Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: March 28, 2024, 2:25 pm

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
a New Way to Deal with an Old Problem
#1
a New Way to Deal with an Old Problem
She’s my mother. You’re supposed to love your mother. But whenever she talks about coming to town, my first thought is “No.” I remember how she tried to bully me in my own house when she was here two years ago. When they didn’t work, she went back to California talking about she left because I was angry. I thought that was cute.

Now she’s back in Texas for my nephew’s high school graduation. In the last month she has started two arguments with me over the phone. I’ve known this woman for half a century. She’s not the kind of person who will let something go when a person makes it clear they don’t want to talk about it. She will take the subject of those arguments as ammunition. They say it takes two to tangle, but if I avoid the issue, she’ll keep after me about it. So that’s not an option.

I just don’t want to be around her. She was hostile toward me the last time she was here. That’s a terrible way to feel about your mother. At 53, I should know how to deal with my mother by now. But I don’t. She has raised me to think of anger as a character flaw. I finally realized why she does this. See when she’s wrong about something, she’ll do things that would make anybody else angry. I’ve always suppressed my anger, but she still accuses me of being angry. That way she can focus on my anger and distract attention away from the fact that she is wrong. The first time I got really angry at her was more than thirty years ago when I was in my late teens and she threatened to hit me with my baby sister’s roller skate. Something inside me clicked and I went off on her, verbally. Since then, I’ve only lost control of my tongue with her once, and that was more than ten years ago.

I’m tired of handling this like a little girl, through avoidance and exercising my Miranda rights. It’s not working. Why can’t I just come out and tell her to respect me in my house or stay away? I keep thinking of the way she will respond to that. I keep thinking it will hurt her. She’s 73 years old. Part of me thinks she won’t be able to handle honest feelings when she has trained me all my life to suppress them. I'll really have to fight to get the words out of my mouth and not wait ten years for something to click and have then pour out in a flood of frustration.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.

I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.

Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire

Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
Reply
#2
RE: a New Way to Deal with an Old Problem
I feel for you. I don't know what you can do about it though, apart from just agreeing with everything she says.




Reply
#3
RE: a New Way to Deal with an Old Problem
You've handled it for 53 years. So handle it some more.
Reply
#4
RE: a New Way to Deal with an Old Problem
You're supposed to love your mother? When did that shit start?
Reply
#5
RE: a New Way to Deal with an Old Problem
Quote: You’re supposed to love your mother.

The key word is "supposed."  Sometimes suppositions are not possible.  Tell her you ARE angry and she can go to hell.  You're far too old to still be putting up with her childish bullshit and manipulation.

You that "honor thy father and mother" stuff is just bullshit, too.
Reply
#6
RE: a New Way to Deal with an Old Problem
Make sarcasm your friend and learn to laugh at her. And make sure she knows that you're laughing at her.
I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem.
Reply
#7
RE: a New Way to Deal with an Old Problem
(June 11, 2018 at 1:14 pm)mh.brewer Wrote: Make sarcasm your friend and learn to laugh at her. And make sure she knows that you're laughing at her.

Oh yeah. Guess what, mom? God healed me. Now I can hear a gnat pissing on cotton and see the boogers up an ant's nose. Neat trick.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.

I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.

Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire

Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
Reply
#8
RE: a New Way to Deal with an Old Problem
(June 11, 2018 at 5:49 pm)Rhondazvous Wrote:
(June 11, 2018 at 1:14 pm)mh.brewer Wrote: Make sarcasm your friend and learn to laugh at her. And make sure she knows that you're laughing at her.

Oh yeah. Guess what, mom? God healed me. Now I can hear a gnat pissing on cotton and see the boogers up an ant's nose. Neat trick.

Still a little angry but a good start.
I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem.
Reply
#9
RE: a New Way to Deal with an Old Problem
Love and respect are two way streets. Just because someone is related to you doesn’t mean you need to pledge an oath of undying respect. She should learn to respect you, if she seeks it in return.
Reply
#10
RE: a New Way to Deal with an Old Problem
(June 12, 2018 at 10:52 am)*Deidre* Wrote: Love and respect are two way streets. Just because someone is related to you doesn’t mean you need to pledge an oath of undying respect. She should learn to respect you, if she seeks it in return.



The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.

I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.

Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire

Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
Reply



Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  The right way to be and the wrong way to be Ahriman 57 4500 April 29, 2022 at 9:23 am
Last Post: Angrboda
  Ever been treated this way? Strange Vague Story. Disagreeable 18 1117 January 31, 2022 at 1:42 pm
Last Post: Disagreeable
  Cold - either way. onlinebiker 12 610 January 23, 2021 at 8:15 pm
Last Post: Gawdzilla Sama
  The proper way to breastfeed in public Foxaèr 21 1765 April 21, 2019 at 7:29 am
Last Post: Gawdzilla Sama
  On my way now... Brian37 53 2878 March 30, 2019 at 7:13 pm
Last Post: fredd bear
  Deal alert -- just bought The God Delusion for $3.73 Jehanne 5 718 March 16, 2019 at 12:57 am
Last Post: Peterkin
  Surreal day on the job...more of the same on the way. arewethereyet 75 5038 March 7, 2019 at 1:50 am
Last Post: Godscreated
  How to deal with crooked people onlinebiker 54 7338 January 22, 2019 at 3:19 am
Last Post: onlinebiker
  I remember way back when..... Brian37 23 1986 January 9, 2019 at 8:40 am
Last Post: Gawdzilla Sama
  For those who understand the law better than me (would you want it this way too?) Foxaèr 9 1150 July 27, 2018 at 6:24 pm
Last Post: Angrboda



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)