Adopting Children of Another Race

[Shell B]

So, adoption is a topic that comes up in my family a lot because of various personal reasons. I often see mixed-race families, have friends from mixed-race families, and I see people's reactions to those families. I obviously know that most of you think of it as a non-issue. A family is a family to a kid who needs one, right? Well, that doesn't always seem to be the sentiment. I've seen people say that white people with children of another race have these children as "accessories." They seem genuinely offended by the idea that white people would adopt a child of another race. Then, of course, there is the question of the impact on the child. Is it negligible? Well, plenty of kids have a white parent and a black parent. Why not two white parents and their own dark skin? Do you think there's a difference? I can see it making the adoption situation rather obvious, which could suck, but other than that, what's the harm?

The thing is, it doesn't appear to me that you have to go actively seeking a child of another race for you to wind up with one. I think some people certainly look for children of a certain ethnicity for some emotional reason or another, which is fine, but I've found that, especially in the U.S., kids up for adoption are a mixed bag. If you want the kid who fits your family, you're going to wind up with a Skittles rainbow of skin tone to "choose" from. I think you can innocently enough wind up the parent of a kid who looks remarkably different from you. My point being that most parents who consider adoption aren't thinking of race but rather of filling in the blanks in their family. The problem isn't with them but with people who would criticize them. Still, those parents have to deal with those people and the child will eventually have to as well. Is that enough reason to adopt within your own race? Is there enough pain in having white parents when you're a different color that foster kids would rather wait for the right brown parents to come along? I suppose it's something to talk to an adoption expert about, but I'd be interested to see what the riff-raff here have to say about it.

[zebo-the-fat]

Never been involved in adoption but I don't see why skin colour matters any more than hair or eye colour.

[Shell B]

That's precisely how I feel, but I've spent time in the "adoption community" online so to speak, and I see an awful lot of vitriol about it. I'm particularly interested in finding out what kind of impact it has on the adopted children, if any. I hear a lot about "oh, but their culture." I don't understand that noise. If you're raised in a certain place by certain people, that's your culture. And, no parent is fully in tune with their kids, particularly teens. It's not like teen and middle-age culture often aligns.

In my area, most of the kids up for adoption are Latino, black or a mixture of various ethnicities. I can't imagine skipping over any because of race. It seems like that's what some people would have you do, in order to preserve their "culture," and not treat them like "accessories." I don't get their reasoning. Maybe someone has a valid argument for this. I've yet to see it.

[Anomalocaris]

That's precisely how I feel, but I've spent time in the "adoption community" online so to speak, and I see an awful lot of vitriol about it. I'm particularly interested in finding out what kind of impact it has on the adopted children, if any. I hear a lot about "oh, but their culture." I don't understand that noise. If you're raised in a certain place by certain people, that's your culture. And, no parent is fully in tune with their kids, particularly teens. It's not like teen and middle-age culture often aligns.

In my area, most of the kids up for adoption are Latino, black or a mixture of various ethnicities. I can't imagine skipping over any because of race. It seems like that's what some people would have you do, in order to preserve their "culture," and not treat them like "accessories." I don't get their reasoning. Maybe someone has a valid argument for this. I've yet to see it.

“Their” culture? They have no culture. Culture is something they acquire during their upbringing. They have not been brought up yet.

[The Grand Nudger]

I have enough trouble not strangling my own flesh and blood......I'd make a terrible adoptive parent.  That said, I don't think that the shittiness of others is going to factor too prominently in the choice of a person who would be a good adoptive parent, or that it should. Normal circumstances, though. I guess if you lived in the heart of klan kountry it might not be a good idea to import a black kid into your white family?

[vorlon13]

My 'peer' group has aged out of the time they'd consider adopting kids long ago. I'm aware of a few younger gay couples who've adopted but I just can't recall if any are interracial or not and I'd be profoundly annoyed if they were and anyone was hassling them about it. I know a couple who adopted a brother and a sister, but I've never met the kids so don't know about them (or really care, their bio parents were abusive dopers, their lives are infinitely better now). I know how badly they were wanted though from all I heard about how much they had to spend on lawyers to accomplish it.

Would the South Park episode that explores Butter's Hawaiian roots/culture/heritage be relevant to the topic ?

[Edwardo Piet]

I don't get it. Of course skin color doesn't matter. I think I'm not understanding. Do you mean it might affect them because other people would wrongly judge them?

[Antares]

It shouldn’t matter what others think. What matters is the child knowing that you love her or him. Everything else should fall into place.

[Shell B]

That's precisely how I feel, but I've spent time in the "adoption community" online so to speak, and I see an awful lot of vitriol about it. I'm particularly interested in finding out what kind of impact it has on the adopted children, if any. I hear a lot about "oh, but their culture." I don't understand that noise. If you're raised in a certain place by certain people, that's your culture. And, no parent is fully in tune with their kids, particularly teens. It's not like teen and middle-age culture often aligns.

In my area, most of the kids up for adoption are Latino, black or a mixture of various ethnicities. I can't imagine skipping over any because of race. It seems like that's what some people would have you do, in order to preserve their "culture," and not treat them like "accessories." I don't get their reasoning. Maybe someone has a valid argument for this. I've yet to see it.

“Their” culture?  They have no culture.  Culture is something they acquire during their upbringing.  They have not been brought up yet.

Yes, I understand that. I'm saying it's a criticism I hear about it. I believe their contention is that children should be brought up in the culture of their ancestors, as if anyone is doing that anyway.

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I have enough trouble not strangling my own flesh and blood......I'd make a terrible adoptive parent.  That said, I don't think that the shittiness of others is going to factor too prominently in the choice of a person who would be a good adoptive parent, or that it should.  Normal circumstances, though.  I guess if you lived in the heart of klan kountry it might not be a good idea to import a black kid into your white family?

I've only ever seen people of the adopted kid's heritage complain about this, so I'd be more worried about adopting a Chinese kid and living in Chinatown. That's the type of objection I'm specifically referring to, and do people think it adversely affects the kid. Actually, more specifically, what do kids brought up in families like this think?

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My 'peer' group has aged out of the time they'd consider adopting kids long ago.  I'm aware of a few younger gay couples who've adopted but I just can't recall if any are interracial or not and I'd be profoundly annoyed if they were and anyone was hassling them about it.  I know a couple who adopted a brother and a sister, but I've never met the kids so don't know about them (or really care, their bio parents were abusive dopers, their lives are infinitely better now).  I know how badly they were wanted though from all I heard about how much they had to spend on lawyers to accomplish it.  

Would the South Park episode that explores Butter's Hawaiian roots/culture/heritage be relevant to the topic ?

Maybe. I've never seen it. I'll have to check it out.

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I don't get it. Of course skin color doesn't matter. I think I'm not understanding. Do you mean it might affect them because other people would wrongly judge them?

Sort of. That, and do those children sometimes have negative feelings about it later in life? Do these opinions affect them? Do they themselves resent not having more of their racial heritage in their lives? Do they not care and are just happy to have a loving family? I'm curious about all of these things.

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It shouldn’t matter what others think. What matters is the child knowing that you love her or him. Everything else should fall into place.

Ideally, yes.

[Minimalist]

Has anyone ever done a psychological study on the impact on the kids?