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Atheism and your family
January 31, 2014 at 10:40 am
I've read the nightmarish tales of hell that people have gone through after telling their family that they don't believe in the family god. I know there's a lot of opposition from parents out there so I'm looking to see what kind of opposition any of you faced from family.
I was fortunate enough to have little to no opposition when I determined I was an atheist. My parents have never cared and never tried to force their beliefs upon me. In fact, the only person to try to lead me onto a religious life was my grandma but she did so in a way that made me an atheist. I don't mean to say she was a militant Christian, but she was the only person who would openly talk to me and have a dialogue without getting upset. If I ever wanted to talk about religion as a kid, I knew I could talk to her, and while she would try to convince me of the truth of Christianity, she would always have an open ear for my own hatching ideas about the origin of humanity. She was the first person to make me aware as a kid that non-religion was a big thing and that there was nothing inherently wrong with viewing the world like that. I have a great amount of respect for her as a person because of how she didn't try to manipulate me into her religion. She was eager to show me the viewpoint that brought her a great deal of security and happiness but she never looked down on me when I decided against it.
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RE: Atheism and your family
January 31, 2014 at 10:44 am
My grandmother got me into christianity too. My parent's aren't religious, so when I eventually came out my grandmother was the only one who was really upset. My sister and brother in law are religious, and know I'm an atheist, but beyond the opportunities to mention things to their children that don't line up with what they're being taught, they're not really bothered too much. I still have a good relationship with all three of them.
Of course my grandmother worries I'll go to hell, but my sister and brother in law don't believe in the whole eternal torture idea. They're more in line with the idea that your soul just gets destroyed.
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RE: Atheism and your family
January 31, 2014 at 11:09 am
I was also fortunate enough to have family who are mostly atheists or at least agnostic that share the same opinions on religion.
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RE: Atheism and your family
January 31, 2014 at 11:09 am
My mom was pretty sad when I told her. She thinks I'm going to hell. But she hasn't tried to force anything on me and hasn't gotten angry, so I'm damn lucky.
No one else (besides my agnostic brother) knows, because no one asked. When they do, I won't lie. I'm expecting kind of a shit storm lol.
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RE: Atheism and your family
January 31, 2014 at 11:42 am
(January 31, 2014 at 11:09 am)ThePinsir Wrote: My mom was pretty sad when I told her. She thinks I'm going to hell. But she hasn't tried to force anything on me and hasn't gotten angry, so I'm damn lucky.
No one else (besides my agnostic brother) knows, because no one asked. When they do, I won't lie. I'm expecting kind of a shit storm lol.
I've always had a tough time figuring out how to argue with family on this topic. I've never been in a situation like that but there have been other viewpoints I've expressed which aren't so popular among my family. I defend my views and back up my ideas with information and try to show them that even though they don't agree with me, I'm basing my views off a rational construction of information that I've gathered. There comes a certain point where you have to just give up though. Your family might not like your views but sometimes its best to simply assert them with confidence and let the subject go after that. I wouldn't do that with friends or strangers but with family, I feel you have more at stake so there's no point in starting needless arguments. They might be pissed off for awhile but that beats drawing an even deeper line in the sand.
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RE: Atheism and your family
January 31, 2014 at 11:47 am
(January 31, 2014 at 11:42 am)TAW Wrote: (January 31, 2014 at 11:09 am)ThePinsir Wrote: My mom was pretty sad when I told her. She thinks I'm going to hell. But she hasn't tried to force anything on me and hasn't gotten angry, so I'm damn lucky.
No one else (besides my agnostic brother) knows, because no one asked. When they do, I won't lie. I'm expecting kind of a shit storm lol.
I've always had a tough time figuring out how to argue with family on this topic. I've never been in a situation like that but there have been other viewpoints I've expressed which aren't so popular among my family. I defend my views and back up my ideas with information and try to show them that even though they don't agree with me, I'm basing my views off a rational construction of information that I've gathered. There comes a certain point where you have to just give up though. Your family might not like your views but sometimes its best to simply assert them with confidence and let the subject go after that. I wouldn't do that with friends or strangers but with family, I feel you have more at stake so there's no point in starting needless arguments. They might be pissed off for awhile but that beats drawing an even deeper line in the sand.
