Raised Catholic I was baptised at a young age and never really understood what a personal relationship with Jesus was. After all, the Catholics don't worship Jesus and ignore blatant statements in the bible such as;
"1 Timothy 4 1-3 1The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. 2Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. 3They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth."
What?! Obviously the Catholic code that priests cannot marry and how during Lent, where we cannot consume meat on Fridays violate the very Bible. So I renounced my Catholicism and called myself "christian".
Fast forward 9 years and I was in an addiction that was the same length of time respectively. I had been in and out of jail and to prison twice. Cocaine and meth had destroyed my life. I had tried everything to break the addiction and not even two years in prison did it. I figured God had to be the only way out of the darkness. After an attempt on suicide failed, I asked God to take my addiction away and I would forever serve His kingdom. I felt a rush of peace that I cannot explain to this day, however I no longer feel it was divine. I began attending church, playing in a worship band, became a leader and worshiped with my hands held high. I began to search atheistic forums and youtube videos in an attempt to save their souls. I was "on fire" for God and there was nothing that could pluck me out of His mighty hand. A close friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer and she would be faithfully at church every week with her hands held high, even after receiving chemo. I prayed and prayed for God to heal her. I was on my knees praying so hard that tears would stream down my face. Others were praying as hard. She was taken to healers and I was sure God would glorify himself through her healing. After she died I began to study the Bible in an attempt to disprove non-believers claims of contradictions in the Word. Over a period of 8 months, my understanding of scripture became clearer as my christianity dissolved. I became angry that I was lied to and studied the Bible more than ever trying to prove God to myself. But 2+2=4 no matter which way you look at it. It took me some time to accept the fact that I'll never see my loved ones again and that one day I will just cease to exist. That still scares me today. But I would rather live with a personal relationship to reality than live a life of false hope.
"1 Timothy 4 1-3 1The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. 2Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. 3They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth."
What?! Obviously the Catholic code that priests cannot marry and how during Lent, where we cannot consume meat on Fridays violate the very Bible. So I renounced my Catholicism and called myself "christian".
Fast forward 9 years and I was in an addiction that was the same length of time respectively. I had been in and out of jail and to prison twice. Cocaine and meth had destroyed my life. I had tried everything to break the addiction and not even two years in prison did it. I figured God had to be the only way out of the darkness. After an attempt on suicide failed, I asked God to take my addiction away and I would forever serve His kingdom. I felt a rush of peace that I cannot explain to this day, however I no longer feel it was divine. I began attending church, playing in a worship band, became a leader and worshiped with my hands held high. I began to search atheistic forums and youtube videos in an attempt to save their souls. I was "on fire" for God and there was nothing that could pluck me out of His mighty hand. A close friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer and she would be faithfully at church every week with her hands held high, even after receiving chemo. I prayed and prayed for God to heal her. I was on my knees praying so hard that tears would stream down my face. Others were praying as hard. She was taken to healers and I was sure God would glorify himself through her healing. After she died I began to study the Bible in an attempt to disprove non-believers claims of contradictions in the Word. Over a period of 8 months, my understanding of scripture became clearer as my christianity dissolved. I became angry that I was lied to and studied the Bible more than ever trying to prove God to myself. But 2+2=4 no matter which way you look at it. It took me some time to accept the fact that I'll never see my loved ones again and that one day I will just cease to exist. That still scares me today. But I would rather live with a personal relationship to reality than live a life of false hope.
![[Image: CheerUp_zps63df8a6b.jpg]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=i1118.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fk619%2Fjcincain%2FArt%2520Vault%2FCheerUp_zps63df8a6b.jpg)
![[Image: bbb59Ce.gif]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=i.imgur.com%2Fbbb59Ce.gif)
