Atheist married to Christian - hello!

[atheistmama]

Hi there,

I'm a middle-aged atheist mama of twin toddlers, married to a devout Lutheran. As is the case for many people, religion wasn't much of an issue for us before the kids were born.

I'm not radical or an activist or anything like that. I don't announce my (lack of) belief, but I don't hide it if asked. I live in the deep south in the U.S.

Really I'm just looking for a gentle place to talk about the experience of raising children in a family of Christians. For example, my husband long ago asked me not to tell his mother (or other family members) I'm not a Christian because it would deeply upset her. At first that wasn't a problem but over the years it has become a burden - even more so now that we have children.

That's just one example. I'm not really (at all) interested in debate. If this is unlikely to be the right place for me, do you have any suggestions for forums that might work for me?

Thanks very much.

[Doubting Thomas]

Welcome. I'm an atheist married to a Catholic woman. And while I don't live in the deep south, I live in a very religious, conservative part of the Midwest.

[JesusHChrist]

Hi atheistmama,

I feel your pain.

I'm an atheist who was married to a fundy sort of Christian. At first there weren't many issues as I mostly kept my mouth shut. After 9/11, I'd had my fill of religious idiocy and started piping up and blaspheming (gasp!) against god! Yeah, Satan got his clutches right round my....heart. Now, god never calls or texts.

In my new life, I've got me a sweet, beautiful recovering-Christian of a girlfriend. Like an ex-smoker, she is possibly more anti-religion than I am, and that's saying something, as I despise it. One night at dinner earlier in our relationship, she said "I think I'm an agnostic atheist". Well ok then! Me too! I had no idea she even knew those terms much less decided to call herself that. Zeus works in mysterious ways! Zeus be praised!

Good luck and I hope you find what you are looking for here. Lots of like-minded god-haters/baby-eating devil worshipers around. Lots meaning, well at least me and the guy in the pink tutu over there.

No need to debate if that's not your bag. You can just poke sharp sticks at the theists in the cages on the second floor and watch them yowl. Endless entertainment for the sadistically minded. Only $.25 a poke!

[Minimalist]

Hi, Mom

Welcome aboard.

[freedomfromforum]

stick around - give the forum a good test drive. You'll find gentleness here, but you will also find the obverse. Try mining the diamonds from the stone.

[atheistmama]

Thank you for the welcomes. I have to say, Lutherans (at least the ones I've become acquainted with via my husband) are very accepting, generous, nonjudgmental folks. I've not had many bless me much or end every phrase with "thank you Jesus". Their before-dinner prayers are short and sweet and not too crazy. I do attend church with hubby sometimes (high holidays, mostly) and some time ago I quietly told the pastor that I don't take communion, and left it at that. I've never had a proselytizing comment.

There are a lot of things about religion in general that I find terribly disturbing, but I definitely appreciate the sense of community and the comfort that it has given my husband and his family through his life. They were all there for him when his father died, when his brother died, and when his sister died. I know their faith gives them something to hold onto when times are difficult. I do envy that!

ETA: I'll go dip my toe in the water in the general forum :-)

[A Theist]

Hi there,

I'm a middle-aged atheist mama of twin toddlers, married to a devout Lutheran. As is the case for many people, religion wasn't much of an issue for us before the kids were born.

I'm not radical or an activist or anything like that. I don't announce my (lack of) belief, but I don't hide it if asked. I live in the deep south in the U.S.

Really I'm just looking for a gentle place to talk about the experience of raising children in a family of Christians. For example, my husband long ago asked me not to tell his mother (or other family members) I'm not a Christian because it would deeply upset her. At first that wasn't a problem but over the years it has become a burden - even more so now that we have children.

That's just one example. I'm not really (at all) interested in debate. If this is unlikely to be the right place for me, do you have any suggestions for forums that might work for me?

Thanks very much.

Welcome to the forums atheistmama...I really hope you and your husband can overcome some of the issues that have arisen lately. But it sounds to me that your husband needs to defend his wife first and foremost and stop being so protective of his mother. She might be a good lady and all but you're his wife no matter what your belief or lack thereof may be.

[Raven]

Welcome and please stick around. There does not appear to be a shortage of others, myself included, that are nonbelievers wedded to someone who is one. My wife is still a believer, but she can understand why I stopped. Her family (Pentacostals) really don't give a hoot, with the exception of one aunt who is a bit fanatical. She keeps praying I'll come back. (So does my wife ). But hey, they're stuck with me, and they don't really mind.

So give us a try. I think you'll like it.

[pocaracas]

Hello mamma!
Welcome to this corner of the web. Enjoy your stay.

[Ben Davis]

from the UK!

Sorry, I have little practical experience with which to address your OP. I feel that, knowing religion indoctrination to be harmful to children, I'd be looking for ways to reduce the religious influence from other parts of the family. I know I do for my son but it's easy for me as someone who's free to announce their irreligiosity. Teaching them to think critically is probably the best armour; that can be done without having to out yourself to sensitive family members.