I hear you. When my mom and I have talked about it, I'm sure to state my points as clearly as I can and back them up with sound logic and information. She doesn't agree with me, but she certainly sees my points.
Haha. I pulled the old "you don't believe in Thor, Zeus, Isis, Mithra, Apollo...I just took it one god further" on her the other day. She said "yeah, but those gods are just fables and myths!". I smiled and said "exatly!"
I felt kind of bad for being kind of smug, but she got my point. Again, I'm damn lucky.
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RE: Atheism and your family
January 31, 2014 at 11:57 am
My extended family is pretty Christian. My father sees no reason to believe in a God (which is somewhat milder than my seeing many reasons not to believe in a God, and furthermore not to worship the Christian god if it turns out the Xians are right). My mother believes in a vague God that she sees in a child's smile, in a snappy tune on the radio, in a kind deed, in a sunny day, etc.
Overall, I haven't had any problems. I did post some sort of atheist pic on my FB that had some quote. A cousin did kind of challenge me on it, but in a respectful way. His family is big on respect for people.
I've occasionally been challenged, but never made to feel bad for my Atheism. I realize I am lucky.
"For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring." - Carl Sagan
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RE: Atheism and your family
January 31, 2014 at 12:08 pm
(January 31, 2014 at 11:57 am)c172 Wrote: My extended family is pretty Christian. My father sees no reason to believe in a God (which is somewhat milder than my seeing many reasons not to believe in a God, and furthermore not to worship the Christian god if it turns out the Xians are right). My mother believes in a vague God that she sees in a child's smile, in a snappy tune on the radio, in a kind deed, in a sunny day, etc.
Overall, I haven't had any problems. I did post some sort of atheist pic on my FB that had some quote. A cousin did kind of challenge me on it, but in a respectful way. His family is big on respect for people.
I've occasionally been challenged, but never made to feel bad for my Atheism. I realize I am lucky.
You are lucky. My extended family is also quite religious but they all know I don't share that and couldn't care less.
In my family my mother's only brother was famous for being the only atheist anyone knew. I thank him for planting the idea in my mind that it was possible not to believe in weird shit. Recently on fb I reconnected with his daughter so I asked if either her or her brother shared his disbelief. She, having become a holy roller, was happy to announce that both her parents had found Jesus before their death. I didn't tell her I didn't believe that and that they would have claimed to believe absolutely anything in order to have a relationship with their grand kids.
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RE: Atheism and your family
January 31, 2014 at 1:03 pm
(January 31, 2014 at 11:09 am)ThePinsir Wrote: My mom was pretty sad when I told her. She thinks I'm going to hell. But she hasn't tried to force anything on me and hasn't gotten angry, so I'm damn lucky.
I've said before that I think my mom has forgotten that I'm an atheist but when I told her (years and years ago) her reaction was to tell me I was going to go to hell.
My current tactic to deal with threatening me with hell, should it ever come up again, is to say that threatening me with hell is as meaningless as threatening to send me to Mordor. It might an awful place that I'd never want to go to... but there's no reason to think that it's real. Likewise, asking me if I want to go to heaven is like asking me if I want to go to Neverland; sure it might be fun (actually, I think Neverland would be way more fun than Heaven) but there's no reason to think it's real.
As for the rest of my family, religion is almost never discussed* so me being an atheist has neither come up, nor been a big deal.
*My mom's favorite "poor, pity me" phrase is "God only gives you what you can handle, which is why I had such well-behaved kids" which really saddens me that she doesn't have a higher opinion of herself. The very occasional (once-a-year) phrase like this is about the extent of how much religion is discussed in my family.
Teenaged X-Files obsession + Bermuda Triangle episode + Self-led school research project = Atheist.
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RE: Atheism and your family
January 31, 2014 at 2:25 pm
It's a complete non issue in my family so I never needed to tell anyone. To be honest I think only my mother and a couple of cousins actually believe in god, the rest are indifferent. Lucky eh?
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