A Moral Dilemma RE Homelessness

[Zazzy]

I understand you may love him, I'm 16 & I fell in love at 13 & am still in love with the same girl.

Just to be clear, he is gay (he came out to me when we were 12). I love him like crazy, but it's not romantic.

I had a moment of **sigh*** here, though, MarxRaptor. Oh, to be 16 and in love again (and with that body I had again!). Enjoy it.

[freedomfromforum]

I'm 16...

You and I have something in common. When I was sixteen I was following LaVey. Shhh, don't tell anyone here.

[TaraJo]

My boyfriend has put himself through this kind of angst time and time again and I'll tell you the same thing I tell him: absolutely, do what you can to help him, but don't let him drag you down with him. His life may be difficult, but if he gets into your life, steals your car, starts bringing drug dealers over, vandalizes your property, ect. it isn't doing you or him any good.

I think offering to take him to rehab is probably the best thing you could have done. If he was serious about getting clean, he would have taken you up on that offer. The fact that he didn't leads me to believe he was just trying to manipulte you. At that point, as much as you may want to help him, you can't do anything until and unless he chooses to help himself.

The shelters may be a bit full, but when it gets this cold, they'll find a way to keep a roof over your friends head. Only problem is, yeah, he can't do drugs at the shelter.

BTW-Cool! Another Texan on the forum! What part of TX do you live in? I'm chillin' in Houston (it amazes me how cold it's gotten here).

[Zazzy]

His life may be difficult, but if he gets into your life, steals your car, starts bringing drug dealers over, vandalizes your property, ect. it isn't doing you or him any good.

Hah! He has already done all of the above in the past. Stolen car? Check. Drug dealers in my house? Check. Vandalized property? Check. And much else. I've been through Step 9 with him so many times it's gotten a little ridiculous.

Thanks, all for the responses. I know I'm doing the right thing... it's just really hard to see someone like this go to waste. If I could stab crack cocaine in the throat and kill it, I would.

[KichigaiNeko]

It's been said before.... Zazzy,
You can't help those who don't want help.

Stay warm and safe

[TaraJo]

Y'know, I kinda hate to say it, but maybe the best thing you can do for him at this point is actually to get him thrown in prison. I know, it's prison and that sucks, but at least this way he has a roof over his head, food in his stomach and a warm bed to sleep in. Might even be able to get him the rehab he needs (and judging from what you're telling me, there's a good chance he'll wind up in rehab if he goes before a judge).

[Zazzy]

Y'know, I kinda hate to say it, but maybe the best thing you can do for him at this point is actually to get him thrown in prison. I know, it's prison and that sucks, but at least this way he has a roof over his head, food in his stomach and a warm bed to sleep in. Might even be able to get him the rehab he needs (and judging from what you're telling me, there's a good chance he'll wind up in rehab if he goes before a judge).

He got out of prison 2 years ago, went straight back to crack for a couple of months, called me and went to rehab, was sober for 9 glorious months, and then stole my car and has been back on the streets for almost a year. We got the car back, stinky but unharmed. I've seen him twice on the street since then- he was clearly hooking both times.

I can't either entirely let him go, and after 25 years of doing this routine (he started eroding in our late teens) I don't know if I ever will. I do know I don't want to go through the 9th step with him again.

I guess I need to stop bitching about it and accept what I accept and reject what I need to reject. It's just easier said than done.

[Neo-Scholastic]

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

[Zazzy]

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

What's funny, Chad, is that he's extremely Christian. He has a lot of self-loathing because he's gay, and even though he kind of believes Jesus loves him anyway, he doesn't really believe it. He's struggled with this since we were kids. He used to want to be a priest. I don't know if he'd still be an addict if he wasn't religious, but I do know that he would have an easier time accepting who he is. I have a lot of anger at Christianity specifically over this issue with this man.

[Mystical]

I did a lot of that self loathing for 99% of my lifetime. It's time to let that go.
My mom just came out and she remains a self proclaimed Christian. Guess it's not a choice, after all.