with kindness and hope they pull their weight. If you can't put up with their attitude there's not much you can do to change it in my experience. Someone has to go.

[Eilonnwy]

I've had two very different roommate experiences before moving back in with my mom to help her keep the house. The first situation was with two close friends and we were always open with each other so we could approach each other about issues. It was a nice living situation except sharing a room, especially when she got a boyfriend. It was intended to be temporary anyway.

I eventually found a place on craigslist and moved in with strangers. One, who happened to have the same name as me, we got along fairly well. The other, she was a slob and there were issues. We didn't have a dishwasher, so dishes would pile up. I didn't cook often, so my contribution would often be minimal, but we had a way of just cleaning all the dishes at random intervals and usually everyone cleaned them all at some point.

Then I got sick for a week and the other girl didn't do anything, (In fact, if I remember correctly I had just developed lactose intolerance at the time and didn't know what it was, so I was throwing up every other meal. Not. Fun.) So Jackie got pissed off and reacted by removing all her dishes and took some of mine as a result, thinking they were hers, which in turn pissed me off. When I asked her where the dishes went she said no one was cleaning so she took hers. Of course to me this was childish, because I'm used to people telling me about issues and not using this passive aggressive manner. I was furious but I calmed down my thoughts, wrote a reasonable email to her and came up with a plan to address it. We brought the slob roommate into the discussion and things were generally better.

My piece of advice is to get everyone involved. First, talk to the roommates who you feel comfortable with and discuss the problem. Second, decide how best to approach the other roommates. Third, come up with a cleaning schedule that suits everyone. Lastly, approach the roommates as a group. That will always come across better than an individual, because if it's just you it's perceived as "That guy is an asshole", if it's a group, then it's more likely to be perceived as "Maybe there is a problem here" and the problem people might be more willing to listen and participate.

I hope my advice helps.

[Secularone]

I would recommend focusing on the fact that the most important thing in life is happiness, yours.
If you are capable of shrugging off the disappointments.. fine, do so.

If not, I would recommend searching for happiness elsewhere.

[Amphora]

My piece of advice is to get everyone involved. First, talk to the roommates who you feel comfortable with and discuss the problem. Second, decide how best to approach the other roommates. Third, come up with a cleaning schedule that suits everyone. Lastly, approach the roommates as a group. That will always come across better than an individual, because if it's just you it's perceived as "That guy is an asshole", if it's a group, then it's more likely to be perceived as "Maybe there is a problem here" and the problem people might be more willing to listen and participate.

I hope my advice helps.

Good advice Eilonnwy. I agree with you, talk to your roommates when issues arise. Don't leave notes.

Amp

[Oldandeasilyconfused]

[quote='rjh' pid='36589' dateline='1254740733']
I left a couple of notes asking that these be cleared up and I left the flat on friday afternoon.

could kill one of these halfwit motherfucking retards right now.

I shared for several years before buying my first house. I'm neat and fairly clean. Some of my flatmates were neither.Problem? I SPOKE TO them; I NEVER left notes.

Rule of thumb: Make sure the rules are clearly understood BEFORE you or they move in .Do not assume people share your values or have the slightest interest in meeting your expectations. IF people can't or will not meet agreed rules,your choices are; talk to them,ignore the rules broken or move out. Leaving notes indicates the social skills of a chicken and is an invitation for some one to punch you in the mouth.


Grow up.

[Rob]

Talked it through, apparently they were unaware I cleaned the flat (one would think the heavy smell of bleach would be a subtle hint) and thought the note was just me bossing them about.

[fr0d0]

There we go. Conclusion: notes iz EVIL!!!

[Rob]

Well.

Notes iz evil and can often be void of all context.

[Eilonnwy]

Plain text is notoriously bad for conveying context.