Epic/Crappy Moments on the Job

[Walking Void]

Do You currently have, or have had, a job? Employer or employee, I have a request for You. Share your most epic or most crappy memories on the job for us to circlejerk to, or laugh at... or circlejerk while laughing... or neither because the deployment of the story (or the story itself) sucked.

I have an epic story to share. Actually, it is so crappy, it HAS to be epic. OK. So imagine this:

You were a cashier at a drug store, having a pretty neutral day, and at the moment there are no customers to serve. Suddenly, a single old lady perhaps in her 60's wearing a tan leather jacket and a cold expression approaches You, asking why You are ignoring her- not serving her. Engaged, You rush back to your counter while blurting a "sorry!" while thinking to yourself... "what?". Once at the counter, You begin to scan her items, and she begins to talk, "I can't believe how rude you are, your mother would be so disappointed in you". Shocked, You politely reply, "oh! Sorry if I was!", but while thinking, "what the fuck?! What is she talking about, and why me?". Becoming unnerved, You hasten the process to be done with it all, and she continues her rant, saying, "I don't like the way you're treating me, I should talk to your manager and get you removed". More threatened by this encounter, You could only give a panicky "oh", while thinking, pissed off, "what the fuck, you bitch. I'm working and I'm too exhausted for this bullshit, what else am I supposed to do?". Now feeling bullied by a psycho customer taking advantage of her status and You being an honest worker, You consider your options, and being a dedicated pal to people, You decide to try diffusing the situation. She tries to berate You, looking for a certain reaction, but You try to be friendly to her and try your hardest to show her that You are a friend. Not a foe, nor prey. You endure the exchange until She completes the transaction, and She does. As She stops the conversation and prepares to leave, You manage to fare her well. She responds, replying, "thanks, you too dear!". Relief. But massive confusion. This memory will pester You for the remainder of the day.

I am pretty sure She is unstable. She would occasionally return to the store. Sometimes She still aggressed me. Sometimes She would not.

One time there was a lineup, and it was her turn. An older african male got too close (apparently 4 feet is too close), and She made a scene. She yelled at him, saying, "back off! Get away from me! You people make me sick! Back off!". Everyone, including me, was stunned. The poor guy felt framed, and I apologized to him. He kept telling me that She was a bitch. I agreed. I promised him not let her get away with that obscene disrespect again. He kept saying, "that bitch! That bitch, man! I oughta...". As He left, He passed her, giving her a glare.

I was never excited to see her return, but She seemed to quiet down over time.

Yep.

How about yourself? Epic, crappy? Ipecac?

[FlyingNarwhal]

I got a BJ from a college girl I was delivering pizzas to when I used to be a delivery driver.

Nuf said.

[Walking Void]

Dude, whoa.

[Sejanus]

@ OP, do you have a problem with your caps key? I think you should've called your manager to deal with that crusty old hag.

[Jackalope]

One time after normal working hours, I had a seizure while working at my desk. Slipped out of my chair and hit my head *hard* on the desk on my way to the floor. Our CTO heard the noise and investigated. He found me under the desk, still in seizure, blood pouring from a gash on my head. He had to call paramedics.

First and only seizure I ever had - never did find out what caused it.

[Walking Void]

@ OP, do you have a problem with your caps key? I think you should've called your manager to deal with that crusty old hag.

I intentionally capitalize direct pronouns (you, he, she, we), because I think English is hilarious as per its rules.

I could have called my manager, but I have a high threshold for bullshit. She was getting close, though. And, sometimes it is difficult to think straight when You are not well-rested. This does not justify my actions, though, this was not the worse course of action compared to some other possible outcomes.

[Owlix]

I work in a retail setting. Staples, to be exact. We're an office supply store. I've had all manner of crappy moments on the job. Epic the same.

Epic moments are when I have customers ask me if we sell milk or spark plugs.

Crappy moments happen alot.
I run the copy and print shop. I make people's proposals and meetings and church stuff happen (I do ALOT of church related stuff... probably a good 50% of my customer base, however the workload/quantity/dollars spent on religion is probably closer to %10-%15)
We're the busiest in my state. I've been told our store is actually making it possible for all the other Arizona stores to stay open and schedule as many hours as they are. That being said, plugging a fucking flash drive in for one copy is ridiculous. The process itself takes about a minute, or less, but the operational policies in place means I should actually be spending 5-10 minutes with this customer to 'read the need' and discover what other business opportunities can be gained from this customer. That in itself makes it hell because we're a 'snow bird' state. Winter comes, so do the old people. Old people who literally ONLY come in for me to laminate their medicare cards and their social security cards (which by the way invalidates one's S.S. card). Fuck. No. I cannot make time for your $4.00 order when I've got 2 hours to finish this $5,000 order that was promised at this time.

The crappy part comes in when the customer then goes to a manager, complains and I end up having to complete the order anyway.

Also, crappy moments on the job is when I have religious people try and teach me their ways. I'm on the clock. I don't know how to respectfully tell them "shut the fuck up" when they haven't taken any of the hints.

People ask me my religion and I say "I'm not. I believe in science, and that makes no room for a god'. They're perplexed and continue to try and peddle their bullshit. I can't walk away, I have to smile and give them that shit eating grin that employers think customers just love.

[Doubting Thomas]

I got a BJ from a college girl I was delivering pizzas to when I used to be a delivery driver.

Nuf said.

Hey, baby, did you order a pepperoni pizza? Well here's the pizza, and here's the pepperoni. *ziiiiip!*

[Crossless2.0]

Hey, baby, did you order a pepperoni pizza? Well here's the pizza, and here's the pepperoni. *ziiiiip!*

Ah, the Cheech and Chong Wedding Album. That takes me back!

[Doubting Thomas]

"Ahh, he's faking it, nobody's that long-winded... Ulp, I guess he wasn't faking it! Hey look Margaret, a close up! Hey Margaret, you know what I think that looks like? I think it looks like your grandfather eating ice cream!"